[Dietrich Starkwerk[ Vorrecht MBT

I think this fits the NTSE submission rules, however I need another Tech Reviewer to check it out.

Can I get a cleanup in Aisle Vorrecht?

SSharp said:

I think this fits the NTSE submission rules, however I need another Tech Reviewer to check it out.

Can I get a cleanup in Aisle Vorrecht?

Click to expand...

Well it looks good from a grammatical/spelling end SSharp. I only found one error ;3.

Want my input?

Sure, Jimmy, I would really like someone to grab the attention of an NTSE Reviewer, however.

Well, I'm all you get at the moment, so strap in your seatbelts and brace your self.

-Powerplant

Currently five solar charged batteries giving five days continious movement. You may find this estimate to be drastically reduced in battle, where those powerful magnets and dat auto-loading system are sucking up a lot of juice. It may be a good idea to add a reserve engine just for emergencies, so it can limp out of battle.

Speaking of solar charged, I don't see any panels on the machine, does it attach to a larger “solar supply vehicle” or something?


-Loader

Basically a machine-gunner doubling as mechanic. This may sound callous but technicians and whatnot are more valuable than your fighting man, not likely to be risked in battle needlessly. One of the main reasons loaders haven't been fully superseded by automated systems is a fun little activity called track-bashing. Try making him a back-up driver, and systems monitor.


-Gunners Sponsons

The two gun things next to the main cannon, might want them to just go co-axial when the gunners not using them specifically. User-friendly and whatnot.


--Short Prototype Phase

Early models of these tanks may suffer small defects, or long term stress that was not anticipated, or that the developers simply didn't have time to iron out. It may be good for story to add this little nugget in there, so that GM's (particularly nasty ones ) can chuck a wrench at players.

This review is for: Vorrecht Main Battle Tank

The submitted article is/has…
[x] A general topic sentence under the title header
[x] Artwork (illustrations are required for Starships, Vehicles, Hand weapons or Small Arms, Uniforms for military forces or large corporations and new alien species not from the race of the day CCG)
[x] Needed and/or useful to the setting
[x] In the proper format/template
[x] Proofread for spelling and grammar
[x] Easy to read and understand (not a lengthy mass of technobabble)
[x] Wikified (terms that could be a link should be a link)
[x] No red and/or broken links
[x] Reasonably scientifically plausible
[x] Reasonably neutral point of view

The submitted article is/does not…
[x] Overpowered (or cutting tech for a faction with little or no roleplay)
[x] Obtusely redundant
[x] Contain copy pasta descriptions of systems or interior compartments
[x] Unauthorized by faction managers or player-controlled corporation
[x] Contain references to IC events that have not occurred (SM must authorize retcons)
[x] Use second-person language (“you” or “your”) unless it is an instructional guide aimed at players.
[x] Use bombastic language (“virtually immune,” “nearly indestructible,” “insanely powerful,” “horrible effects”)
[x] Use an unbalanced header/text ratio (many headers but sections are one-liners)
[x] Use major unapproved sub-articles that should be submitted separately
[-] Lacking Detail
[x] Images hosted on sites other than stararmy.com (Photobucket, Imageshack, etc are not allowed)

The article has…
[x] Speeds in compliance with the Starship Speed Standard, if applicable
[x] Damage Capacity and Damage Ratings in compliance with the DR Guidelines
[x] The in-character year of creation/manufacture. (Should be current year. Future years not allowed).
[x] The Standard Product Nomenclature System, if applicable.


Summary
Note here if any serious issues are present. These are the issues that will hold up approval.
** Short description of the issue. If a longer explanation is needed, put it in Notes.

Missing several details.

Status: Pending

Notes
This field is for any extra description needed for the issues stated above or (as the name suggests) and additional notes you wish to state in the record regarding the item.

155mm cannon
There is no mention of how many rounds are carried.
Also its mm not MM mm=millimeter and MM = a measurement of earthquake intensity

Damage for the cannon seems a bit high I would suggest 4 ADR you have it firing 2.5 times faster than the cannon its replacing and doing two orders of damage higher.

20mm Gatling Gauss Cannon
No mention of the # of rounds available.

Acceleration needs to be reworded
currently Accelerates roughly at 1 Second per 5 KPH

Acceleration speed per second, or 0 - 100 kph in 20 sec...

I intend to finish this review by: Complete

I edited everything except for the DR Rating and loading time -- I feel both are appropriate.

One of the many problems of the Klinge Unterbrecher (which is what the Vorrecht will be replacing) was that it didn't have a clear DR value. The Klinge also had several cannons, versus the Vorrecht's one. The Vorrecht has only 40 rounds to fire, one quarter of which are anti-personnel.

With regards to the Weapons of the 155mm cannon

You have two different projectiles that in their original configuration were an ADR and PDR

But you are showing that the cannon has the same destructive force regardless of the shell. Which begs the question, why have two types?

Neither weapon listed any kind of a blast radius in the original.

You were missing a DR referenece for the 22mm Gatlin, I added it using the link from the Gauss cannon.

With regards to the dimensions.

Can we get a bit of clarification.

You give a length which I am presuming is the overall length. How long then is the tank itself?

Fixes made.

Length clarified, DR Ratings changed to show that the RPG Munition is on the PDR scale and the Spike munition still does 5 ADR.

-What makes the Spike munition so deadly in this 155mm Cannon is the change in size and firing method. It was modified to be used for the Vorrecht. As well, the Cannon has more 'push' behind it than the LANCE Launcher. I even listed the Spike munition as modified in the article.