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Rejected Character Dehy DiebS MK2
- Thread starter DeeDiebS
- Start date
Aendri
Inactive Member
Couple quick ones, before I run off to work.
First, height and weight need to have both measurements listed in both spots.
The first two lines of the personality should be placed in the demolitions skill, not in personality.
The rest of the personality should be filled out and detailed. Right now, all I get is that he's cocky, and brash. Not much else.
You might want to set a more specific goal for him as well. That's a very general, long term sort of view, which is fine, but it usually makes sense to put together a shorter term goal or two.
The history needs to be updated, the city is called Funky City, it hasn't been New Detroit in ages. The entire remainder needs a major spelling/grammar check, and needs some serious expansion, too. Tell us more about his past, what makes him the person he is today. People who were important to him, in a good way or a bad way. Just expand everything. We're talking twenty years of life, you can manage more than 3 sentences.
Under skills, you need to redo the skills where you just copypasted the stuff from the other page. If you just copy paste, you want to copy from this page, for the actual skill description, not the training description. You also have 2 empty skill slots. Honestly? I don't get anything at all out of the skills. There's nothing personal or interesting in them at all. There's nothing that makes him unique at all. No rogue skill picked up in his time on the street, or domestic, where he learned to cook for himself because nobody else would. Make this character a PERSON, not just a boring list of things.
In the inventory, remove the last line, and you need to convert the Finances section to reflect the 6000DA instead of 3000KS.
I'll look over this again later, to see if anything needs updating, but for now, in progress.
First, height and weight need to have both measurements listed in both spots.
The first two lines of the personality should be placed in the demolitions skill, not in personality.
The rest of the personality should be filled out and detailed. Right now, all I get is that he's cocky, and brash. Not much else.
You might want to set a more specific goal for him as well. That's a very general, long term sort of view, which is fine, but it usually makes sense to put together a shorter term goal or two.
The history needs to be updated, the city is called Funky City, it hasn't been New Detroit in ages. The entire remainder needs a major spelling/grammar check, and needs some serious expansion, too. Tell us more about his past, what makes him the person he is today. People who were important to him, in a good way or a bad way. Just expand everything. We're talking twenty years of life, you can manage more than 3 sentences.
Under skills, you need to redo the skills where you just copypasted the stuff from the other page. If you just copy paste, you want to copy from this page, for the actual skill description, not the training description. You also have 2 empty skill slots. Honestly? I don't get anything at all out of the skills. There's nothing personal or interesting in them at all. There's nothing that makes him unique at all. No rogue skill picked up in his time on the street, or domestic, where he learned to cook for himself because nobody else would. Make this character a PERSON, not just a boring list of things.
In the inventory, remove the last line, and you need to convert the Finances section to reflect the 6000DA instead of 3000KS.
I'll look over this again later, to see if anything needs updating, but for now, in progress.
