Approved Character Elzigarf Anolio

https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=ch ... arf_anolio

For NSS Acadia

When you say his cybernetic hands is "three times stronger than an average human hand," what do you mean? Is it able to squeeze three times harder? Is it three times more durable? Is it capable of sustaining pressures three times higher? Is it three times more resistant to temperature? Etc.

Be specific, please.

On your history: ... That has to be the most freak occurrence I've ever heard of happening to a character in the SARP. Thieves with bombs? It doesn't make a lot of sense ... but there's no historical reason it couldn't happen, so hey, it's yours.

On your skills:

1. I like how his Vehicles skill comes with a specialization, but that it's a real specialization, limited in scope and utility. Well done.

2. Your Communication skill repeats your Fighting skill.

Overall: The most solid new character we've seen amid the recent crop of new players. Basic, if a bit bland, but throws a few little tidbits in there to give him a special feel. Most importantly, it shows a relative familiarization with the site without attempting to go overboard. Good job!

This character is pending. The submitter must address the list of edits above and bump the thread when it is ready for review.

Bump for review

1. How is he 182 Ibs, 5 feet tall and of a thin build? If it's the cybernetics, they must be unusually heavy, which would cause excessive back and spine problems.

2. Cybernetics: Shielded (as in insulated) electronics would probably proof him against common EMP pulses, and the resistance to fire and poison are appropriate because of the cybernetic nature of the limb, though they're redundant to use (you can drop them for the sake of streamlining). What is a bit of a cop-out is damage resistance, as it's too easy to interpret in many ways.

Can it shrug off plasma shots like they were bee stings or resist the raw penetrative power of a sabot round?

3. The personality is really, really short, and doesn't really tell me anything about the character.

4. The family or creators should refer to his immediate family (parents), the corporation that created him (if an android, gynoid or clone), and any surrogate or important extended relatives.

Traditionally, by name.

5. The Capitol City is Funky City, on the planet Nepleslia.

The fact that law enforcement was large useless in a mildly affluent neighborhood makes no sense. Since crime was rampant before the reforms of the new government, they're the only non-corporate areas the police make a real effort to protect.

Why would it be a freak coincidence that the robber was carrying explosives, and why would he be carrying explosives that would be triggered by gunshots? Anything that would explode if shot would not survive the trek to the house to be robbed. Brigands are not always the smartest people, but they're clever, and if it's a repeat offender who hasn't been caught yet, not idiots. The bit about the neighbors house catching fire is strangely explained and unnecessary if it didn't contribute to the character's actual development.

Please expand on the Grandmother. It has potential for a lot of character forming story.

Please remove the skills he has from the history. You can mention what he learned while at a military academy, but tacking on a small bit of what he knows isn't very character building.

6. Please adjust the boilerplate text in "Vehicles" so that it shows which vehicles he's good with in the first place.

I do not recommend approval until these issues have been fixed or justified.

Corrected and bumped for review as of 12/08/08

He used his issued pistol to shoot the robber. However, by some freak circumstance, the robber was carrying explosive material. What that explosive material was, it was anyone's guess. The most prominent guess, made by a detective hired for the case, was that the criminal was a prominent thief around the area, Doshi Aloe. He was an ex war-vet and often carried incendiary grenades and improvised explosives in his jacket. If the pistol shot pierced that jacket a powerful explosion could have taken place.

Click to expand...

I'm sorry. But no, just no. Physics do not work this way.

Coincidence goes a long way. Hell, he could've been carrying four pounds of c4 in his jacket.

C4 still wouldn't go off if you shot it. You can do pretty much everything to the stuff except for actually using a percussion cap or detonator of some sort, before it explodes.

Fun fact: C4 can be burned as a sort of camping fuel without fear of it going boom.

A handgun bullet can pierce the walls of an incindiary grenade, and, considering they're made of rigid material, create a spark-like effect and ignite the fuel inside.

It's all possible.

A handgun round could, theoretically, penetrate the walls of a hand grenade and somehow make it explode. Possible though it might be, it's so improbable as to be in the realm of statistical impossibility.

Take it out and I'll approve this character. Though I'd rather you refine it further, I don't have time to let this languish, or the admin will shoot me.

Ok.

Wait — wait a second. A nearly prototype hand? You're a new player with a new character. Make it a normal hand that isn't uber and doesn't cost as much to maintain.

Make that the last edit to your character, please.

This character is approved for IC usage, with an exception. The submitter has one final edit to make, but in the interests of time, he is allowed to begin the process of joining a plot. Doing that means going into the faction of his character and requesting orders.