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Aeonic - Apoidea

Scot

Scot

Inactive Member
https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=aeonic:apoidea

The Bee race

Aside from that, I have updated the wiki. First page links is more for quick editing and review probably removed upon final review. The minor links too, such as communication and senses are updated to accept generic descriptions for the 4 races, most unique descriptions will be on individual pages (such as colony/hive structure, which may each get their own wiki page maybe).

I have also updated the history up to Termite War, since it's late night right now I shall go to bed

Edit:
https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=sp ... nic#aeonic

For convenience
 
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Seeing as how this is just an add-on to an existing species, They look pretty good to me. I also like how they aren't just another human offshoot species, but something completely different. Even though they are BEE(s, MY GOD) PEOPLE, I think that players would enjoy them as a playable race, and as NPC's.

I would recommend the Apoidea for approval, but with the caveat that we see a CCG for the Aeonic as a whole.
 
This review is for: Apoidea

The submitted article is/has…
[x] A general topic sentence under the title header
[ ] Artwork (illustrations are strongly encouraged for all spacecraft and handheld items)
[x] Needed and/or useful to the setting
[x] In the proper format/template
[x] Proofread for spelling and grammar
[x] Easy to read and understand (not a lengthy mass of technobabble)
[x] Wikified (terms that could be a link should be a link)
[] No red and/or broken links
[x] Reasonably scientifically plausible
[x] Reasonably neutral point of view

The submitted article is/does not…
[ ] Overpowered (or cutting tech for a faction with little or no roleplay)
[ ] Obtusely redundant
[ ] Contain copy pasta descriptions of systems or interior compartments
[ ] Unauthorized by faction managers or player-controlled corporation
[ ] Contain references to IC events that have not occurred (SM must authorize retcons)
[ ] Use second-person language (“you” or “your”) unless it is an instructional guide aimed at players.
[ ] Use bombastic language (“virtually immune,” “nearly indestructible,” “insanely powerful,” “horrible effects”)
[ ] Use an unbalanced header/text ratio (many headers but sections are one-liners)
[ ] Use major unapproved sub-articles that should be submitted separately
[ ] Lacking Detail
[ ] Images hosted on sites other than stararmy.com (Photobucket, Imageshack, etc are not allowed)

The article has…
[x] Speeds in compliance with the Starship Speed Standard, if applicable
[x] Damage Capacity and Damage Ratings in compliance with the DR Guidelines
[x] The in-character year of creation/manufacture. (Should be current year. Future years not allowed).
[x] The Standard Product Nomenclature System, if applicable.


Summary
( https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=aeonic:queen ) has a broken Termitidae link

The queen uses Telepathy, which is something that is to be avoided in new races.

Some form of art should be included in this submission even it if is just a single drawing on the splash page.

Status: Pending

Notes

Fixed a spelling error (Psychotic -> Psychic)
Fixed a broken link (missing a [ )
And can you give an approximate level of intelligence for the species on the splash page?

As an expansion (NPC?) race I don't think you need a CCG

I intend to finish this review by: April 9th 2010
 
Termite link is for when they are completed, they will be done after this and the spider race are finished.

Telepathy is limited, and only for communication. The reason they can dominate their breeders is because they are made that way, that is genetically created to be dominated by the Queen. It further's the reason why they never leave the colony, but instead send a sort of "princess" in their place. Also Queens probably won't be massing attacks themselves, the thought is silly.

While seems superficial, breaking a Queen's telepathy could prove to be a strong tactic to or against Ant and perhaps termite (If I think a Breeder class would work for them).

Changes to Queen

Changed Queen's lifespan, I meant to say she lives 1,000 years not 100 years, if that was true, I'd have to cut Solenichi life span to 10 years since Queens don't want their worker/warriors to grow older than themselves. Though I am thinking how a calender would work, and how it could fit with the standard, though that would be saved for when I get history more finished.

Removed her body thing mostly so they can remain consistent, and made the Princess Queen. I might extend to 50th year they remain Princess so that there can be 2 at a time, one taking role as combat commander.

Added also her knowledge, since she acts as a computer library. "Brain" bugs seem really silly to have. Might make one later though after first contact so that when one dies not all knowledge is lost, and easier to share.

More edits need to be made for the sub groups since they were created when I only had one race, though I hopefully addressed this round of concerns.
 
The submission rules don’t allow broken links and really frown upon the ‘to be approved later’ bit so I strongly suggest that you either add in a stub article about the termite doods, or remove the link entirely.

The same goes for Telepathy. It is something that is trying to be avoided in new races.
That doesn’t mean you can’t replace it with something like an organic radio built into their bodies, or some other form of communication without speaking, it is just Telepathy that is the issue here.


The Queen changes are fine, as are the others. I had no issue with the queen living 1000 years. After all there are way weirder things on earth.

Edit: Thought I should clarify something. When I said I would like to see a level of intelligence added on the splash page I meant preferably on this line or shortly after it:

The Apoidea are bee / wasp like creatures, an intelligent insect species and one of the few with the ability to fly of the Aeonic.
Click to expand...

I read this and got a good image of what you described later in the article so it is well written. The only thing I didn't really get at first was if they were intelligent like modern humans or more like smart apes/children. Like I said I do think that your explanation now is good, and you don't have to do this particular thing to get approval from me.
 
Uso, it is my understanding that Telepathy in new races is allowed, but is seen as 'Mary Sue'ish in the setting. I personally see no reason why a bug race dependent on a Queen and the other sub-races SHOULDN'T have Telepathy. A biological radio would need a lot of explaining to justify the mechanics behind it -- telepathy is a known entity.

My two cents.
 
https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=ra ... sion_rules

Telepathy should be avoided.

In the past so many species were submitted with telepathy that it became very, very cliche in SARP. In addition, there is also the potential powergaming/metagaming in regards to potential players of telepathic races which have caused trouble in SARP's past. For this reason it is strongly recommended you avoid any sort of extrasensory perceptions along the lines of mind-reading.
Click to expand...

This race contains not just mind reading, but projecting thoughts and mind control to an extent. Telepathy along is strongly discouraged and mind control is pretty much not allowed. This is why I'm not going to approve a new race that has Telepathy in it especially when there are other ways to do the same things without the implication that the mental abilities can be used on other races as well.

Things like a biological radio, low frequency sounds, pheromones, and whathaveyou would all be fine for this kind of thing because they wouldn't have an effect on other races.

In addition, being that there are races that break their own bones to use the shards as weapons, races that can breathe things that aren't oxygen, ones that can turn creatures into zombies and ones that plant their eggs in the heads of other species, a biological radio seems mundane. If anything this species could be not weird enough to come from another planet.
 
I'm sorry Uso, I didn't mention I removed most of the advanced Telepathy powers and limited it to just speech and breeders.

If this also is a problem, communication could be done with scent instead to create the illusion of their speach, which would act as universal translater somehow.

Breeders though is another thing, their minds are dominated by the Queens who use them so that unlike the Drones or Solenichi they cannot rebel. No matter how immoral they will do anything the Queen forces them to, allowing the Queen to see what they see is also important so they could do their jobs without bumping into walls with delicate eggs. This also makes them viable spies within their own colony, on its own citizens and enemies alike.

However Apoidae Queens don't have Breeders, those are infused within the Drones. Though really Breeders aren't needed as much since they are suspended in the air by a hive.

Now that I'm done with the important reason for telepathy, the other reason, communication, was more or less to make them seem "grander" than other bugs. To be intimidating so that Solenichi and Drones know better than to mess with their "god like mother." It would also work out when speaking with other races, since on outset no one would be able to understand Aeonic speech.
 
Had a quick talk and the line where acceptable and unacceptable is this:

If it's telepathic communication, it's okay.

If it's "reading thoughts against someone's will" that's not okay.

So put in a line about that and you will be fine. I'm also ok with mind control in this case so long as it specifically only works with that one part of the subspecies.
 
I made changes to the Breeder page, I wanted to post when I had more done but since I did this a few days back, I thought I post it now.

Work on this resumes probably in a few days.
 
So I just wanted to know if we were reviewing the entire Aeonic or just the Apoidea. Still I need to focus on the spider people.

I also put up a quick page for the space project, now I can place technology and ships on that page, military technology however probably go on its own page since this is just a temporary Project and not the actual faction name for the space military.
 
So how is this coming along? I'm busy elsewhere and probably won't make a single tech just yet, just wondering why the bee's haven't been accepted since it's way past the time limit, and there is no argument in the reviewer's last post.

Uso said:
I intend to finish this review by: April 9th 2010
Click to expand...
 
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