Approved Character [bounty hunts] Rathe

Since Rathe was never approved, I don't think this would count as a duplication of character. I edited the wiki a bit so yeah.

https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=characters:yamatai:codename_rathe

Let me know if there are any problems.

You probably should tag the GM so they get a notification to look at this thread.

Tagging @ShotJon and @Foxtrot813

Thank you for that. I already contacted foxtrot but I didn't know to include shotjon. (names left untagged on purpose.)

@Wes
For some reason, tagging me doesn't show up on my alerts sometimes. Apparently I'm also not the only one with this problem, as @ShotJon also mentioned having it the other day.

Anyway, onto the revision.

@nite train

I'll divide my thoughts into the bio's sections

History

As it is, the History section needs more details, but first, I am sure that the only biological weapons employed by Nepleslia are ID-SOLs or regular Nepleslian clones, the latter always having the same general appearance from who they were copied from except for the natural white color of their hair. I think it would be better for you to take that avenue than have your character be a different kind of biological weapon.

Moving on, here's some things to thing you should add about regarding the history that will add more depth to it:

• If Rathe has biological parents you must also state them in the bio, even if the character doesn't know who they were. The information in the bio is strictly OOC from the player's point of view.
• Who trained him and raised him in the lab?
• If he escaped without his humanity and morals intact, why does he like placing morals over self-preservation?
• What's an ISP?
• Where did he get his years of combat and stealth if he escaped the lab?
• Why would he work for a mafia/gang if he values his morals?
• Why would he quit that job and become a bounty hunter/freelancer?
• Where does he store his belongings? Why does he do so?

Inventory & Finances

I couldn't find any Striker shotgun in the wiki, and I don't think there is one. Also, I see that your character has half of the usual starting funds but next time please state how he got his gear and how much he paid for it, even if it was in the black market.


Those are my current concerns with this character, as it is, I cannot approve it until those issues are done with it. I'm looking forward to seeing it.

For the history section on The "abnormal biological weapon" issue, that was lack of knowledge on my part and I apologize. That said, there are certain aspects of Rathe that I simply feel are necessary and I'm trying to fit them in as easily as I can. I'll clear up other things you pointed out.

I fixed the noted issues and once again await approval.

Whats up, I'm the Faction Manager of Nepleslia. Hope you have a wild ride in this faction of ours, with its decentralized and "wild" nature acting as the perfect catalyst for forming unique and "unconventional" characters.

There are a few concerns that I have with your submission. It's very long-winded and critical, but do note that I contain no malice in the preceding, and hope for you to have a positive experience and grow as a roleplayer.

"Under Physical Characteristics Section" said:

Due to Nepleslian genetic experimentation, Rathe has golden tinted skin with silver tinted scar tissue. Rathe is athletic and somewhat built with a slim frame.

Rathe has humanoid brown eyes with silver nictitating membranes that blink from the outside in as well as his actual eyelids.

Click to expand...

Based on Nepleslian military doctrine, which favors utility and survivability, I do not see a reason why an experiment such as this would produce such physical characteristics that go against the previously mentioned doctrines. The prime, documented examples of Nepleslian genetic experimentation produced the ID-SOL and Nepleslian clones, with no such byproducts as highly distinguishable physical features.

However, Nepleslia is a society that is characterized heavily by an individual citizen's freedom to alter their appearance as they see fit, a more extreme version of the tattoos and body modifications you see today, albeit enhanced mostly by cybernetics and higher technology. I can see Rathe having these features as a result of voluntary cosmetic modifications (which there is nothing wrong with) in this setting in order to better distinguish himself, as a personal preference, or the mark of a unknown street gang.

Under Pre-RP Section said:

At a mere 6 months old, Rathe was abducted from his biological parents and taken to a Nepleslian laboratory. After spending 13 years subject to many medical tests and genetic modification, Rathe was taken to a training facility to have his emotions and humanity systematically removed. Rathe was supposed to be the first product of a new form of soldier that would be turned into a biologically enhanced weapon of war that would be able to get the job done without remorse or second thoughts.

Click to expand...

Nepleslian military doctrine favors highly survivable PA with versatility and heavy weapons in mind. Lacking the hard numbers of other nations, the SMDIoN heavily emphasizes initiative, toughness, teamwork, and an extremely strong espirit de corps in their Marine PA infantry in order to win the day. Every SMDIoN Marine should treat the Marine next to him/her as if they were kin, which is something that such an experiment would not produce in such soldiers.

An experiment to produce what are essentially sociopathic soldiers en masse is as contradictory to these cornerstones of the SMDIoN military as it is impractical, where there are huge numbers of such individuals on the streets that can be employed, albeit in a hypothetical sense. Furthermore, resources would more than likely be pooled towards enhancing the current capabilities of ID-SOL and non ID-SOL Nepleslians.

An alternative that would make for a lot of potential character development is that Rathe was subjected to Nepleslian street life (being born into organized crime, joining a street gang) that developed these tendencies to not have a moral compass. It could be that Rathe eventually saw the folly of his ways and got out of that life and joined a privateer group in order to "fix" himself. Playing such a character would be a challenging yet rewarding experience, IMO.

Foxtrot has already mentioned everything else I have issues with.

Thank you for the help, I'll be glad to fix what you didn't like, and thank you for suggesting the alternate possibilities. This is my first character and it's still a learning process for me, so it's a lot more help than you think.

I think I'm finished with the noted issues. 3rd time's the charm!

All right I gave it a read and from what other reviewers said, it is clear you gave it quit an overhaul. I do not have many issues myself now. So here is what I got @nite train .

First off and this is nothing major, you should know there Star Army setting does not have humans as a race. Closest to them are Nepleslians and neps are basically humans, got to eat, sleep breath all the jazz, they are just called nepleslians and not humans. I know this is a nitpick, but it would be better if you swapped race from Modified Human to Modified Nepleslian.

Character Description: You note the eye slints, but was that mutation he had from birth? Nepleslia is full of mutants, from people with tiny mutations like Rathe's eyes to full on monster-faces so this would be okay. Of course it could be also altered in the same way his skin was. I just want to make this clear. Also gold skin is pretty cool

History: I have very little to say about this. Good old ganster trying to fix his way backstory is always nice and fits well in a group of people that hunt criminals (well mostly criminals ) for money. Just curious, that Kore guy beat up Rathe so much that it almost killed him, but I wonder why. Did Rathe mess up? Did Kore just go crazy and Rathe has no idea why it happened? It is nothing major, if you do not feel like putting more info about that, you don't have to.

Skills:
Well I will have @Foxtrot 813 have the top word on this, but I am not so sure about the hacking skill. If you are a grunt and gunman, they probably would not teach him how to hack. He is just there to look scary and shoot people. Of course he could gain the skills elsewhere it would not be hard to explain, in hight tech level setting like this he could have jsut do online course or anything. But really if Fox is okay with this, so am I.

As for vehicle skills, do note that flying cars are pretty normal in this setting, but ground cars are pretty common in Nepleslia s well. Is you vehicle skill limited to ground vehicles or do you want Rathe to be able to be good driver-pilot of aircars as well?

Equipment: Well I did quick look around and seems to me like your stuff costed a little more then 3000 Ks, if FoxTrot is okay with that I don't mind. HAS is ussualy IPG gun, but it should be easy to get it if you have access to black market so I do not mind Rathe owning that. Also if you are interested there is a wiki where you can build up your own melee weapon here. It has cool stuff in it and Rathe's skill set is aimed a little bit closer to dealing with people with his blade after all.

Well that's really cool... Alright, I'll fix the issues you gave.

Alright! I've fixed the noted issues and rechecked for any possible thing that three GMs could have missed. Finding nothing, I think I'm finally ready for approval! Also, I was cheap with prices because most of Rathe's equipment is scavenged from his targets, not paid for by him. That explains why Rathe has a HAS and other forms of ISP gear.

Looks good to me now. Fox has final say though.

Changes are good enough, although I'm going to ask you to cut the history section in paragraphs in a later date.

For now, though, the character is Approved, I'll contact you in the OOC thread of the plot or through PM as to how introduce your character, seeing as we're in the middle of a mission, but that can be arranged.

Sounds great!