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Rejected Character Ijiri Akane

Vesper

Vesper

Inactive Member
Name: Ijiri Akane


General Information

Species: Yamatain
Gender: Female
Age: 7

Family / Creators: PNUGen

Employer: Star Army of Neplesia
Occupation: Power Armor Pilot
Rank: Cadet, 2nd rank
Current Assignment: NSS Alderban


Physical Characteristics

Height: 162cm
Weight: 48.6 kg
Measurements:
Bra Size: B

Build and Skin Colour: Lithe, well proportioned build with well defined (though not bulging) musculature and light cream colored skin.
Facial Features and Eye Colour: Her face is heart shaped with fairly angular, Asiatic features and large deep green almond eyes.
Hair Colour and Style: Fine emerald green hair that goes to slightly below her shoulder blades. She usually keeps it straight but when she knows she will be going into combat she generally puts it into braids to keep it from getting in her way.

Distinguishing Features: She has the cat-like ears and 3-fingered hand of a standard Neko. A side effect of the genetic enhancements she undertook to try to regain something of her former capabilities, her eyes have a second lens behind the first resulting in a faint luminescent quality, much like a cat.


Psychological Characteristics

Personality:
Akane is usually kind and enthusiastic with a strong competitive bent Despite this she is not naive, her years of first-hand combat experience having tempered her and given her a understanding of how easy one can die. Rather than becoming cold because of this she has taken the approach of getting the most out of life and has become something of an adrenaline junky. After she transferred to her new body she had a bout of depression. While she has mostly overcome this she has a tendency to try and prove herself as being just as good as she was before (both to herself and others) even when unnecessary, which has led to her being something quite hot-blooded. Though good natured, she dislikes reckless and intolerant people and tends to be very short with them.

Likes: Combat, LO sky diving, alcohol (even though it has little effect on her), seeing new things, those little oranges, new foods
Dislikes: reckless actions, intolerant people, steamed rice, criminals
Goals: See what there is to see, someday destroy the cartel that tried to kill her,


History

Originally a NH-17 model Nekovalkyrja Ijiri Akane was created in YE 22 served in the Star Army of Yamatai for 5 years before retiring honorably in late YE 27 and transferring to a Yamataian civilian body. She served through her career well but no earned no special honors. She was offered a position as armor wing commander in early YE 27 but turned it down because she did not want what she perceived as a boring desk job.

In her retirement she kept herself employed as a "security specialist" and earned a fairly good reputation despite several bouts of depression and one incident that led her dismissal by one employer after her attempt to "show her stuffâ€
 
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Since it was already agreed upon that Yamataians can serve in the SAoN, I guess there is no problem with that except you will have to deal with a lot of racisim and such. The other thing is her three digited fingers when it comes to piloting NAM armors but otherwise, I'm fine with her comming an board.
 
With the fingers I was figuring she could still fit her hand in the NAM armors. The 4th finger would just have to be slaved to mimic the finger above it. So their might be some loss in manual dexterity but I don't think it would really be meaningful (the pinky isn't a very used finger, except for typing).
 
And using a Katana. The ring and little finger is where most of the grip is so as a former kendo practitioner I felt odd when the data on the samurai neko specifically says that it has no pinkie.
 
1. Four-fingered hand? I assume you're not counting the thumb.

2. Retire after 5 years? And offered CAG?

3. "Work up her strength back up to something close to what she was used to ... "

NH-17 could lift a ton. Literally. I'm not saying the work-out thing is bad, but she should know it'd be impossible to get that back.

4. In YE 28, she was on Nepleslia? We need that stated; I don't know where she is.

5. ... This character breaks the rules. Heavily. Not just with the genetic enhancements, but with the history -- all of which we can't account for, as it never existed in canon. And it's very detailed, and she has a high rank, even if it's in the SAoN.

None of that is justified here. We see not how she obtained them, when and where she paid for them, or even if they count as canon. Wes needs to weigh in on them.

The skills, especially the fighting, suggest she's quite a capable character. In fact, I personally consider her too capable. What are her weaknesses? What are her flaws, her bad marks? We see none here.

All we see is a fighter, a killer, a frankly flat character. I don't feel anything from her, and that bothers me. Not to mention the many small niggles, "his"es and "Your character's" that aren't edited out.

I was asked to review this. The only thing I could ask of this is that something be added to make her feel like a person. The best place I see to do that, with what's here, is her civilian body.

She lost her military body, but all we see is that she tries to reclaim it. We don't see how it personally affected her. In essence, we see no conflict! If I were a GM and this were a prospective character for my ship, I'd want to see something that's going to make her interesting to read, and I don't see it.

I'm not going to rule thumbs up or down. Vesper, you've been here a while now, and you're clearly capable of things that are outside your board rank, which is but a technicality. But yeah, this just feels boring.
 
1) Not sure who this is directed too, but yes; 3 fingers and a thumb.
2) I am not sure about exactly how positions such as that work in the SAoY (nor really any of them, requirements for positions do not seem to be stated anywhere) but I was basing that of my discussing with Fian since Ian (a Cadet 2nd rank-> warrant officer 2nd class) was in the position of the wing commander of the Kestrel. After reviewing I realize I made the ship she was offered this position on was much too big, I have removed mention of that. It would have been on something like a cruiser/destroyer, not a fleet carrier. If it is still of issue, I will remove the reference entirely.

3) I am aware of that, which is why I also noted further on that it was no where near as high as the heavy military nekos. From the GURPS stats I wrote up, I her lifting ability (with both hands a large amount of effort) would be around 480-500lb. This puts her above the standard human (substantially) but significantly below the military units such as the NH-17 and NH-27.

4) Added note in history.

5) As to the length of history, this occurs every time I make a character. Every. Freaking. Time. It's a factional difference, I am from the camp that likes having a realized history (I actually thought I had made her's undetailed, apparently not enough), allot of other people prefer it to be written in RP. Since this is a basic issue of points of view, I doubt it is going to change much. In my past characters I have not seen anywhere where their history caused damage to the RPing of that character. In any event, the debate either way is not likely to be resolved here.

As to the enhancements, that was my fleshing out of the enhancements that Zakalwe posted in this thread (https://stararmy.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=5567 ) which are cannon, albeit quite old (to my knowledge and judging from what Zakalwe said). I said much of her savings (which would be fairly considerable, after 5 years in the Star Army where most of her expenses were covered) where used to acquire the enhancements and from the source of the augmentation write-up Zakalwe provided I assumed they would have come from that body (PNUGen), though I see looking through I did not state that. Corrected.

With the rank issue, it seemed like it would be reasonable that considering she left the SAoY in good standing and since Neplesia is allied with Yamatai that they would be able to confirm her performance that she would be allowed to enter the SAoN as a warrant officer.
On the character-concept matters, well, that is due to me trying to rush her to completion in a short period of time, and it shows (a similar thing occurred with my most recent character; I am learning cheery is not something easily done if you are not yourself cheery). I have gone back and attempted to fix it to make her more human.
 
2. Just say Wing Leader. "CAG" is just confusing.

3. I don't have a problem with their capabilities. I want Wes to say it's okay for you to use them, even though we've not had them before. It's not a knock against you; I just want an answer.

5. Yamatai and Nepleslia are NOT allied. That's kind of the problem. By the time she was signing up, Nepleslia had broken away and probably wasn't interested in former SAoY folks. Just a guess, I don't know for sure.
 
Nepleslia and Yamatai are sort of allied by their treaty. As far as Yamataians, they're designed to be the ultimate customizable humanoid--so genetic enhancements are possible. Yamataians (neko version) were designed to visually pass as Nekovalkyrja (so retireing nekos would like them) so having her look like one is fine.
 
As Wes said, Nepleslia and Yamatai are sorta allied by the treaty.

It's not a terribly strong alliance, but it's backed by the written word.

Yamataians will have to deal with some racism and suspicion from Nepleslians if they serve in the SAoN though. It's basically the reverse of a Nepleslian serving in the SAoY. ("So, what brings the mighty Yamataian to serve with us 'lowly' Nepleslians? Not good enough for your whore Taisho?!")

So, basically that. We want to discourage players from playing the "superior" races on Nepleslia for the sake of cultural identity, but it's not impossible to do it. The last thing I want to see is a squadron of Yamataian soldiers in our military.
 
I believe all outstanding issue have been resolved (CAG was changed to a more obvious title), so is she approveable now?
 
Approved, but I want to see good fleshing out of the character through RP to make her more than random soldier/officer X.
 
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