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Approved Submission IIS Oracle reapproval

HarperMadi

HarperMadi

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Submission Type: Starship
Template Used: Starship Template (Modified)
Submission WIP URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=starship:eye_in_the_sky
Submission Destination URL: No Change

Faction: Independant
FM Approved Yet? Yes, Wes placed a 3 day approval timer on the original version October 21st, here
Faction requires art? No

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles? No
Contains New art? No
Previously Submitted? Yes, previously approved.

Notes: Due to several changes in-game made by @Ethereal and myself, the ship was made not dangerously unreliable, with a few bonus systems and repairs to make it something more than a pile of junk slapped together by an 19 year old girl with no prior education.

I have also made some section changes to the article to show stealth and sensor systems, changed the name and hull number, and modified the sensor suite.
 
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What is chromatophore? Some of these stealth systems are not things that have context in the setting.

Please put text underneath Stealth Systems and Sensor Systems between the header and bullet lists.
 
As this isn't my sub and is entirely Madi's writing props to her and I'd rather not get too involved in case I swing the approval somehow though I'm glad she's interacting with setting elements like IIS ^-^
 
I am, too! I think some of these updates should also be reflective of the changes Madi was able to make on Thorn's way out through Elouise, too! Very cool and props to you Madi.
 
Fixed, and linked Wikipedia articles to support the simplicity of the passive stealth technologies, also reworded to make the intended effects more clear.

Also, taking a look at the top of the article, you'll find the new hull number and new name reflective of my way out of Nepleslia, alongside a note in the ship's history denoting the former name and hull number that some may still recognize it by.
 
Yeah, kinda easy to forget that. (Also apparently the ship falls more on the hard scifi end of things than most SARP ships.)
 
You linked to a wiki article about animal camouflaging to explain a piece of tech. You'll need to do more than that because the wiki article does 10% of what it should be accomplishing as it is now. The sentence surrounding it givin it context has one main problem (see below) but is very helpful, besides.

Please do not reverse engineer Lorath tech and blatantly put that in your article without even linking Lorath. I feel like stripping the Lorath of dignity is a big thing nowadays, so I won't ask you to take out the mention of basically reverse engineering Lorath tech, but you're going to have to write more than a sentence about how this tech works, especially if the link is simply to animal camouflage.

What's more, this article does not have a five day approval timer on it as it is my article to approve and @META_mahn can understand that.

That said, when it is ready I will not put a timer on it but will approve outright as I do see this as throwing a wrench in your gears. No reason not to use this in RP asap.
 
By using advanced biotechnology inspired skin, chromatophores render optical identification nearly impossible due to shifting patterns of shades of black and RADAR scattering properties. The technology was developed as a science project after observing news reports of Psychopomp and Lorath biotechnology and genetic engineering, though no interaction was ever made with either faction during the development, and it appears to be a genetic chimera. Genetic base appears to be cephalopoid, though aspects of botanical cellular structure are present, including photosynthetic activity. It is likely that Sculpt was used in the initial iterations of the gene sequence.

It is not currently known how Thorn Ironhart acquired the technology or samples necessary to synthesize the chimera, though it is unlikely that she developed it on her own. It is also likely, considering the remains of a Slave Control Device found in the original body of Thorn, that one of her prior owners was of Lorath descent, possibly the one who helped her build the ship.
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Possible fix as a footnote?
 
Though it isn't complete and I do have to link the Lorath into the footnote. I had assumed that was simple formatting that could be done at leisure, but I can see how that would need to be done prior to approval, due to the laziness of some writers.
 
All looks great, besides take out:
It is not currently known how Thorn Ironhart acquired the technology or samples necessary to synthesize the chimera, though it is unlikely that she developed it on her own.
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Because on the wiki everything is known. Pretend SAINT writes all of our wiki articles. They know everything, so does the wiki. Just take that out and clarify if she did come up with it solely from her cool subconscious slave thing she has going on.
 
1)
The technology was developed as a science project after observing news reports of Psychopomp and Lorath biotechnology and genetic engineering, though no interaction was ever made with either faction during the development, and it appears to be a genetic chimera. Genetic base appears to be cephalopoid, though aspects of botanical cellular structure are present, including photosynthetic activity. It is likely that Sculpt was used in the initial iterations of the gene sequence.

The technology was developed by a former owner of Thorn's, and she acquired the samples necessary to grow the chimera over her ship upon her release from a Lorath owner, likely one of a scientific background. Though, considering the remains of a Slave Control Device found in the original body of Thorn, it is unlikely that the former owner and apprentice master was of a medical background.
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Fixed, with any uncertainties minimized. Due to the characters of former owners and the apprentice master likely to never come into play (Unless someone else wishes to spawn them), I believe some uncertainty can be forgiven, as long as what happened is known.

The former owner turned apprentice master being of a scientific background does explain her love of science and her decision to go into mercenary science.
 
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