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Approved Submission [Colonial Pact] Valmet Colonial Region

Arieg

Arieg

DEFCON Everybody Dies
Submission Type: NPC Faction
Submission URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=wip:colonial_pact_valmet_region

Faction: Valmet Self Governing Colonial Region of the Colonial Pact
FM Approved Yet? Yes by myself.
Faction requires art? Has a flag.

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles? Government, History, Culture, and Faction Use Article ready for use, others are a below a 'work in progress' line.
Contains New art? New Flag
Previously Submitted? Yes, I goofed and jumped the gun.

Notes: For now being submitted as a NPC faction while I work up the assets to make it a mission capable player faction.
 
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Doshii Jun said:
One is a Polish gunmaker. The other makes no sense in our setting.
Click to expand...

HERESEY, you may want to edit that before the ghost of Simo Hayha rises and hunts you down. As far as the naming we have everything from Japanese cities to Virginia, tis a non-issue.
 
I've always feared being a grammar Nazi since many tech submitter have grammar as their sworn enemy, but I cannot pass up Ame's method.
  • "Valmet Self Governing Colonial Region of the Colonial Pact or the VSGCR is a far flung" - start it with 'The' to make it sound better
  • "As of 1999 CEC this humble start had 'snowballed'" - add a comma right after CEC
  • "adding to the corporate population over nearly three decades of expansion" - try "population of over nearly" instead
  • "backed by military and security forces the humans of the Valmet" - a comma between "forces" and "the humans" helps the flow
  • "Effectively their goals are simple, to expand their territory" - the flow would be better if you put a comma after "Effectively" and replace the first comma with a semi-colon since it's going into a list
  • "Valmet Sector and or the Helka Trinary System" - just smash the two together so you got "and/or"
  • "under the influence of a space-time anomalies, the ore itself is" - cut down the "a" in between "of" and "space-time" before taking that comma and evolving it into a semi-colon with a semi-colon stone
  • "As a result of its rarity and value the Colonial Pact Trade Alliance" - plant a comma right after "rarity and value"
I'm going to pause there for a bit and address something more important. Does the special ore have an article? It sounds like some major stuff, so it'll have to have one at this rate.
 
All grammar corrected, the Callenite is in the faction use guide under critical assets. Eventually I'll make its own article but since it would only be a curiosity to other factions (for them it was a shortcut and now its what their economy revolves around).
 
This should have been addressed earlier by the previous NTSE Mod, but given its significance, you'll have to make a page for Callenite. They're typically not long at all if you look at something like Veyrinite.

EDIT:

You'll have to submit the home system separate since it's a sub-article inside a sub-article; none of the sub-sub articles are being approved since that's just way too deep down the rabbit hole. I note in the history section that you can omit the empty recent events section. Recent events usually go into their own separate page. As for the culture, you need to get rid of the direct reference to the Irish. I suggest just making mention they're well known for their 'Gingers' and either hyperlink that to a wikipedia article of the Irish, or add a footnote stating that they're Irish.
 
Last edited:
Alright, the main article and sub articles are Approved, but not sub-sub articles. Also, for clarification, the stuff under the "Information" section at the bottom of the article is not approved - those will have to be sent in separate.
 
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