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Approved Character Characters for the ITC

Yoerik

Yoerik

Inactive Member
Hello,

If you haven't seen my other thread concerning the ITC, read it first before this: https://stararmy.com/roleplay-forum/index.php?threads/about-the-itc.15210/

I have two new NPC characters, the leaders of the ITC, and I need approval. If I missed something with creation, I'd really like to hear so I can improve it.

check them out here: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=characters:yamatai:npc:takahashi_kenichi
and the other one here: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=characters:yamatai:npc:kinzo_odaka
also I need approval for my own player character: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=characters:yamatai:skeggason_bjarkmar

Please tell me your thoughts.

Greetings,
Yoerik
 
Last edited by a moderator:
I've moved the NPC pages to the character:npc namespace for you (you put them in the root folder) and updated your post with the new URLs.

1. Takeshi: Takeshi's not a Taisho. That's a Star Army of Yamatai name for their top admirals. Since he's the head of a transport company, maybe a better rank/title for him would be CEO or President. Also, while I don't have a better suggestion for the art, I think that using a Star Army of Yamatai character's artwork is confusing, since he's in a transport company and not the Star Army. So I'd recommend removing the pic. For character description, I think it would help if we added some description of what he looks like.

2. Kinzo: Same deal, basically. The details of the character are very bare and she has no physical description and the art is a Star Army of Yamatai uniform, which gives the impression she's in the Star Army.

3. Bjarkmar: Please update organization, rank, and the "a member of the SSS" down in the finances section. I suggest replacing the picture with something not in Star Army of Yamatai uniform. Minkan have better healing than humans so scars are uncommon, so you may want to reconsider him having one. In the history, it says he joined the SSS. Shouldn't the history section talk about how he got into the ITC?
 
First character submissions should not be grouped in a single thread.

The only artwork you can use without permission is the anonymous artwork. All these pages you have taken character art from another page. You need to get approval to use them.

Since your currently operating in the Open Roleplay Forum you do not need characters to be approved. But if you want these characters to become canon and used for your company and such, there is a lot of work to be done.

Let's start with your Player Character


You have him at 19 years old, in a civilian company with a military rank. You need to personalize the Build and skin, and put specifics. BTW Minkan do not scar, they regenerate. Also they are a new species, so what was your character prior to becoming a Minkan?

You say he has curly brown hair, how long is it? What style does he usually keep it. How tight is the curl.

You say he wanted to be in the SSS all his life, but the SSS was not founded until YE 30.

Your skills need to be more verbose

Background you have the character at 19 but you give a three line history. What was his life like, did anything significant happen. Where was he born? does he have siblings. What did his parents do for a living?

There are more but these are enough for you to start working on .
 
I have listened to your feedback, and have added lots of things to the characters.check them out! Let me know if I forgot something.
 
I think these are much better. I think the NPCs are sufficient and can be approved once the ITC is approved, and I think the main thing holding up the ITC is the space station (we need to find another model since the Kisaki-class is currently limited to the YSE government).

For Skeggason Bjarkmar, he needs new text for his build and skin color (right now it's copy-pasta). What color is his tattoo? Where did he learn Saalsari (contact with the Iroma is pretty limited thus far)? I fixed the links for you in the inventory section (but removed the anti-matter production one since it's not an item).
 
I've added much to the ITC page and the characters, so check it out. I hope it can be approved. Tell me what I need to do if I missed something.
 
I'm sorry for not being more clear, but the Iromakuanhe thing is still an issue. I suggest removing it. The reason is because Yamatai and the Astral Commonwealth (Iromakuanhe) haven't made official first contact or have ambassadors to each other. Basically the Iroma part of the SARP universe keeps its distance from the main factions.
 
All three characters are now approved.
 
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