Approved Character Hoshitomo, Rin (星儀凛)

I know, I'm probably crazy for posting two new characters in the same day, but here you go. Time for a hard-line Yamataian to hit the scene.

https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=ch ... hitomo_rin

She's a Yamataian but she's traditionally born and raised (i.e. born as a Geshrin, since the Yamataian species isn't that old). When and why did she transfer? Perhaps the species restriction order?

Wes said:

When and why did she transfer? Perhaps the species restriction order?

Click to expand...

Ah good point, I completely forgot to state that little issue (I was thinking that Yamataians were older than that). I've added one sentence at the end of the first pre-rp paragraph that clarifies the fact she transfered due to this order in YE 29 to qualify for the armed forces as well as further close the racial ability gap.

This is your third character in two weeks. The rules state I can't stop you from creating this character ... but I strongly advise you against doing so.

You've hardly engaged the setting yet. That's not your fault; you just haven't been here for very long at all. Please take the time to examine the setting a little bit more.

However, if you're still determined to do it, I'll review it.

Well, consider that both of my other characters are in lesser independent factions and Naveed is really only for Exhack's specifc Iromakuanhe plot that is yet to come and nothing more than that currently. The point of creating a third persona is thus to actually get a chance to engage in the main faction of the game world and inject some concepts I think are lacking in the RP there... which I'm sure will always be active even if the others may fall by the wayside at times.

Oh and yes, this really is my last character for awhile. I doubt I could handle much more adequately, even though technically you can be in 4 running plots simultaneously in the rules so there is that wiggle room. I understand you may be paranoid, but there's also the fact I wanted to just "lay all my cards on the table" as far as character concepts go at this initial stage of the game, and get the writing and approval process out of the way so I can focus on thinking forward with what I've got.

Oh and er, yes, if I wasn't clear above, please review my character when you are able to, DJ.

1. Please do her measurements. No secrets.

2. On Build and Skin Color: " ... hold her own in any confrontation"? No. You're embellishing without proof, innocent as it might be. Please delete that.

3. On Hair Color and Style: " ... that often see through to the heart of problems." No. You're embellishing without proof, innocent as it might be. Please delete that.

4. On Distinguishing Features: Practically all Star Army troops work this way. Why does that make her special?

5. On Personality: I like the general idea of the character, embellishments aside ... but what is a "spoiled Nekovalkyrja?"

6. On Communications: "Nepleslian," not English, and "Yamataian," not Japanese. Those are template errors; not your fault.

Overall: The summary of the skills makes her look like a Mary Sue in many ways. She can basically do anything, and do it pretty darn well. She's got no playing flaws, which means the GM will have to handle that. I hope she/he does so.

The personality justifies the way the skill set turns out. Just don't abuse it. Your character can and should fail to do some things adequately.

And what plot are you trying for?

This character is pending. Please address the list of edits above.

Okay, let me address these issues you've raised:

1) "secret"= I don't think I've ever really defined measurements for a female character of mine. But, you wanted measurements, though, now she has them. You can probably see she is on the slim side, true to an asian-like build.

2 & 3) I guess you're not a fan of some fun embellishment. :/ I've replaced them with more practical descriptions.

4) True, maybe that was a bit bland of a feature. I've thrown in a little more meat to show she's a total military brat and flaunts her patriotism even off duty. Just imagine that red-blooded flag-waving American...

5) Spoiled in the sense of those Neko's that seem to occupy everyone's attention and get all the good stuff or have a superiority complex, etc. I made a small edit to clarify this to 'Nekovalkyrja drama queens' and 'Neko-supremecists'.

6) Yes, the fact I did actually use the template shows there. Fixed.

On the concept of Mary Sue: That is really not the intent of this character at all to be perfect or flawless. Anyone who knows me knows I really dislike people who play these types! It might not be entirely obvious in the writeup, but the entire flaw of Rin is that she is 100% focused on success to the detriment of all else.. if she actually does fail or lose (and I fully expect and want that to happen), she will take it in the absolute worst way possible. The best way to compare it is she is like that workaholic Japanese businessman who's job is his entire life because the parents raised them that way. Screwing up would make one contemplate ending their life for the shame they have brought to boss/ancestors/self. And by working so hard they usually end up ignoring a wife and having home lives broken, etc etc. Rin is thusly designed to be her own worst enemy. Although I freely admit she does have traces of a 'Tsundere' aspect... and for that I will apologize.

Plot wise I'd like to be assigned to the Senbu if there was a choice (as I think in its environment they really need a serious disciplinarian character), but I also realize starship ops or bridge crew might be in high demand in other places and would not mind an assignment anywhere you feel is justified. She is a careerist after all... any starship is a good starship!

... *nods* I see. That helps muchly. Thanks dude.

This character is approved for IC usage.