What's new
Star Army

Star ArmyⓇ is a landmark of forum roleplaying. Opened in 2002, Star Army is like an internet clubhouse for people who love roleplaying, art, and worldbuilding. Anyone 18 or older may join for free. New members are welcome! Use the "Register" button below.

Note: This is a play-by-post RPG site. If you're looking for the tabletop miniatures wargame "5150: Star Army" instead, see Two Hour Wargames.

  • If you were supposed to get an email from the forum but didn't (e.g. to verify your account for registration), email Wes at [email protected] or talk to me on Discord for help. Sometimes the server hits our limit of emails we can send per hour.
  • Get in our Discord chat! Discord.gg/stararmy
  • 📅 December 2024 is YE 46.9 in the RP.

Approved Character Hoshi Yukimura

SSharp

SSharp

Inactive Member
Hoshi Yukimura

There it is...
I'll gladly fix any mistakes I made. Despite how long I've been here, I'm still a newbie.

Edit: I'll probably need to change his history, I looked back and waaaay too little detail. Hope this doesn't screw up any critiques since this is before anyone looked it over (I think.)
 
Question: How did you copy and paste the inventory? It baffles me that new bios keep showing up with messed up inventories when a regular copy/paste (or pasting it into notepad to edit and then to the wiki) should preserve the formatting.
 
Can you clarify that question? Do you mean my inventory is messed up or that it isn't? If it is I'll fix it immediately.

Edit: I really just copy and pasted it. Now, the first time it was all clumped up just like now, and I went back to mess with it (I made sure each item/section had its own line, by using the return key) but it ended up as it is right now, so I just gave up on it. Thought it was normal.

Edit2: I looked at some other PC bios... I'm fixing it right this moment, because I see what you mean.

Edit3: And it's apparently locked... Can't touch it.
 
I've seen this before, for some reason when pasted there is only one space before the asterisk, not sure if its because of edit or paste error.

A few things I have noted.
  • Description: needs details, no skin color is listed, no hair color is listed.
  • Personality: Needs work, says he avoids conflict, but fiercely defends his friends.... Add some more details to the personality, likes and dislikes as well.
  • History: Twenty years of life, should rate more than two sentences. What species was he before changing to a Yamataian body, what prompted his change? Did he have problems making friends, how did being a 'military brat' affect his outlook on the world.

Because this character is intended for the Aeon I am going to leave approval to one of the other reviewers.
 
Alright... I think I've addressed each problem and fixed it.

The History - Absolutely, glad you caught that, I guess I was going a bit too fast when I was creating it :oops:

Personality - I saw the contradiction and fixed it - but then I decided that I might as well change up the whole thing and make it more detailed. I really hope I didn't make any new problems.

Description - I THINK I fixed it... But I'll go back again and try to fix it, if it is still holding problems, and if it still bad after that, I'll use the majority of my previous character's (long as that isn't a problem) and edit it slightly.
 
Only one problem that I spot: Why is he protective of his friends if he never really had any to begin with, because of all the moving?
 
Because he grew up with a doctor... eh... That is weak. I'd like to keep it, but you're right it wouldn't make sense. Changing it.

Edit: I also fixed his Inventory. Should be better now.
 
After getting some wonderful tips and quick-help on how to improve some things in the Bio, I think I've got this thing fixed.

Plus, Bump.
 
RPG-D RPGfix
Back
Top