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Approved Submission [Free State] Mothership "White Lament"

Primitive Polygon

🎖️ Game Master
Submission Type: Mobile Space Colony (Ruined)
Submission URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=freespacers:white_lament

Faction: The Free State
FM Approved Yet?: Yes. It's me.
Faction requires art?: Better art? Probably. But that should do it for now.

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles?: No.
Contains New art?: Yes.
Previously Submitted?: No.

Notes: Bit weird to be posting a destroyed ship, I know, but there has only been one freespacer mothership page in the past, which is now super outdated. The Lament is intended to serve as a springboard for: A) Direct involvement in both the 188604 and Skeleton Ensemble plots. B) A point of comparison for players wondering what 'modern' Freespacer motherships are like, and C) Possible future development of related classes.

The only new technological element is the large "gravity shears" on the front of the vessel, but they are currently destroyed and inoperable anyway.

If players choose to repair it and get it space-worthy once more, I will resubmit with an updated wiki page.
 
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@Primitive Polygon

Reading this from top to bottom, there's only minor details that can honestly be left-as.

I note that you'll want to add a little more detail on the "White Lament" part of its history; it's not clear who it's referring to when it says "the two". For the hull materials, you can easily toss some Durandium into the mix as well, since it's a pretty common, go-to construction material anyways. I'm also going to assume you're saying the Biological Fabrication Facility uses a Transparent Boron Carbide for its dome; like mentioned before, you can use Durandium for this, since it comes in a transparent variety as well.

Other than that, if you want to go ahead and get it approved as-is, let me know.
 
Thanks for the quick reply, Cadet.

The first and the last notes are honestly just because I felt like I was was repeating myself, I guess (Boron Carbide was already discussed in the Skeleton Ensemble plot thread). Durandium, on the other hand, I actually thought was a state-protected material...

Made some minor changes to reflect all three of these observations, anyway.
 
@Primitive Polygon

APPROVED

I know what you mean though; articles can start feeling repetitive, but, just keep in mind that that one article may be the first they see, so you really can't skimp out. That, and in some cases, that one article where things are shorthand may be all some may look at for a quick reference.
 
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