Whats up, I'm the Faction Manager of Nepleslia. Hope you have a wild ride in this faction of ours, with its decentralized and "wild" nature acting as the perfect catalyst for forming unique and "unconventional" characters.
There are a few concerns that I have with your submission. It's very long-winded and critical, but do note that I contain no malice in the preceding, and hope for you to have a positive experience and grow as a roleplayer.
"Under Physical Characteristics Section" said:
Due to Nepleslian genetic experimentation, Rathe has golden tinted skin with silver tinted scar tissue. Rathe is athletic and somewhat built with a slim frame.
Rathe has humanoid brown eyes with silver nictitating membranes that blink from the outside in as well as his actual eyelids.
Based on Nepleslian military doctrine, which favors utility and survivability, I do not see a reason why an experiment such as this would produce such physical characteristics that go against the previously mentioned doctrines. The prime, documented examples of Nepleslian genetic experimentation produced the ID-SOL and Nepleslian clones, with no such byproducts as highly distinguishable physical features.
However, Nepleslia is a society that is characterized heavily by an individual citizen's freedom to alter their appearance as they see fit, a more extreme version of the tattoos and body modifications you see today, albeit enhanced mostly by cybernetics and higher technology. I can see Rathe having these features as a result of voluntary cosmetic modifications (which there is nothing wrong with) in this setting in order to better distinguish himself, as a personal preference, or the mark of a unknown street gang.
Under Pre-RP Section said:
At a mere 6 months old, Rathe was abducted from his biological parents and taken to a Nepleslian laboratory. After spending 13 years subject to many medical tests and genetic modification, Rathe was taken to a training facility to have his emotions and humanity systematically removed. Rathe was supposed to be the first product of a new form of soldier that would be turned into a biologically enhanced weapon of war that would be able to get the job done without remorse or second thoughts.
Nepleslian military doctrine favors highly survivable PA with versatility and heavy weapons in mind. Lacking the hard numbers of other nations, the SMDIoN heavily emphasizes initiative, toughness, teamwork, and an extremely strong
espirit de corps in their Marine PA infantry in order to win the day. Every SMDIoN Marine should treat the Marine next to him/her as if they were kin, which is something that such an experiment would not produce in such soldiers.
An experiment to produce what are essentially sociopathic soldiers en masse is as contradictory to these cornerstones of the SMDIoN military as it is impractical, where there are huge numbers of such individuals on the streets that can be employed, albeit in a hypothetical sense. Furthermore, resources would more than likely be pooled towards enhancing the current capabilities of ID-SOL and non ID-SOL Nepleslians.
An alternative that would make for a lot of potential character development is that Rathe was subjected to Nepleslian street life (being born into organized crime, joining a street gang) that developed these tendencies to not have a moral compass. It could be that Rathe eventually saw the folly of his ways and got out of that life and joined a privateer group in order to "fix" himself. Playing such a character would be a challenging yet rewarding experience, IMO.
Foxtrot has already mentioned everything else I have issues with.
) for money. Just curious, that Kore guy beat up Rathe so much that it almost killed him, but I wonder why. Did Rathe mess up? Did Kore just go crazy and Rathe has no idea why it happened? It is nothing major, if you do not feel like putting more info about that, you don't have to.
