Approved Character [Iroma] Zus Storhan

[Kai]

Zus Storhan

The giant, over-curios loli VANDR pilot, Zus, for the Iromakuanhe Plot.

 

[Revolver]

Iromakuanhe~

Overall, it looks good, you've got a weird habit of captialization after commas, though, such as "Eyr Ranr, Whom" and "Zus, Growing up" in the history section. Also, a tad more wikification couldn't hurt. A link to the Eyr Ranr and VANDR pages, for instance.

 

[Nashoba]

A few other nits no big problems:

Hair description
gradually slope down should be gradually slopes down

History
proper age, She joined > proper age, she joined
Zus, Growing up > Zus, growing up
who's residents > whose residents
the the cockpit > the cockpit

Tech operation
computers have also > computers has also

Medical
preprepared > pre-prepared

Leadership
mastery to put herself in a > mastery to put her in a

Knowledge
utilising > utilizing

This character is not yet aproved for IC usage.

 

[Kai]

Thanks for the small errors, that is a habit of mine and I've been trying to kick it.

Most of the other problems are with Boilerplate text, however, so Exhack should be notified so that the Boilerplate can be revised.

However,

computers has also

And

mastery to put her in a

Are both horrible, terrible grammar, and the Boilerplate is correct in both those situations, if you read the context.

 

[Nashoba]

You have to take the sentence in full context.

The use of standard-issue electronic devices and conventional computers have also been a part of her education

Its a case of subject and verb agreement.

Use in this sentence is the subject, and its singular, so it should be has.

But I'm not going to hold the character up for this matter.

Approved for IC usage.

 

[Kai]

Thanks.