To: Jacob Canterbury II, Captain NSN
CC: Baroness Soon Bardoon, Sood Zadra
From: Ser Koga Akemi
I can only assume you either weren't serious, couldn't afford me, or -most likely and most unfortunate for any of your future business and sexual partners- both. I know what it's like to find someone you've gotten in bed with wasn't really up to the task. Usually I'd let a few things slide in lieu of a good time! But I've been playing with myself on this one for months, so I'm going to have to hop out. If your pretty pal wants a business at their branch, they don't have one.
My places are only for people that play with me, not those that make me play with myself. Besides, I'm already friends with plenty of Kuvexians thanks to my westerly space port. Have you ever had gold shaved over worms? They make me sell it so I tried it and gotta admit, they're not onto something. It gives a fun new meaning to playing with your food when they have claws, though! They have a way of slow cooking crustaceans I don't think any Nepleslians could handle, man, the slow cooked males come out shooting like they've got forearm pulse cannon! The female lobsters squirt from somewhere else, looking like no woman you've ever seen!
I know you'll get there, though, buddy! Keep trying and remember to learn from your mistakes- like this one. When a pretty girl talks to you, talk back! I am, after all, Yamatai's sweetheart. Just not yours.
Retracting the love,
Formally,
Koga Akemi