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Approved Character Camhi, Verna
- Thread starter Teddo
- Start date
SUBLIMEinal
Well-Known Member
1. Personality: Blunt, kind, stubborn, and harsh do not really mix together. A little more detail would be good here, like when she's going to be blunt/ harsh, or when she's going to be kind. You can't really be both at the same time.
Also, what do you mean by "Normal"? As you're not assigned to a plotship yet, you might want to save that for a bit. If you mean more reserved and rational than most, then put that. Normality is, after all, completely relative.
2. Uuuh... Nepleslian Separatist colonies? I don't think there are any, save Kennewes, although that's A. Not in the UOC and B. Under occupation by the Nepleslian military.
3. The history is very sparse, and doesn't really make sense given the timeline, but that can be forgiven since you're new. Quick history lesson:
The United Outer Colonies broke off of Yamatai in early YE 30, following a fair amount of political unrest all over the sector. Prior to that, they were under the control of the Yamataian 5th Expeditionary Fleet. In fact, Tio is the son of that fleet's former Commanding Officer, Katsuko, who was at that time Empress of the YSE.
The area wasn't colonized prior to YE 29, when the 5th XF was forced to move there after their old headquarters at Taiie was destroyed by the Mishhuvurthyar. Also, the colonies were all Yamataian holdings. Nepleslia didn't really have jack to do with them before they broke off, aside from some light political hand-shaking between pre-Empress Katsuko and Robert Davis.
Edit: S'more 'bout skillz
4. Humanities:
While I'm not actually a member of one of those fields, I do aspire to be, and I know that it's a ridiculous amount of information to teach oneself, especially if the person in question isn't even 20 years old, and if doesn't make much sense if they believe higher education is little more than a waste.
5. Communication:
I'd suggest taking out the sentence about her being eloquent and convincing. That's up to who's hearing her to decide. At least that's my opinion. I'll leave final verdict on that to the Dosh-meister.
6. Leadership:
Use of this skill for brand new players is often vocally discouraged on general principle: They're bottom-rung enlisted folk. How'd they pick up strong leadership skills? However, your skill description has a little more wrong than that with it.
For one thing, you're multi-skilling, putting numerous skills or trade knowledge under a single skill heading. You have diplomacy, intelligence gathering, command, and I think one or two others listed in there. How exactly would an average teenager, barring extensive training, which she doesn't have, learn all this stuff?
Also, the last bit about people being inclined to agree with her needs to go. Once again, you're not controlling other people in the setting; other players are. It's up to them if they agree with her or not.
Also, what do you mean by "Normal"? As you're not assigned to a plotship yet, you might want to save that for a bit. If you mean more reserved and rational than most, then put that. Normality is, after all, completely relative.
2. Uuuh... Nepleslian Separatist colonies? I don't think there are any, save Kennewes, although that's A. Not in the UOC and B. Under occupation by the Nepleslian military.
3. The history is very sparse, and doesn't really make sense given the timeline, but that can be forgiven since you're new. Quick history lesson:
The United Outer Colonies broke off of Yamatai in early YE 30, following a fair amount of political unrest all over the sector. Prior to that, they were under the control of the Yamataian 5th Expeditionary Fleet. In fact, Tio is the son of that fleet's former Commanding Officer, Katsuko, who was at that time Empress of the YSE.
The area wasn't colonized prior to YE 29, when the 5th XF was forced to move there after their old headquarters at Taiie was destroyed by the Mishhuvurthyar. Also, the colonies were all Yamataian holdings. Nepleslia didn't really have jack to do with them before they broke off, aside from some light political hand-shaking between pre-Empress Katsuko and Robert Davis.
Edit: S'more 'bout skillz
4. Humanities:
While I'm not actually a member of one of those fields, I do aspire to be, and I know that it's a ridiculous amount of information to teach oneself, especially if the person in question isn't even 20 years old, and if doesn't make much sense if they believe higher education is little more than a waste.
5. Communication:
I'd suggest taking out the sentence about her being eloquent and convincing. That's up to who's hearing her to decide. At least that's my opinion. I'll leave final verdict on that to the Dosh-meister.
6. Leadership:
Use of this skill for brand new players is often vocally discouraged on general principle: They're bottom-rung enlisted folk. How'd they pick up strong leadership skills? However, your skill description has a little more wrong than that with it.
For one thing, you're multi-skilling, putting numerous skills or trade knowledge under a single skill heading. You have diplomacy, intelligence gathering, command, and I think one or two others listed in there. How exactly would an average teenager, barring extensive training, which she doesn't have, learn all this stuff?
Also, the last bit about people being inclined to agree with her needs to go. Once again, you're not controlling other people in the setting; other players are. It's up to them if they agree with her or not.
By skills am I supposed to be an absolute MASTER of each of them? Because when I think skills I think... things that she's a fairly good at. Simply because I'm saying she's 'convincing' doesn't mean it's a godmod. I'm just saying she's CONVINCING. Whether people are convinced or not is entirely up to them...
I suspected there would be a conflict of history... but the CCG said that Napleslians could be in the UOC. Suggestions on how she can be connected to the UOC?
I suspected there would be a conflict of history... but the CCG said that Napleslians could be in the UOC. Suggestions on how she can be connected to the UOC?
SUBLIMEinal
Well-Known Member
Nepleslians CAN be in the UOC, don't get me wrong there. It's just that under the timeframe given by your bio (moved there when she was 12), it wouldn't work, as they weren't colonized then.
She could have moved to the Taiie system when she was 12, and then continued to UOC space after that planet was destroyed as a refugee with the rest of the 5th XF, or simply say she moved there at her current age after the colonies broke off.
She could have moved to the Taiie system when she was 12, and then continued to UOC space after that planet was destroyed as a refugee with the rest of the 5th XF, or simply say she moved there at her current age after the colonies broke off.
Teddo said:
https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=wr ... ing_forces
Please standardize your skills. It's necessary to standardize to ensure the soldier is considered properly trained. That will eliminate the problem of whether she's convincing or not.
Soresu
Well-Known Member
Teddo,
Here is the Wiki code link for the inventory. Just follow that step I blurbed in, and you're set on your inventory.
Here is the Wiki code link for the inventory. Just follow that step I blurbed in, and you're set on your inventory.
Fay
Well-Known Member
Welcome to SARP. Please enjoy your stay.
One little thing that I'd like to point out would be to name individual family members. Right now, it's unknown who exactly are her family members. In a character bio, nothing can be unknown. Also, by Nepleslian Seperatist colonists, do you mean the Reds? If so, then please use that reference instead.
One little thing that I'd like to point out would be to name individual family members. Right now, it's unknown who exactly are her family members. In a character bio, nothing can be unknown. Also, by Nepleslian Seperatist colonists, do you mean the Reds? If so, then please use that reference instead.
Kai
Retired Staff
So... How do you like it here, Chibi? I'm going to have to tell them where I found you sooner or later XD Of course they may hate me then.
Anyway... I looked over your Bio... What do you mean by Nepleslian separatists? there aren't really separatists in Nepleslia, unless you are, as mentioned before, which are a faction that has been mostly cowed by now and are not really liked by the UOC.
Wait.... DO you mean colonists in the newly colonized planets the the galactic north or the UOC? that would clear up a lot of confusion though you do mention Peacekeepers which is UOC...
Basically, you are crossing several factions in ways that have not been seen before, and may not necessarily be possible given the politics. PM me or hit me up on some form of chat program if you would like some help, k?
Anyway... I looked over your Bio... What do you mean by Nepleslian separatists? there aren't really separatists in Nepleslia, unless you are, as mentioned before, which are a faction that has been mostly cowed by now and are not really liked by the UOC.
Wait.... DO you mean colonists in the newly colonized planets the the galactic north or the UOC? that would clear up a lot of confusion though you do mention Peacekeepers which is UOC...
Basically, you are crossing several factions in ways that have not been seen before, and may not necessarily be possible given the politics. PM me or hit me up on some form of chat program if you would like some help, k?
Yeah, at this point, it's only the locations and the Survival & Military skill that's throwing me off.
What planet was she actually from and what planet is she and her parents on now? Use the star map if you need help.
And the Survival & Military skill ... what skills did she actually learn/specialize in? Survival & Military's a semi-broad skill, so you can toss a few things in there.
What planet was she actually from and what planet is she and her parents on now? Use the star map if you need help.
And the Survival & Military skill ... what skills did she actually learn/specialize in? Survival & Military's a semi-broad skill, so you can toss a few things in there.
Would p1-6 work for the world she moved to? https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=nepleslia:colonial_expanse
When I say she's from the homeworld... she's from Nepleslia.
Would something more along the lines of this work for the skill? :
Survival and Military
Verna is well-versed in standard survival skills for most situations, and carries basic knowledge of military protocol. (Nothing fancy, just boot camp junk.)
When I say she's from the homeworld... she's from Nepleslia.
Would something more along the lines of this work for the skill? :
Survival and Military
Verna is well-versed in standard survival skills for most situations, and carries basic knowledge of military protocol. (Nothing fancy, just boot camp junk.)
SUBLIMEinal
Well-Known Member
Not if you still wanted her to be in the UOC, considering that's on the opposite side of the sector from the United Outer Colonies, and is in fact a Nepleslian world. Also, that's another very recently colonized world. Actually, it hasn't even been settled yet, to my knowledge.
As far as I can tell, colonization status of worlds is completely disregarded. I went through half the systems in the universe, and all the wiki pages talked about were the military status of the planet or the native species. Nil about colonization.
Which planets in YSE were colonized prior to YE 23? I can't seem to find anything that would tell me.
Which planets in YSE were colonized prior to YE 23? I can't seem to find anything that would tell me.
These old maps should give you a general idea:
https://stararmy.com/setting/planets/gsa ... _area1.gif
(Purple stars are the YSE)
https://stararmy.com/setting/planets/RDD_Range_100ly.gif
(YSE sensor range)
I think they're from the YE 23 era.
As for old (early YEs) colonized planets, there's only Nepleslia, Kennewes, Damasica, Rok'veru, and Yamatai, IIRC.
https://stararmy.com/setting/planets/gsa ... _area1.gif
(Purple stars are the YSE)
https://stararmy.com/setting/planets/RDD_Range_100ly.gif
(YSE sensor range)
I think they're from the YE 23 era.
As for old (early YEs) colonized planets, there's only Nepleslia, Kennewes, Damasica, Rok'veru, and Yamatai, IIRC.
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