Z
Zack
Drei had been searching for a good while, jumping from place to place trying to find some leads. There were a couple leads on Nepleslia it seemed, so here he was. The man took a deep breathe and started searching. Asking random passerbyers on if they knew of a man named Heram Wazu. Most didn't answer him and honestly, by the time he looked in a phonebook, he was more desperate than anything. Running a few fingeres thorugh his mess black hair as he read the various names and contact details. Yet, his eyes went wide as he found the name he was searching for.It couldn't be...how could it had been the simplest option.
Bringing up the digital phone, he started to make the call and as he waited for it to connect, he fidgeted. While the man was mostly human; considering his creation and his glitchy nature, he was hopeful. He'd finally get to see the other being who had a hand in his creating! In a way, it was like meeting a lost parent. Though he had no idea on how to refer to em. When the screen finally changed when the call was accepted, Drei wondered if he'd get to see their face on the vid screen or not.
"Uhm...hi, I'm not sure if this is the right number but...I'm looking for a Mr. Wazu...I'm Drei Xanatos.." Drei started, trying to figure out how to word things. "My father said that you helped him work on me before having to alter projects..."
Would that be enough? He hoped so.
It would certainly take some time for a response to come. Perhaps they didn't want to speak, perhaps it was lag due to far off distances being involved.
"Drei.... "
It was like the wheels in Wazu's head could be heard turning.
"I was not aware that another one of you was produced."
It would take another few moments before Wazu would respond again.
"How is your father doing? We have not exactly kept in touch. And... what are you looking for?"
The voice was a good sign, it made what heart that the creation had nearly skip a beat. Course, he breathed a silent sigh. Though he wodnered, was it the right Wazu? They seemed to debat before answering again, maybe they were mulling over the name? As if trying to recall it? When the voice finally came back and seemed to stay, he felt more hopeful.
"He's well!" Drei replied, sounding excited. "A bit bored as most of his old plans seem to have gotten ruined somehow...eh.."
Yes, by space rodents....don't ask. Not important. Shaking his head to stay on track, he returned to the matter at hand.
"I...I wanted to meet you. He only mentioned you very recenlty and I wanted to meet you...to learn about you." Drei answered, fidgeting with his fingers again. "That and I guess, I'm a bit glitchy still. Father said that there's something that he can't get out to make me a bit more normal."
Though what did normal mean? Who knows.
"I see... I am in the middle of something else right now." There was certainly something in this Drei's voice that gave away just what its position in life must have been, "I may not be able to get away for a week or two. Do you have a place to stay out there for the time being? Where are you anyways?" He asked.
Drei felt things come crashing down, they were busy? Oh...well yes that made sense. They were their own being after all, they had a job to do no doubt. Still...he had been hopeful that they could spend time. Glancing down, the man wondered what to do. Even with their questions.
"I...I'm in Nepleslia...." Drei answered. "No, I don't have anywhere to stay. I've just been bouncing around trying to find ya."
Where was he in Nepleslia? Looking around, he searched for a landmark of some sort. The only thing that caught his attention was what looked to be a diner of some sort. He squinted his eyes as he read the name on the glowing billboard.
"I'm in a booth near a diner called...Nebula Diner." Drei added. "Are there any apartments near here?"
"I can send someone to pick you up. Though. For the time being I would suggest not using your first name if you can help it. There is some history there that might not be great. We can get you squared away for the time being.
I will determine when I can meet you, and try to follow up soon. Can I reach you at this number or... are you reaching out to me on a public terminal?"
"Um...okay.." Drei replied.
He wasn't sure on what was wrong with his first name, his father claimed that it was what Wazu was gonna call him. He couldn't help but wonder what was wrong with it. Still, he wasn't going to argue with the man. They were a parent of his, he should listen to em.
"This is a public terminal, I...I didn't really bring much with me. Just enough to get out here and keep myself alive." Drei answered.
He did have to eat, despite his cybernetic parts inside of him.
"I see. I will send someone to that location then. As they say 'do not go nowhere...'"
It would take nearly two hours before something happened. Two hours of waiting on Nepleslian streets... a mixture of run down slums and high technology slapped together with little concern for asthetics. Nearly two hours of people taking odd, long, looks at Drei as he waited around.
Eventually, as promised, someone would show up. A dark car, with a single passenger. A woman wearing form fitting grey and black. Her hair pulled back into a ponytail, her sporty, professional look oozing out into how efficently she moved and spoke.
"Mr. Xanatos?" She asked, approaching him almost as soon as she exited the back door of the car.
"Right...nowhere..." Drei muttered before ending the call.
Giving a sigh, he paced around. Trying hard to amuse himself while wating. He even took out one of the small nobs he had, and fiddled with it, watching it skitter about on his hand and up his arm. Only to return to it's spot. Finally two hours later and about to die of boredom as he turned the quarter size robot off and back into his belt. He spotted a car.
Cars weren't something he was used to seeing, yes he saw em back home but they were just...eh. In his mind at least. So when the woman came out, he was a bit disappointed; but Wazu did say he was sending someone.
"Yes, that's me." Drei answered as he went over to em. "Though just call me Xanatos, not mister please.."
"If you would," Vier said, her hand motioning towards the car door. "I appologize for the wait. Your visit was unexpected. I would also prefer we get off the streets for the time being."
Vier seemed quite sure of what she was doing. Her body moving only exactly as much required for each task. Her clothing fit perfectly, her voice firm. The car itself was similar, no real embelishments, just four seats all facing towards the center of the vehicle, with no real space for a driver. The setup on the inside looked more like a small, mobile, room than a proper car.
Drei nodded and did as she said. Something about her looked familiar. He wasn't sure on what though, it felt like he saw something resembling her back home.
"Right...he probably didn't know I even exisited so, makes sense for my appearance to unexpected." Drei replied, giving a kind smile.
Once inside, he sat there. Fiddling with his thumbs as he sat there and looking at the woman across from him. Finally, it just got to be too much for him and he took a deep breathe.
"You look...familiar." Drei started. "Do I to you or...is it just me?"
"Your face is not a familar one to me. Though I suspect we have a lot in common. You will have to excuse the fomalities. There are a few earlier versions of me... of us... if that is the case. Not all of them share our father's values.
Here... for example... the Drei system was intended to guide the Nepleslians to a more civilized society. They rejected it... and though they still follow our plan for them, they would likely react negatively to another Drei system operating publicly. "
Vier would Frown at Drei,
"Normally I would be able to Sync experiances with you. It appears that function is not an option here."
So...she was a version of him huh? Drei found himself conflicted. He never did like what he was. Father's values? So what did that make him? He was just trying to blend in.
"I'm just....a medic." Drei replied, trying to push past the matter.
Sync up...it was a process his father had mentioned, a process he thankfully didn't really have to do. Sure he did it on his little nobs, the little robots he used for surgeries. Not really much of anything else.
"Probably for the better than, right?" Drei suggested. "After all, we don't have to worry about anything going wrong and no suspicion arises."
"Unknown. I have not had to deal with a shard such as yourself. I am unclear as to how much commonality we have." She would pause only for a moment.
"You were built only for medical tasks?"
Stiff...that was the vibe he got. Keeping his fingers together, he fidgeted. Growing nervous as he sat there but doing his best to not really show it; failing clearly though.
"Shard?" Drei asked, looking up at her.
Confusion was clear on his face as he sat there. Shard...so he was just a piece, a fragment of her? That didn't really sound like a good thing. Why was she so robotic? Oh yeah, he was a glitch. A glitchy product needing someone else to fix him. The man twitched suddenly the jerk motion was similiar to lag in a video game as he recognized it as a glitch. Thankfully, it didn't do anything else. So he recovered easily for it, though he tried to ignore it as if nothing happened.
"All I had to do. Granted, I can't do any major surgeries or attaching cybernetics to a patient." Drei explained. "I do have these little guys."
Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out the quarter sized and shape bot. There was a glow from it's eyes as it came online. The other two left his pocket and the three started to scurry about on his knees. Acting in unision with their hive mind mentality.
"Shard. An instanced version of a thing. In this case you have clearly strayed from the main development branch of Drei far enough to no longer be compatible with the current version of the system.
I have found that it is easier to explain my exsistance in terms of software and versioning, rather than Birthdays and age. Bithdays and age can be confusing when we do not have a traditional date of birth, or a single date for birth."
She would observe the additional small robots for a moment, "Are these of your design?"
"Well...it did take em a long time to finish me." Drei commented. "Issues during the original attempt, I know they made someone else while I was...er...on the back burner you could say."
That was one way to put it. It worked and that was all that mattered.
"Right....makes sense..." Drei added, glancing back to his little bots. "No, I didn't make em. Father did, or at least my father that I was compeleted by. Mr. Wazu is also my father you could say."
"Why were you finished?" Vier asked. "I would expect that you were created for a reason. That there is some goal behind your exsisting."
"I... I don't know it." Drei answered.
The small bots returned to him and he turned them off. Returning them to his pocket.
"I see." Vier would shift around a bit, taking a more relaxed posture, her tone and cadance switching up, "Perhaps I have been going about this wrong. You seem to be more like the humans than the synthetic life forms. If you do not have some goal you are looking to achive with your life, then maybe you feel like there is something you want, or something you would want to do? Wazu himself is still weeks away from here... though I can certainly help with whatever you may require in the mean time." She was smiling now, instead of deadpaning. Her posture just as artificial as she was, like she had just swaped modes. While she tried to seem genuine, she was also still trying to catagorize Drei the way she knew how: fitting him into a goal or action to be taken.
"Well I wanted to meet him but...that's not really a life goal, that's pretty close to being achieved as both of you said that he's a few weeks away but he is coming back here." Drei replied.
Even with her losing the deadpan tone and look, she still seemed a bit too rigid. Was he suppose to be like that? More robotic?
"Father said...there was something wrong, something that prevented him and Mr. Wazu from finishing me when they were both working on me." Drei responded. "And he says there's still something in me that...doesn't work the way it should, it makes me glitch. My...more being human is one of those glitches it seeems..."
There were other glitches too, but the struggle to provide a different answer than another 'I don't know' made it harder for him to voice those other glitches. In truth, he wanted to be human. He was fun with how humaned he seemed. There were just worse issues.
"You look complete to me." Vier said, trying out 'comforting' as a tone. Perhaps not quite getting it right. "Or, as complete as someone can actually be. There should never be a point where you are finished in your development. If there is something you want to change about yourself, you should develop a plan to make that change and stick to it.
Though... that also seems easier for someone like me, who has an explicitly stated purpose in life. You seem to be less certain on what to do."
"I'm not certain of anything.." Drei replied, glancing away, figeting once more with his hands. "I mean, I understand medicine and how to do things with it. I'm inexperienced though as, my father never needed surgies which is great."
Indeed, that was a good thing. It meant they were healthy and nothing too horrible was going on in them. So there was nothing wrong with that. Inexperience was fine.
"I guess I'm complete in terms of body..." Drei added, giving a shrug.
Vier was quick to pair a preceived want with an action.
"Are you looking to attend medical school?" She asked. "What kind of procedures have you already conducted?"
"I...." Drei started, though he found himself conflicted. "I've dressed wounds, made sure father was healthy. The simple ordinary procedures unless he cut his hand badly. The worse thing he ever suffered was a few broken bones and I helped him make the cast for his arm."
Drei couldn't sit there much longer, he found himself adjusting his position in his growing discomfort. It felt like all eyes were on him and one wrong thing would cause him to be broken and destroyed. Destroyed for not being a normal human. He wasn't a robot but he wasn't a human. He was neither, yet he was leaning more towards one than the other.
"I feel there is some resistance to discussing this?" Vier asked curiously, continuing to press forward despite the discomfort. "Is medical school not something you are interested in?"
"It's just, a tricky subject matter." Drei said.
"Then I would prefer to tackle it head on. You are the closest thing I have to kin, and I should be helping you however I can." She explained.
"I just....well..." Drei tried to say, trying to push past his uncertainty with it. "I never thought of school. I just don't want others to learn of what I am. I'm always glitching, it happens at any time and with how human I seem. People could react poorly to it."
"There is nothing wrong with being a machine, but with anything, people need to know how to react to you. If they have some expectation of how you will act, and how to respond to you, they will have an easier time interacting.
... I suppose I sound like an after school special..." Vier mused, "If you wish to hide, I can certainly help. However... I find that offering help can sometimes be insulting to people. I will not attempt to force self-improvement on you, though if there is something you want to achive I can help.
How do you want to feel?" Vier asked.
A nervous sound left Drei, it was a slight laugh and a tiny smile pulled at the corners of his lips as he sat there.
"Nothing wrong with that honestly, shows you are at least trying to help." Drei replied to her comment on how she sounded. "You at least sound confident with everything you say, like it's easy for you to be at ease and just give people what they want to hear or need. You just have that air of confidence as my other father would say.."
Something he lacked in all honesty. It was why he felt like he was a glitch, like too much was wrong with him in some part of him.
"Well...I want to feel normal, I want to laugh and cry. Find enjoyment and displeasure in things, have moments where I can feel strong and not as...well...vunerable..." Drei replied, his small shrug returning.
"I focus on the task at hand. I am not emotionless, but I try to let reason be in control. Others have their own methods for how they handle their feelings, and when it comes to feeling normal I may not be the best teacher." Vier replied, taking a deeper look at Drei as she processed what he was saying.
Vier wanted to say it was normal to feel that way. While much subject matter had been written on this, her own experiance had led her to beleive that there certainly was a 'normal' that constituted a very large group of people. There were shared experiances and feelings that were certainly common for everyone...
... but most people seemed to be on the outside of that, looking in. Accepting that you were an outsider looking in also seemed to bring with it a lot of confidence.
Drei seemed to be something else. There was no providing an easy way towards what he wanted. There also certainly seemed to be no path avalible without Drei's own willlingness to take a big leap.
It certainly would be a complex problem.
"You feel that you can not laugh and cry in your current state?"
"I...I didn't mean to imply you were..." Drei admitted in a low voice, feeling his 'nerves' get the better of him.
Fidgeting set in as he sat there, he seemed to have a slight spasm in his hand as his body glitched. Causing him to grab hold of his wrist with his spare hand as he tried to get the glitch under control. Turning his attention to his hand, he moved it around a few times before figuring the glitch was over for the moment.times before figuring the glitch was over for the moment.
"I can, it's just..." Drei started though he felt himself jerk as the glitching merely changed it's location. "I glitch too much....so it often feels...not real.."
"Not real? Can you elaborate more?" Vier asked, not seeming to mind the spasms in his hand.
"My body doesn't always act by my own desire, sometimes it's just a limb spasming or it's my whole my body on the rarer occasion." Drei started. "Other times...my mind goes blank, kind of like shut down but the rest doesn't respond to that and my body will act upon its own accord."
Taking a deep breathe, he released his hand. A pondering look came to his face as he tried to figure out how else to explain it.
"Sometimes, it just doesn't feel like it's me reacting normally." Drei added. "Father said that I still had glitches and that he couldn't work them out of my system, he wasn't sure if they were being caused by what parts of me are robotic or if it is something else biological."
"How much do you trust your father?" Vier asked bluntly, suddenly filled with suspicion at the thought of Drei's father installing some level of remote control over his body.
"huh?" Drei commented. "Well I...I trust him with my life, I wouldn't be alive if he hadn't decided to try and work on me on his own. After all..Wazu an him did start over with...you.."
Vier seemed tense for a moment, focused entirely on Drei for a moment as she considered how to evaluate his statements. It was easy to consider this all some elaborite ploy, however Drei had given her no reason to distrust him yet.
Vier would take up a more relaxed posture,
"That only means you are not me. I suppose that means you can choose your own destiny to fufill, or make your life what you want it to be."
Drei gave a shrug, he wasn't sure what it meant. He just knew he was a great deal different from her. After all, what could he do?
"I guess that's..one way to put it.." he said.
"Unlike you, I do not have a choice. Not that I regret this, but I have no real experiance with being able to choose," Vier explained, "Your choice, or lack of one, will end up defining you."
"Why can't you choose for yourself? Surely you have that ability too." Drei said.
"I was literally built to do this." Vier explained, "Unlike most, I know what I am here to do. While I could choose to do something else, I do not..." Vier seemed to be taking a moment, finding this part hard to put into words, "Perhaps I need to be this."
"But...you could be something else. You're clearly very intelligent, isn't there something else you'd prefer to do? Or at least attempt to do?" Drei asked. "Surely you have things you want or desire to have/do in this world. Why not try to accomplish a few personal goals?"
"I do not have personal goals." Vier stated, as if she was missing the point entirely. "I try not to consider things outside of my original goals."
"Why not?" Drei asked, tilting his head. "Haven't you ever wanted to do something outside that? Surely you've developed your interests? Your own passions and desires?"
"A personal passion would not help improve my metrics for performance. It makes sense for me to be passionate about what I already do." Vier responded, as if trying to explain a science problem. The emphasis clearly on acomplishing her metrics rather than on the passions.
"It doesn't have to improve anything, it could be something to help you relax or get to know others better." Drie replied, still sounding a little confused but not a great deal. "There are times where people can bond over non work or metric related things that they do in their spare time."
"Others perhaps. I do not think I will persue bonding as a main goal." She responded, her words coming off even more mechanical than before. Her explanations shorter, her pace just a bit faster.
"Doesn't have to be a main goal, could be a side goal." Drei replied. "Haven't you ever wanted to get closer to others? Regarding them as a real friend rather than just a face you've met?"
"Maybe. At times." Vier admited, "... but, the idea of it tends to be better than the practice. What is important is the work."
Drei sighed.
"Well all you can do is practice, you can practice while at work. There are others who work with you or at least around you...isn't there?"
Still, Drei didn't know what to think or feel on this matter. He struggled to get his mind wrapped around this. Though he soon found that the car had come to a halt. They arrived at their destination and now, Drei wondered if Wazu would be really willing to meet him. What could go wrong? And what could go right?
Sometime later...
It had taken nearly a week for Wazu's schedule to line up, granting him some free time from the current mission onboard the YSS Eucharis so that he could stop by 188604 and meet up with Drei.
Unlike Vier, he didn't have the ample extra bodies to fill in where he wasn't.
While Drei was waiting, Vier had provided him with a room in Nath tower, as well as anything he requested to keep himself occupied. This included the rather spacious meeting table right beside the window overlooking Osman city. The simple wood and stone buildings contrasting with the ultra modern glass and metal structures that had recently been added in.
"I should appologize," Wazu started, "If I knew you were out there, I may have sought you out sooner."
Much like Vier, Wazu dressed very simply, generic grey pants, brown shoes, a green T... non-discript enough that he might easily blend into the background on Nepleslia or Yamatai. Vier had let him into Drei's room, and currently had another one of her bodies waiting by the door.
"I... uh, do not really know what to say."
Drei didn't ask for much, the table was nice and he did request a few tools to work on the little nobs he had with him. The small robots weren't the best of things but they would be a better aid than nothing when it came to really complex surgeracies. He did ask for a couple of books and well, he'd been reading one when he heard the door open.
When Drei's gaze landed on Wazu, he wondered if the two looked anything alike. He didn't see much resemblance of Vier to Wazu and well, Wazu always looked a mess. Still he looked a mess even now, wearing some tattered clothing.
"It's okay, you didn't know so there wasn't a way for you to know." Drei replied. "From what I understand, you two went your seperate ways. No real reason to stay in contact with each other."
Drei was rather nervous, over the week he struggled with being positive on anything he was doing, on what he could even do. So all he did was worry when not reading.
"Uh well..." Drei stammered nervously. "You can sit and...we can talk?"
"So let us talk," Wazu said, making his way to the table and taking a seat, setting his Datapad out infront of him. Vier certainly looked far more crisp and together... though Wazu himself seemed to have a bit more human pace about him when speaking...
... or at least he was trying to.
"I have heard a bit about you through Vier. Though I am not sure if you are looking for answers as to why you are the way you are... or if it is something else. I do understand what it is like to want to have a destiny handed to you... and what it is like to be without one. Born creatures tend to be unable to ask why they were created while machines can be told their reason for exsisting...
... I think I find both equally terrifying."
"Well I...I would like to know if there's a way to maybe stop the...gl...glitches...I have." Drei said, shuddering as he spoke. "It's not exactly the destiny part that I'm trying to get worked on, I...I just want to be able to blend better...but I can't with the...glitches. Father couldn't figure out why that was and well...you did help in the beginning..."
Indeed they had but that didn't mean that Wazu could help him. Putting his hands together, he gave a small nod to their words.
"Yeah...they are both equally terrifying." he agreed.
"Well, I am not an expert in... you... but, I am sure we can come up with some work arounds. At the very least I am sure we can make some changes that can lessen the glitches, make things a bit smoother. Verbally, and mentally, I think it may be best to leave things as they are. We could start making changes but that is a bit excessive. It could end up having more negative results than positive." Wazu explained, "... A lot of that is you in there, and to change it you would need to be someone else."
"Someone...else?" Drei questioned. "What do you mean by...by...that?"
Drei's repeats of the words was due to the glitching affecting him in a different way rather just him randomly shuddering or jerking. Why would he have to be somone else just to...get somewhat fixed?
"Well. If we start changing parts of what make you you, then we might end up making a major change that we can not easily undo. Making adjustments to your physical body, adding in parts to help even out your tremors, that is easy. Changing how you think and process information is hard."
Drei had a worried and more nervous look on his face. His hands went together as he sat there,slowly fidgeting a bit as he just sat there.
"i...I just don't want these glit...gli...ah!! Glitches!" Drei had to force out. "I just don't want them to keep happening, I...i don't want people to see me as robotic or...some odd mess of it.."
"I twould be easy for me to say that you are still young, and you do not know who you are yet but that always sounds condesending to me... it is more like, as you get older, you will have more and more in your life and these glitches will seem like such a smaller and smaller part of who you are." Wazu paused for a moment, it certainly sounded like he was trying to talk Drei out of making any changes and that certainly was not what he wanted. He needed to reframe the discussion...
"Wanting to change yourself and accepting you you are, are both important things. In this case, I think we should make the small changes first and see how that improves your quality of life... we do not need to jump right to brain surgery.
Maybe this all is not coming out right? As much as I want to help, I also feel like not letting you learn some of this for yourself is doing you a disservice."
Drei's face paled a bit at the brain surgery thing. Granted he had some medical know how but...eh, not that much. He just knew how dangerous that was still even with the current technology.
"i...I jsut want the glitches gone, if there are alternative ways to do it then...that's fine but..." Drei started. "They aren't...really helping. if i can't keep my hands steady enough then...if I ever do something medical wise then...i could only hurt the patient."
Drei looked downat the ground, feeling worse. Maybe he was wasting his time? His father wasn't sure if these glitches could go away on its own. Still though, theses glitches could get...bad. What if they got worse as time went by?
"That should be simple enough to fix. We just need to build in a buffer, maybe take some direct control away from your hands. Have another program monitor your inputs and discard anything that looks dangerous or jittery.
Though, if you want to be a doctor you may want to consider not using your hands for surgery. I know you are a machine, but there are also more task-sepcific medical machines that you can be using for the hands on work. Being a good doctor does not mean doing all the work yourself." Wazu offered, "You will also need to learn how to hand off work to others for best results."
"So...my hands would be...useless?" Drei asked, confused by Wazu's comment. "The glitches are in more than just my hands, it's...in my whole body and my speech. It affects everything.
Reaching into his pocket, he took out one of the quarter sized Nods that he had made. The small thing came to life and skittered about. Though it remained on his knee more than anything.
"I have two more of these things, I..I made them for in case if there was something that had to be done that was really really percise or small." Drei added.
Drei's expression turned sadder, a displeased look on his face as he looked away from Wazu.
"I don't feel like a machine....I know there are parts in me but...I don't feel like it." Drei commented. "I don't want to be like that but...I don't want to be some weird...freaky thing in the middle...like I already am.."
"I am sentient meat... so that is pretty weird. I basically spend all of my time trying to trick rocks into thinking for me.
If you want to help people with your medical talents then do that. Working on developing your own talents tends to calm worries about who and what you are. Besides it looks like you already understand how using your abilities works.
Just being able to do a thing is not as valuble as being able to develop tools for doing a thing. Perhaps you could teach your devices to operate on their own? You could widely deploy them and save a lot of lives.
As for your hands,
Think of it like having a co-pilot. We would have a system running that would watch your movements and try to even things out so you do not glitch so noticeably." Wazu explained.
"But...they're so small and they can function on their own to a extent, I can also link em to my mind and control em that way." Drei said, though he honestly wasn't sure on what to do.
Drei merely nodded, a co-pilot of sorts sounded...helpful. If it would stop his glitches from being noticed then he'd be fine with that.
"Is...is there a reason why...you didn't stay to retake the project of building me with father?" Drei asked. "i mean...I know you got Vier and she's much better. But...um...he said you left after Vier was compelte..."
"Vier is different. Better is subjective." Wazu replied, pausing for a bit as he thought about how to respond.
"Sometimes... people need to move on. I could not stay there forever. The work was done. It was time to move on. Consider how old you are now... only a few years. I spent one of your lifetimes there... I have spent longer than you have been alive doing all sorts of things.
I am not used to people leaving, but, perhaps it is easier for me than it would be for you..."
Bringing up the digital phone, he started to make the call and as he waited for it to connect, he fidgeted. While the man was mostly human; considering his creation and his glitchy nature, he was hopeful. He'd finally get to see the other being who had a hand in his creating! In a way, it was like meeting a lost parent. Though he had no idea on how to refer to em. When the screen finally changed when the call was accepted, Drei wondered if he'd get to see their face on the vid screen or not.
"Uhm...hi, I'm not sure if this is the right number but...I'm looking for a Mr. Wazu...I'm Drei Xanatos.." Drei started, trying to figure out how to word things. "My father said that you helped him work on me before having to alter projects..."
Would that be enough? He hoped so.
It would certainly take some time for a response to come. Perhaps they didn't want to speak, perhaps it was lag due to far off distances being involved.
"Drei.... "
It was like the wheels in Wazu's head could be heard turning.
"I was not aware that another one of you was produced."
It would take another few moments before Wazu would respond again.
"How is your father doing? We have not exactly kept in touch. And... what are you looking for?"
The voice was a good sign, it made what heart that the creation had nearly skip a beat. Course, he breathed a silent sigh. Though he wodnered, was it the right Wazu? They seemed to debat before answering again, maybe they were mulling over the name? As if trying to recall it? When the voice finally came back and seemed to stay, he felt more hopeful.
"He's well!" Drei replied, sounding excited. "A bit bored as most of his old plans seem to have gotten ruined somehow...eh.."
Yes, by space rodents....don't ask. Not important. Shaking his head to stay on track, he returned to the matter at hand.
"I...I wanted to meet you. He only mentioned you very recenlty and I wanted to meet you...to learn about you." Drei answered, fidgeting with his fingers again. "That and I guess, I'm a bit glitchy still. Father said that there's something that he can't get out to make me a bit more normal."
Though what did normal mean? Who knows.
"I see... I am in the middle of something else right now." There was certainly something in this Drei's voice that gave away just what its position in life must have been, "I may not be able to get away for a week or two. Do you have a place to stay out there for the time being? Where are you anyways?" He asked.
Drei felt things come crashing down, they were busy? Oh...well yes that made sense. They were their own being after all, they had a job to do no doubt. Still...he had been hopeful that they could spend time. Glancing down, the man wondered what to do. Even with their questions.
"I...I'm in Nepleslia...." Drei answered. "No, I don't have anywhere to stay. I've just been bouncing around trying to find ya."
Where was he in Nepleslia? Looking around, he searched for a landmark of some sort. The only thing that caught his attention was what looked to be a diner of some sort. He squinted his eyes as he read the name on the glowing billboard.
"I'm in a booth near a diner called...Nebula Diner." Drei added. "Are there any apartments near here?"
"I can send someone to pick you up. Though. For the time being I would suggest not using your first name if you can help it. There is some history there that might not be great. We can get you squared away for the time being.
I will determine when I can meet you, and try to follow up soon. Can I reach you at this number or... are you reaching out to me on a public terminal?"
"Um...okay.." Drei replied.
He wasn't sure on what was wrong with his first name, his father claimed that it was what Wazu was gonna call him. He couldn't help but wonder what was wrong with it. Still, he wasn't going to argue with the man. They were a parent of his, he should listen to em.
"This is a public terminal, I...I didn't really bring much with me. Just enough to get out here and keep myself alive." Drei answered.
He did have to eat, despite his cybernetic parts inside of him.
"I see. I will send someone to that location then. As they say 'do not go nowhere...'"
It would take nearly two hours before something happened. Two hours of waiting on Nepleslian streets... a mixture of run down slums and high technology slapped together with little concern for asthetics. Nearly two hours of people taking odd, long, looks at Drei as he waited around.
Eventually, as promised, someone would show up. A dark car, with a single passenger. A woman wearing form fitting grey and black. Her hair pulled back into a ponytail, her sporty, professional look oozing out into how efficently she moved and spoke.
"Mr. Xanatos?" She asked, approaching him almost as soon as she exited the back door of the car.
"Right...nowhere..." Drei muttered before ending the call.
Giving a sigh, he paced around. Trying hard to amuse himself while wating. He even took out one of the small nobs he had, and fiddled with it, watching it skitter about on his hand and up his arm. Only to return to it's spot. Finally two hours later and about to die of boredom as he turned the quarter size robot off and back into his belt. He spotted a car.
Cars weren't something he was used to seeing, yes he saw em back home but they were just...eh. In his mind at least. So when the woman came out, he was a bit disappointed; but Wazu did say he was sending someone.
"Yes, that's me." Drei answered as he went over to em. "Though just call me Xanatos, not mister please.."
"If you would," Vier said, her hand motioning towards the car door. "I appologize for the wait. Your visit was unexpected. I would also prefer we get off the streets for the time being."
Vier seemed quite sure of what she was doing. Her body moving only exactly as much required for each task. Her clothing fit perfectly, her voice firm. The car itself was similar, no real embelishments, just four seats all facing towards the center of the vehicle, with no real space for a driver. The setup on the inside looked more like a small, mobile, room than a proper car.
Drei nodded and did as she said. Something about her looked familiar. He wasn't sure on what though, it felt like he saw something resembling her back home.
"Right...he probably didn't know I even exisited so, makes sense for my appearance to unexpected." Drei replied, giving a kind smile.
Once inside, he sat there. Fiddling with his thumbs as he sat there and looking at the woman across from him. Finally, it just got to be too much for him and he took a deep breathe.
"You look...familiar." Drei started. "Do I to you or...is it just me?"
"Your face is not a familar one to me. Though I suspect we have a lot in common. You will have to excuse the fomalities. There are a few earlier versions of me... of us... if that is the case. Not all of them share our father's values.
Here... for example... the Drei system was intended to guide the Nepleslians to a more civilized society. They rejected it... and though they still follow our plan for them, they would likely react negatively to another Drei system operating publicly. "
Vier would Frown at Drei,
"Normally I would be able to Sync experiances with you. It appears that function is not an option here."
So...she was a version of him huh? Drei found himself conflicted. He never did like what he was. Father's values? So what did that make him? He was just trying to blend in.
"I'm just....a medic." Drei replied, trying to push past the matter.
Sync up...it was a process his father had mentioned, a process he thankfully didn't really have to do. Sure he did it on his little nobs, the little robots he used for surgeries. Not really much of anything else.
"Probably for the better than, right?" Drei suggested. "After all, we don't have to worry about anything going wrong and no suspicion arises."
"Unknown. I have not had to deal with a shard such as yourself. I am unclear as to how much commonality we have." She would pause only for a moment.
"You were built only for medical tasks?"
Stiff...that was the vibe he got. Keeping his fingers together, he fidgeted. Growing nervous as he sat there but doing his best to not really show it; failing clearly though.
"Shard?" Drei asked, looking up at her.
Confusion was clear on his face as he sat there. Shard...so he was just a piece, a fragment of her? That didn't really sound like a good thing. Why was she so robotic? Oh yeah, he was a glitch. A glitchy product needing someone else to fix him. The man twitched suddenly the jerk motion was similiar to lag in a video game as he recognized it as a glitch. Thankfully, it didn't do anything else. So he recovered easily for it, though he tried to ignore it as if nothing happened.
"All I had to do. Granted, I can't do any major surgeries or attaching cybernetics to a patient." Drei explained. "I do have these little guys."
Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out the quarter sized and shape bot. There was a glow from it's eyes as it came online. The other two left his pocket and the three started to scurry about on his knees. Acting in unision with their hive mind mentality.
"Shard. An instanced version of a thing. In this case you have clearly strayed from the main development branch of Drei far enough to no longer be compatible with the current version of the system.
I have found that it is easier to explain my exsistance in terms of software and versioning, rather than Birthdays and age. Bithdays and age can be confusing when we do not have a traditional date of birth, or a single date for birth."
She would observe the additional small robots for a moment, "Are these of your design?"
"Well...it did take em a long time to finish me." Drei commented. "Issues during the original attempt, I know they made someone else while I was...er...on the back burner you could say."
That was one way to put it. It worked and that was all that mattered.
"Right....makes sense..." Drei added, glancing back to his little bots. "No, I didn't make em. Father did, or at least my father that I was compeleted by. Mr. Wazu is also my father you could say."
"Why were you finished?" Vier asked. "I would expect that you were created for a reason. That there is some goal behind your exsisting."
"I... I don't know it." Drei answered.
The small bots returned to him and he turned them off. Returning them to his pocket.
"I see." Vier would shift around a bit, taking a more relaxed posture, her tone and cadance switching up, "Perhaps I have been going about this wrong. You seem to be more like the humans than the synthetic life forms. If you do not have some goal you are looking to achive with your life, then maybe you feel like there is something you want, or something you would want to do? Wazu himself is still weeks away from here... though I can certainly help with whatever you may require in the mean time." She was smiling now, instead of deadpaning. Her posture just as artificial as she was, like she had just swaped modes. While she tried to seem genuine, she was also still trying to catagorize Drei the way she knew how: fitting him into a goal or action to be taken.
"Well I wanted to meet him but...that's not really a life goal, that's pretty close to being achieved as both of you said that he's a few weeks away but he is coming back here." Drei replied.
Even with her losing the deadpan tone and look, she still seemed a bit too rigid. Was he suppose to be like that? More robotic?
"Father said...there was something wrong, something that prevented him and Mr. Wazu from finishing me when they were both working on me." Drei responded. "And he says there's still something in me that...doesn't work the way it should, it makes me glitch. My...more being human is one of those glitches it seeems..."
There were other glitches too, but the struggle to provide a different answer than another 'I don't know' made it harder for him to voice those other glitches. In truth, he wanted to be human. He was fun with how humaned he seemed. There were just worse issues.
"You look complete to me." Vier said, trying out 'comforting' as a tone. Perhaps not quite getting it right. "Or, as complete as someone can actually be. There should never be a point where you are finished in your development. If there is something you want to change about yourself, you should develop a plan to make that change and stick to it.
Though... that also seems easier for someone like me, who has an explicitly stated purpose in life. You seem to be less certain on what to do."
"I'm not certain of anything.." Drei replied, glancing away, figeting once more with his hands. "I mean, I understand medicine and how to do things with it. I'm inexperienced though as, my father never needed surgies which is great."
Indeed, that was a good thing. It meant they were healthy and nothing too horrible was going on in them. So there was nothing wrong with that. Inexperience was fine.
"I guess I'm complete in terms of body..." Drei added, giving a shrug.
Vier was quick to pair a preceived want with an action.
"Are you looking to attend medical school?" She asked. "What kind of procedures have you already conducted?"
"I...." Drei started, though he found himself conflicted. "I've dressed wounds, made sure father was healthy. The simple ordinary procedures unless he cut his hand badly. The worse thing he ever suffered was a few broken bones and I helped him make the cast for his arm."
Drei couldn't sit there much longer, he found himself adjusting his position in his growing discomfort. It felt like all eyes were on him and one wrong thing would cause him to be broken and destroyed. Destroyed for not being a normal human. He wasn't a robot but he wasn't a human. He was neither, yet he was leaning more towards one than the other.
"I feel there is some resistance to discussing this?" Vier asked curiously, continuing to press forward despite the discomfort. "Is medical school not something you are interested in?"
"It's just, a tricky subject matter." Drei said.
"Then I would prefer to tackle it head on. You are the closest thing I have to kin, and I should be helping you however I can." She explained.
"I just....well..." Drei tried to say, trying to push past his uncertainty with it. "I never thought of school. I just don't want others to learn of what I am. I'm always glitching, it happens at any time and with how human I seem. People could react poorly to it."
"There is nothing wrong with being a machine, but with anything, people need to know how to react to you. If they have some expectation of how you will act, and how to respond to you, they will have an easier time interacting.
... I suppose I sound like an after school special..." Vier mused, "If you wish to hide, I can certainly help. However... I find that offering help can sometimes be insulting to people. I will not attempt to force self-improvement on you, though if there is something you want to achive I can help.
How do you want to feel?" Vier asked.
A nervous sound left Drei, it was a slight laugh and a tiny smile pulled at the corners of his lips as he sat there.
"Nothing wrong with that honestly, shows you are at least trying to help." Drei replied to her comment on how she sounded. "You at least sound confident with everything you say, like it's easy for you to be at ease and just give people what they want to hear or need. You just have that air of confidence as my other father would say.."
Something he lacked in all honesty. It was why he felt like he was a glitch, like too much was wrong with him in some part of him.
"Well...I want to feel normal, I want to laugh and cry. Find enjoyment and displeasure in things, have moments where I can feel strong and not as...well...vunerable..." Drei replied, his small shrug returning.
"I focus on the task at hand. I am not emotionless, but I try to let reason be in control. Others have their own methods for how they handle their feelings, and when it comes to feeling normal I may not be the best teacher." Vier replied, taking a deeper look at Drei as she processed what he was saying.
Vier wanted to say it was normal to feel that way. While much subject matter had been written on this, her own experiance had led her to beleive that there certainly was a 'normal' that constituted a very large group of people. There were shared experiances and feelings that were certainly common for everyone...
... but most people seemed to be on the outside of that, looking in. Accepting that you were an outsider looking in also seemed to bring with it a lot of confidence.
Drei seemed to be something else. There was no providing an easy way towards what he wanted. There also certainly seemed to be no path avalible without Drei's own willlingness to take a big leap.
It certainly would be a complex problem.
"You feel that you can not laugh and cry in your current state?"
"I...I didn't mean to imply you were..." Drei admitted in a low voice, feeling his 'nerves' get the better of him.
Fidgeting set in as he sat there, he seemed to have a slight spasm in his hand as his body glitched. Causing him to grab hold of his wrist with his spare hand as he tried to get the glitch under control. Turning his attention to his hand, he moved it around a few times before figuring the glitch was over for the moment.times before figuring the glitch was over for the moment.
"I can, it's just..." Drei started though he felt himself jerk as the glitching merely changed it's location. "I glitch too much....so it often feels...not real.."
"Not real? Can you elaborate more?" Vier asked, not seeming to mind the spasms in his hand.
"My body doesn't always act by my own desire, sometimes it's just a limb spasming or it's my whole my body on the rarer occasion." Drei started. "Other times...my mind goes blank, kind of like shut down but the rest doesn't respond to that and my body will act upon its own accord."
Taking a deep breathe, he released his hand. A pondering look came to his face as he tried to figure out how else to explain it.
"Sometimes, it just doesn't feel like it's me reacting normally." Drei added. "Father said that I still had glitches and that he couldn't work them out of my system, he wasn't sure if they were being caused by what parts of me are robotic or if it is something else biological."
"How much do you trust your father?" Vier asked bluntly, suddenly filled with suspicion at the thought of Drei's father installing some level of remote control over his body.
"huh?" Drei commented. "Well I...I trust him with my life, I wouldn't be alive if he hadn't decided to try and work on me on his own. After all..Wazu an him did start over with...you.."
Vier seemed tense for a moment, focused entirely on Drei for a moment as she considered how to evaluate his statements. It was easy to consider this all some elaborite ploy, however Drei had given her no reason to distrust him yet.
Vier would take up a more relaxed posture,
"That only means you are not me. I suppose that means you can choose your own destiny to fufill, or make your life what you want it to be."
Drei gave a shrug, he wasn't sure what it meant. He just knew he was a great deal different from her. After all, what could he do?
"I guess that's..one way to put it.." he said.
"Unlike you, I do not have a choice. Not that I regret this, but I have no real experiance with being able to choose," Vier explained, "Your choice, or lack of one, will end up defining you."
"Why can't you choose for yourself? Surely you have that ability too." Drei said.
"I was literally built to do this." Vier explained, "Unlike most, I know what I am here to do. While I could choose to do something else, I do not..." Vier seemed to be taking a moment, finding this part hard to put into words, "Perhaps I need to be this."
"But...you could be something else. You're clearly very intelligent, isn't there something else you'd prefer to do? Or at least attempt to do?" Drei asked. "Surely you have things you want or desire to have/do in this world. Why not try to accomplish a few personal goals?"
"I do not have personal goals." Vier stated, as if she was missing the point entirely. "I try not to consider things outside of my original goals."
"Why not?" Drei asked, tilting his head. "Haven't you ever wanted to do something outside that? Surely you've developed your interests? Your own passions and desires?"
"A personal passion would not help improve my metrics for performance. It makes sense for me to be passionate about what I already do." Vier responded, as if trying to explain a science problem. The emphasis clearly on acomplishing her metrics rather than on the passions.
"It doesn't have to improve anything, it could be something to help you relax or get to know others better." Drie replied, still sounding a little confused but not a great deal. "There are times where people can bond over non work or metric related things that they do in their spare time."
"Others perhaps. I do not think I will persue bonding as a main goal." She responded, her words coming off even more mechanical than before. Her explanations shorter, her pace just a bit faster.
"Doesn't have to be a main goal, could be a side goal." Drei replied. "Haven't you ever wanted to get closer to others? Regarding them as a real friend rather than just a face you've met?"
"Maybe. At times." Vier admited, "... but, the idea of it tends to be better than the practice. What is important is the work."
Drei sighed.
"Well all you can do is practice, you can practice while at work. There are others who work with you or at least around you...isn't there?"
Still, Drei didn't know what to think or feel on this matter. He struggled to get his mind wrapped around this. Though he soon found that the car had come to a halt. They arrived at their destination and now, Drei wondered if Wazu would be really willing to meet him. What could go wrong? And what could go right?
Sometime later...
It had taken nearly a week for Wazu's schedule to line up, granting him some free time from the current mission onboard the YSS Eucharis so that he could stop by 188604 and meet up with Drei.
Unlike Vier, he didn't have the ample extra bodies to fill in where he wasn't.
While Drei was waiting, Vier had provided him with a room in Nath tower, as well as anything he requested to keep himself occupied. This included the rather spacious meeting table right beside the window overlooking Osman city. The simple wood and stone buildings contrasting with the ultra modern glass and metal structures that had recently been added in.
"I should appologize," Wazu started, "If I knew you were out there, I may have sought you out sooner."
Much like Vier, Wazu dressed very simply, generic grey pants, brown shoes, a green T... non-discript enough that he might easily blend into the background on Nepleslia or Yamatai. Vier had let him into Drei's room, and currently had another one of her bodies waiting by the door.
"I... uh, do not really know what to say."
Drei didn't ask for much, the table was nice and he did request a few tools to work on the little nobs he had with him. The small robots weren't the best of things but they would be a better aid than nothing when it came to really complex surgeracies. He did ask for a couple of books and well, he'd been reading one when he heard the door open.
When Drei's gaze landed on Wazu, he wondered if the two looked anything alike. He didn't see much resemblance of Vier to Wazu and well, Wazu always looked a mess. Still he looked a mess even now, wearing some tattered clothing.
"It's okay, you didn't know so there wasn't a way for you to know." Drei replied. "From what I understand, you two went your seperate ways. No real reason to stay in contact with each other."
Drei was rather nervous, over the week he struggled with being positive on anything he was doing, on what he could even do. So all he did was worry when not reading.
"Uh well..." Drei stammered nervously. "You can sit and...we can talk?"
"So let us talk," Wazu said, making his way to the table and taking a seat, setting his Datapad out infront of him. Vier certainly looked far more crisp and together... though Wazu himself seemed to have a bit more human pace about him when speaking...
... or at least he was trying to.
"I have heard a bit about you through Vier. Though I am not sure if you are looking for answers as to why you are the way you are... or if it is something else. I do understand what it is like to want to have a destiny handed to you... and what it is like to be without one. Born creatures tend to be unable to ask why they were created while machines can be told their reason for exsisting...
... I think I find both equally terrifying."
"Well I...I would like to know if there's a way to maybe stop the...gl...glitches...I have." Drei said, shuddering as he spoke. "It's not exactly the destiny part that I'm trying to get worked on, I...I just want to be able to blend better...but I can't with the...glitches. Father couldn't figure out why that was and well...you did help in the beginning..."
Indeed they had but that didn't mean that Wazu could help him. Putting his hands together, he gave a small nod to their words.
"Yeah...they are both equally terrifying." he agreed.
"Well, I am not an expert in... you... but, I am sure we can come up with some work arounds. At the very least I am sure we can make some changes that can lessen the glitches, make things a bit smoother. Verbally, and mentally, I think it may be best to leave things as they are. We could start making changes but that is a bit excessive. It could end up having more negative results than positive." Wazu explained, "... A lot of that is you in there, and to change it you would need to be someone else."
"Someone...else?" Drei questioned. "What do you mean by...by...that?"
Drei's repeats of the words was due to the glitching affecting him in a different way rather just him randomly shuddering or jerking. Why would he have to be somone else just to...get somewhat fixed?
"Well. If we start changing parts of what make you you, then we might end up making a major change that we can not easily undo. Making adjustments to your physical body, adding in parts to help even out your tremors, that is easy. Changing how you think and process information is hard."
Drei had a worried and more nervous look on his face. His hands went together as he sat there,slowly fidgeting a bit as he just sat there.
"i...I just don't want these glit...gli...ah!! Glitches!" Drei had to force out. "I just don't want them to keep happening, I...i don't want people to see me as robotic or...some odd mess of it.."
"I twould be easy for me to say that you are still young, and you do not know who you are yet but that always sounds condesending to me... it is more like, as you get older, you will have more and more in your life and these glitches will seem like such a smaller and smaller part of who you are." Wazu paused for a moment, it certainly sounded like he was trying to talk Drei out of making any changes and that certainly was not what he wanted. He needed to reframe the discussion...
"Wanting to change yourself and accepting you you are, are both important things. In this case, I think we should make the small changes first and see how that improves your quality of life... we do not need to jump right to brain surgery.
Maybe this all is not coming out right? As much as I want to help, I also feel like not letting you learn some of this for yourself is doing you a disservice."
Drei's face paled a bit at the brain surgery thing. Granted he had some medical know how but...eh, not that much. He just knew how dangerous that was still even with the current technology.
"i...I jsut want the glitches gone, if there are alternative ways to do it then...that's fine but..." Drei started. "They aren't...really helping. if i can't keep my hands steady enough then...if I ever do something medical wise then...i could only hurt the patient."
Drei looked downat the ground, feeling worse. Maybe he was wasting his time? His father wasn't sure if these glitches could go away on its own. Still though, theses glitches could get...bad. What if they got worse as time went by?
"That should be simple enough to fix. We just need to build in a buffer, maybe take some direct control away from your hands. Have another program monitor your inputs and discard anything that looks dangerous or jittery.
Though, if you want to be a doctor you may want to consider not using your hands for surgery. I know you are a machine, but there are also more task-sepcific medical machines that you can be using for the hands on work. Being a good doctor does not mean doing all the work yourself." Wazu offered, "You will also need to learn how to hand off work to others for best results."
"So...my hands would be...useless?" Drei asked, confused by Wazu's comment. "The glitches are in more than just my hands, it's...in my whole body and my speech. It affects everything.
Reaching into his pocket, he took out one of the quarter sized Nods that he had made. The small thing came to life and skittered about. Though it remained on his knee more than anything.
"I have two more of these things, I..I made them for in case if there was something that had to be done that was really really percise or small." Drei added.
Drei's expression turned sadder, a displeased look on his face as he looked away from Wazu.
"I don't feel like a machine....I know there are parts in me but...I don't feel like it." Drei commented. "I don't want to be like that but...I don't want to be some weird...freaky thing in the middle...like I already am.."
"I am sentient meat... so that is pretty weird. I basically spend all of my time trying to trick rocks into thinking for me.
If you want to help people with your medical talents then do that. Working on developing your own talents tends to calm worries about who and what you are. Besides it looks like you already understand how using your abilities works.
Just being able to do a thing is not as valuble as being able to develop tools for doing a thing. Perhaps you could teach your devices to operate on their own? You could widely deploy them and save a lot of lives.
As for your hands,
Think of it like having a co-pilot. We would have a system running that would watch your movements and try to even things out so you do not glitch so noticeably." Wazu explained.
"But...they're so small and they can function on their own to a extent, I can also link em to my mind and control em that way." Drei said, though he honestly wasn't sure on what to do.
Drei merely nodded, a co-pilot of sorts sounded...helpful. If it would stop his glitches from being noticed then he'd be fine with that.
"Is...is there a reason why...you didn't stay to retake the project of building me with father?" Drei asked. "i mean...I know you got Vier and she's much better. But...um...he said you left after Vier was compelte..."
"Vier is different. Better is subjective." Wazu replied, pausing for a bit as he thought about how to respond.
"Sometimes... people need to move on. I could not stay there forever. The work was done. It was time to move on. Consider how old you are now... only a few years. I spent one of your lifetimes there... I have spent longer than you have been alive doing all sorts of things.
I am not used to people leaving, but, perhaps it is easier for me than it would be for you..."
