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Approved Character Edison Abhay

Sushicide

Inactive Member
Name: Edison Abhay

General Information
Species: Nepleslian
Gender: Male
Age: 23

Family (or Creators): Mahmud Abhay (Father)
Edith Abhay nee Lilton nee Santana nee Smythe nee Dobbs (Mother)
Margaret, (sister, deceased)
John, Naitik, Yash (brothers, Naitik and John deceased)

Employer: Star Army of Nepleslia
Occupation: Technical Sentry
Rank: Enlisted
Current Assignment:

Physical Characteristics
Height: In English and Metric, please. 5'8", 1.72 Meters
Weight: In English and Metric, please. 150 lbs, 68 kg.

Build and Skin Color: Fit, heavily built, long-legged, broad-shouldered, light brown skin.
Facial Features and Eye Color: Brown.
Hair color and Style: Somewhat greasy straight black hair, cut short.

Distinguishing Features: Edison's middle and index fingers are cybernetic, acquired from underground cyberdocs and tinkered with by Edison himself. This only becomes apparent when he makes use of one of their features: LED lights on the backs (Middle), concealed lockpicks (Middle), and concealed knives (Index). The knives are spring loaded and can be effectively fired up to 10 feet.

Psychological Characteristics
Personality: Eddie is bitter and world-weary, with the attitude that he's seen everything and is now just coasting along life because it beats the alternative. In his opinion the entire universe is built wrong and he will not hesitate to point this out, not in any attempt to fix things, but just to let the universe know that he's not very favorably inclined towards it. He is mildly paranoid and distrustful of other people, not having a high opinion of other sentients in general. He is bigoted and racist in a very, very specific way: Every single being that is not Edison Abhay should go the hell away. He claims he would be an anarchist except "it's not worth the effort." All this negativity swirls around a core of diamond-hard determination: As grim and pessimistic as he is, Edison will never give up on himself. He may retreat at times, he may lose ground in a million different endeavors, but he will see to it that he continues on. He also, surprisingly, follows orders well, feeling there's really nothing else to do.

Likes: Ingested stimulants, lounging, chess (but especially obscure variants of it with new sets of rules to learn), "strip chess" (an invention of his own), trees.
Dislikes: Everything else. In specifics, the vain/prideful, most gambling (distrusts anything based on chance as he is a firm believer in Murphy's Law, but is partial to betting on games of skill), "sensitive" people, smartasses (is quite self-aware on this), intimacy beyond the meaningless purely physical.
Goals: Keep breathing. Long-term: Get own planet which he is the only inhabitant of.

History
Born on Nepleslia to a family with too many children for its meager means, Edison Abhay has had to make a lot of his own way in life. His mother had gone through several men before her looks and health began to fade, which is how she managed to fall in with Edison's father, a no-questions-asked doctor to whom the hippocratic oath was a swearword, who got her in payment for a particularly hefty bill. Due to bullying by neighborhood kids and occasionally siblings, a lot of Edison's preadolescent years were spent turned inward, playing with junk he found and thinking a lot, if usually about grim things like how much and in what ways he wanted to kill those bullies. As he grew up, he was pulled along by his brothers into their various activities, most of which were illicit, and Edison was slowly introduced to the only way to survive in his world: Crime. Soon Edison and his brothers were the street-level thugs the Nepleslian crimelords regularly made use of. Although he indulged in all manners of underworld activity, Edison moved into a specialty in the contraband technology trade, acquiring valuable technology, dismantling it and fencing off the parts, repairing and building various bits of illegal gadgetry, and cracking the occasional security measure. He disliked his way of life and scrapped together what escapes he could: books, drugs, pornography, and pictures of places he didn't live in, rarely interacting with his brothers or their partying. He and his brothers settled into a routine of being paid to beat people up and break things while partcipating in a steady gang war.

A major point of contentment in the latter was the only Abhay sister. Most gang fighting had been over territory, money, or stashes of drugs, with vicious scuffles overall that left a lot of people dead, Edison's brother Naitik included. Eventually, though, the Abhays couldn't keep her existence under wraps, and she became a prize for a hundred crazed drug-addled violent youths. In the resultingly brutal neighborhood war, she was ironically killed, Edison fled the area, and his brother John joined the military. Edison fell into old habits, living as a pawn on the board of crime and being quite good at it, until nearly being killed again in a power maneuver where he was seen as a sacrifice. He decided that he was sick of the whole planet and wanted off of it, and he managed to get ahold of the only person he knew who'd gotten away from it all: His brother John, who had managed to get a fairly decent place in the military by stint of living through enough action. Seeing the opportunity of having someone else in the military owing him a debt, John recommended Edison to his superiors and started maneuvering him on the fast track towards a cushy paperwork job. Halfway through the process John found himself unexpectedly getting killed, and Edison was left in recruitment limbo and possibly on the way towards infantry service. Not relishing the idea, Edison drew up all the technical knowledge he could and with some guesswork and baldfaced bluffing he managed to scrape through into a position as a technician.

Skills:

Communication: Abhay is familiar with basic radio operation and procedures and can make transmissions to and receive transmissions from other characters through headsets, starships, power armor, and shuttles in both combat and non-combat conditions. He is fluent in English, if somewhat dependent upon slang and vulgarity. He can speak and write both correctly and efficiently and can write reports, fill forms, issue orders under fire, etc, though his handwriting is atrocious but readable.

Fighting: Aside from military training, Edison has spent a lot of time in various backalleys getting his face stomped in until he graduated to stomping other people's faces in. He has a remarkable capacity for quickly getting the hang of any weapon put into his hands in desperate situations after a lot of close quarters, grab-whatever-the-guy-you-just-knocked-out-from-behind-had situations. He is average at the military martial arts he has been trained in, but excellent at fighting dirty. Although fully trained in the use of power armor and adequately adept at it, he distrusts it and is held back by this. He is quite happy, or at the very least content, with working on it, however.

Technology Operation: Edison is capable of operating any computer system that uses the Kessaku OS, found on all Star Army starships. He is proficient in entering and/or searching for information. He is impatient with software, however, and computers that fall into Edison's hands tend to acquire fist-shaped dents around the edges.

Mathematics: Abhay received basic mathematics training, including algebra and trigonometry, and took to it like a fish to water. He has a natural capacity for numbers and can do fairly complicated formulae in his head. In math, everything makes sense, unlike, in Edison's opinion, everything else. For him it's like a mental vacation.

Rogue: Edison has had something of an underhanded means of living up until the military. He has stolen, mugged, broken and entered and then broken again, arranged underground events often involving violence, and been through so many illicit circles that he recognizes a good portion of the criminal element on Nepleslia. He can get into many places he isn't supposed to be in and both seek out and get along in the shady side of any civilized environment.

Maintenance and Repair: Abhay has a history of tinkering with things since he was little, when he would try to reassemble bits of scrap he would find and often end up burning his fingers. Now he usually wears gloves when working, and although the gloves end up smouldering after the end of a day's work, he can get most things put into his hands working again. He works best with electronics and wiring on systems with basic computerization, but he starts to get lost with complex computers. His expertise is extensive but rough, things he fixes tend to be jury-rigged and dangerous to be around, what with sputtering sparks and exposed wiring.

Knowledge: Edison has spent a lot of time reading anything he could get his hands on, and the result is an extensive, if spotty, knowledge of various random histories and stories. One of his particular interests is Earth history and all the cultures that eventually led to the ones currently dominating space, although such information has been rare and he only has little minor tidbits of it, without any consistent picture of what life was like back then or how it led to life today.
 
Wow, not bad for a first go. Heck only thing I saw wrong with it was in the height and weight section where you cut and paste the notification to put it in metrics. Other then that some folks might have some trouble with the history being so long but I didn't have any problems with it since its mostly details about family members. Something that not too many characters tend to have. *cough orphans cough*

I'd say its a good one and I loved the psyche profile. Thorough to be sure. Sorry I'm not an admin so I'm just adding my two cents but I liked it. ^^
 
Haven't had time to read through the whole thing, so two points:

1, Post your contact details. You can't be approved untill then. There is a thread in the Starlight Lounge.

2, I'm not certain if there is a Stratergy skill.

Be back later with more.
 
I don't see a huge problem with the history. The skills make me think he's a little too good though. Either way it looks like Nepleslia has a skilled soldier on it's way ^^
 
Zakalwe said:
Haven't had time to read through the whole thing, so two points:

1, Post your contact details. You can't be approved untill then. There is a thread in the Starlight Lounge.

2, I'm not certain if there is a Stratergy skill.

Be back later with more.

1. Whoops! Done.

2. https://stararmy.com/org/nepleslia/army/occupations/index.html

Strategy (Tactics/discipline): The character can understand and give out tactical commands and work with his troop to follow those commands efficiently. He knows the importance of teamwork on the battlefield, has been intensively trained in discipline and morale, and is able to recognize the command structure even while under extreme pressure (combat, etc). The character is able to recognize ambush points. He knows basic math in order to calculate distances, etc, and can use a tactical map.
 
A very well-thought and interesting character. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this bio.

I feel the skills, for the most part, are backed by your character's thorough history. We tend to look down on very long histories because they usually are used to make characters too special or give them extra skills that they shouldn't possess. I can still see how most of these skills work with the character, however.

There is one thing I feel is out of place: the strategy skill. Given the character's anti-social outlook on life and the world in general, it wouldn't be in his personality to lead others in battle. Rather, he'd be much more the order-taker, grudingly accepting what he was told to do by superiors.

I can see the character understanding the way street combat works, but that's best solved with adding an additional sentence under Rogue ("he knows the intricacies of street combat and can react accordingly" for example) rather than having an entire skillset devoted to it.

Use the seventh skillset to flesh out the character.

Other things I'd like to see removed before approving the character:

Under Rogue skill: Remove "and been through so many illicit circles that he could indict several crimelords if he was feeling like a damned fool." Too powerful, if even written just for sarcasm's sake.

Under Maintenance and Repair: "he can get pretty much anything put into his hands working again" is too broad a statement. He could fix anything from pistols to high-tech computers. Narrow it down a bit, making hims more focused on one aspect of repair, or simply use the generic description for this skill (with a couple additions to flesh him out) in the CCG.

Aside from that, this is a wonderful character and I look foward to seeing you join Nepleslia.
 
Goddamn. Great bio! Very well written. I'm no admin either, but this is some awesome stuff. *checks contact info* AND YOU FOUND IT THROUGH 4CHAN!

So did I. See, we prove 4chan can have intelligent people on it. Though we're probably two of perhaps -- what? Nine? Maybe 11? Regardless, you rule.

I've never critiqued a bio. But since you're 4chan too, gotta help ya out.

Edith Abhay nee Lilton nee Santana nee Smythe nee Dobbs (Mother)

Goddamn. That's a lot of names.

Goals: Keep breathing. Long-term: Get own planet which he is the only inhabitant of.

What is it about Nepleslia that generates this feeling? Oh yeah, must be all the horrible suffering. I like the second part; I don't understand how he gets along with anyone who's not superior to him . . . but since he's just a technician right now, everyone's superior to him.

A good shot at promotion he has not.

Distinguishing Features: Edison's middle and index fingers are cybernetic. This only becomes apparent when he makes use of one of their features: LED lights on the backs (Middle), concealed lockpicks (Middle), and concealed knives (Index). The knives are spring loaded and can be effectively fired up to 10 feet.

This sounds pretty cool, and within reason. But how'd he get them? Cybernetics aren't for the poor, or so I've been told . . . For instance, my guy had to take out loans from the local gangs. He's paying those back now.

Technology Operation: Edison is capable of operating any computer system that uses the Kessaku OS, found on all Star Army starships.

This is more of a technicality . . . but I'm not sure if the NSA uses Kessaku OS. Tom? Wes?

Otherwise, way to represent the 4chan.
 
Well, some Nepleslian ships (those given to the SAoN) use Kessaku OS.

Character approved.
 
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