Fresh new jokes ;)

Q. How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A. Two, but I don't know how they got in there.

Tasteless, tasteless, unfunny.

Actually I found the last one funny.

The other two were fairly lame though, sorry to break the news.

Can I stab him now?

Well, he hasn't created a character yet. So he's up for anyone to stab, really.

okay...okay...I apologize for my lack of humor...and for my tasteless jokes. How ever can I earn your forgiveness?

Post a character. SPEEEEEEED

Possibly an Elysian one.

I'll still stab you.

Porcelain Doll said:

I'll still stab you.

Click to expand...

Meh, fair enough I suppose. But yeah...My character is now up.

Okay kids, here's one.


A group of lovely young ladies are taking a break from their hectic lives. Femmenists if you're curious but it's not especially relevant. Not having booked their holiday in advance and being simply a band of woman, they thought they'd spice things up and take a trip on the wild side by checking out hotels rather than simply booking one.

One happened to catch their eye: "For Woman Only". Without boyfriends or reserve, they venture forth.

The bouncer happens to be a very nice looking guy and he explains the shin digs. "We have five floors. Each floor has something different. Once you find what you're looking for, you can stay there, picking your room. Each floor has a theme based around the catoring. However, you cannot choose a floor after ascending it. This is our policy."

And so it began.

As the lift pinged to a stop, the ladies read the sign. "All men here are short and plain". They giggled and without hesitation and pushed the button."
The second floor read "All men here are tall and plain". They could do better. Again with the button. What did they have to lose?
Third floor: "All men here are short and hansome". They noticed a trend. Surely, things could improve, no?
The fourth floor dazzled them: "All men here are tall and hansome". They were exited but still noticed there was a floor to go.

Wanting to know what delectable meaty perfection they could be missing, they pushed the button. It was surely expensive enough but this had to be worth it right?
The floor was empty. White. Bleached.

The woman explored and saw only a single sign in the very center of the room:

"There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove there is no way to please a woman".


.
.
.


Except for maybe Taisa Hanako, anyway. Pushing her buttons is fun.

A group of strapping young lads are taking a break from their hectic lives. Very new-age, gender-equality centric men if you're curious but it's not especially relevant. Not having booked their holiday in advance and being simply a band of men, they thought they'd spice things up and take a trip on the wild side by checking out hotels rather than simply booking one.

One happened to catch their eye: "For Men Only". Without girlfriends or reserve, they venture forth.

The bouncer happened to be a very nice looking chica and she explained the shin digs. "We have five floors. Each floor has something different. Once you find what you're looking for, you can stay there, picking your room. Each floor has a theme based around the catoring. However, you cannot choose a floor after ascending it. This is our policy."

And so it began.

As the lift pinged to a stop, the lads read the sign. "All women here are short and plain." They grinned and without hesitation and pushed the button.
The second floor read "All women here are tall and plain." They could do better. Again with the button. What did they have to lose?
Third floor: "All women here are short and beautiful." They noticed a trend. Surely, things could improve, no?
The fourth floor dazzled them: "All women here are tall and beautiful." They were excited but still noticed there was a floor to go.

Wanting to know what delectable, gorgeous perfection they could be missing, they pushed the button. It was surely expensive enough but this had to be worth it right?
The floor was empty. White. Bleached.

The men explored and saw only a single sign in the very center of the room:

"There are no women here. This floor was built only to prove there is no way to please a man."

Click to expand...

Fixed.

The only perfect man:

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Dahdladladlaaalaaaaaa
Dadadadaadadada, dadada
Dahdladladlaaalaaaaaa
D'dad'adaDAAA

Dewhrehdewhreh

Dahdladladlaaalaaaaaa
Dadadadaadadada, dadada
Dahdladladlaaalaaaaaa
D'dad'adaDAAAAAAADADA

Doshii Jun said:

Dahdladladlaaalaaaaaa
Dadadadaadadada, dadada
Dahdladladlaaalaaaaaa
D'dad'adaDAAA

Dewhrehdewhreh

Dahdladladlaaalaaaaaa
Dadadadaadadada, dadada
Dahdladladlaaalaaaaaa
D'dad'adaDAAAAAAADADA

Click to expand...

I see what you did thar.

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it
seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.

Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the
back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card
had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10."
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of
laughter.

Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."

Genesis 3:10 reads. "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."

Whoohoo for nudity!

((A joke I got in an email from a friend))

University of Washington chemistry test

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving.

I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,â€

Pure genius.

I loved that!

You could spend more time making me shout, you know, Wes.