• If you were supposed to get an email from the forum but didn't (e.g. to verify your account for registration), email Wes at stararmy@gmail.com or talk to me on Discord for help. Sometimes the server hits our limit of emails we can send per hour.
  • Get in our Discord chat! Discord.gg/stararmy

Approved Character Jan Kacre (NSS Mellisa Kenni)

Kakin

Inactive Member
General Information

Name: Jan Kacre
Species: Nespleslian
Gender: Male
Age: 22

Family (or Creators):
Johh Kancre: Father, Nespleslian, 54, Unknown, Mother, Deceased, Jam Kancre: Brother, Nespleslian,22, June Kancre: Sister, Nespleslian, 22

Employer: Star Military of the Democratic Imperium of Nepleslia
Occupation: Power Armor Pilot/Marine
Rank: Private Third Class
Current Assignment: (Probably NSS Mellissa Kenni)

Physical Characteristics

Height: 6'3
Weight: 221 lbs

Build and Skin Color: Athletic, and spartan in form with toned skin. Fairly average build and well toned. Eastern Mediterranean.

Facial Features and Eye Color: Deep blue eyes, a very notable feature against his skin-tone. Usually shaved.

Hair color and Style: Short and cropped for the purpose of practicality. Was once very long and straight, suiting his Mediterranean Nepleslian background. Has aspirations to grow it back to full length.

Usual Clothing/Dress Style: With off-time, Jan prefers comfortable clothing over elaborate clothing and will often opt for a pair of comfortable jeans and a t-shirt. Additional jacket is optional.

Distinguishing Features: Deep blue eyes, a very notable feature against his skin-tone.


Psychological Characteristics

Personality:
Jan was the youngest of three-children and often felt ignored which has trickled down into his personality later in life. He seems to believe he exists in the shadows of other people and prefers to blend in rather than stand out, whether or not this benefits him. Other than this minor complex, he seems to be quite friendly and out-going if the oppertunity and mood present themselves under the proper circumstances.
While not the type to usually start a conversation, he'll often parry one quite happily, regardless of who it's with though he isn't entirely confident around women. He tends to take insults rather well, making something of a game over who can trump who.
While not entirely selfless, he does understand the importance of the group over the individual which served him well during group exersizes in boot-camp and gives him motivation in a crisis which surprisingly allows him to keep a level head and think things through. Jan likes to feel like a functional part of a team and enjoys praise.

Likes: Physical Exercise & working out, Music (metal is preferred but anything guitar-based will do), History, People, being recognized for a good deed, Theater, complex equipment, and trying new things.
Dislikes: Violence without cause or provocation, Racism, Being lied to or the pressure caused by lying, being ignored outright
Goals: It's a bit early to decide but doing something with his life to making his father proud would make it all worth it.


History

The youngest of three children, Jan often felt ignored. He was raised with his slight older twin brother and sister by their father. The man was a military veteran who retired following the death of his wife to raise the trio. While Jan often felt ignored, he was the closest of the trio to their father and went out of his way to try and make him proud which he often did by trying to match his father's compitence in both military and civilian life. His father's civilian interests moved into mechanics which Jan followed intently, often listening to stories about his father's old unit.
During high school, Jan was fairly popular because of his abilities in sports but remained modest. Unfortunately, academics didn't come quite so naturally but with hard work and determination, Jan over came his limitations to please himself and his father and the memory of his mother.

While his teachers wanted Jan to go into college, Jan chose a military career as he felt a soldier would be more useful to the world than another white collar drone in some office complex.

Jan passed Boot Camp with a recommendation and is awaiting reassignment into a unit.

Skills:

: (Fighting) Jan knows how to pilot power armors beyond the general knowledge provided by fighting/physical, recalling years of knowledge from his father, a successful armor pilot, now veteran. Jan can also operate hand-controlled flight systems. Although he is very skilled in armor maneuvering and weapons operations in both combat and non-combat situations, he does not yet have the front-line experience to make confident tactical decisions or have a full scope of the battle-field without computer assistance though he has shown great promise in space-based engagements.

: (Communication) Jan is familiar with basic radio operation and procedures and can make transmissions to and receive transmissions from other characters through headsets, starships, power armor, and shuttles in both combat and non-combat conditions. Jan is fluent in Nepleslian. He can speak and write both correctly and efficiently and can write reports, fill forms, issue orders under fire and so forth.

: (Survival) Jan has been trained to survive in hostile environments. He can build shelters, hunt and forage for food, build a fire, etcetera. Jan also has an understanding of how to use stealth to his advantage can also camouflage himself. Jan is familiar with guerrilla warfare tactics.

: (Strategy (Tactics/discipline)) Jan can understand and give out tactical commands and work with his troop to follow those commands efficiently. He knows the importance of teamwork on the battlefield, has been intensively trained in discipline and morale, and is able to recognize the command structure even while under extreme pressure (combat, etc). Jan is able to recognize ambush points. He knows basic math in order to calculate distances, and so forth, and can use a tactical map.


: (Physical) Following a similar exercize reigime to his father from a very young age, Jan is in prime physical condition and understands the importance of remaining so.

: (Entertainment) Jan openly enjoys some of the finer things in life, such as theater and music despite not knowing a great deal about them beyond the many stories his father told him as a boy. Jan isn't too shabby at acting, to be honest and while he wouldn't admit it, a little drink can lead to a lot of song and dance.

: (Knowledge:History) Aside from his father's many stories, Jan has taken his time to read up and get a firm understanding of his history and enjoys reading non-fiction as a pastime. While he's no history buff, he likes to think he knows a little more than his comrades do.
 
the biggest thing, other than inventiveness with names *shakes head*, that I saw, was spelling and grammar. Run it through a spell check, or read it out loud. Some that you might miss are:
In build, decapitalize(?) the he about 2/3rds of the way across the first line.
And in likes, the second to last to you have should be too. (other things too numerous to list.) Grammar at work there.

Other than that, once you add a personality, it looks good, though I think a marine in Neplesia would get made fun of mercilessly if he had girly hair.
 
1. The history takes advantage of recent events you weren't here to RP. That's not fair to other players who actually role-played it -- he should just be joining, not an experienced fighter who knows what's what.

Please rewrite it so he's just joining up.

2. Skills:

a. There's boilerplate skill text that you need on some of these skills: Fighting, Communication, Tech Operation, Physical, Math. Get those in there, please.

b. ... Leadership is a skill you should prove you have. Debates that occurred when you weren't here boiled it down to the idea that while it should be a skill you learn, not just elect, it's possible to elect it.

However, your character's a newbie, and he's not there to get everyone out alive. He's there to do what everyone around him, who's superior to him, tells him to do.

I can't tell you to not take the skill ... but I recommend another skill, one you can get more use out of. Your character's personality already suggests he COULD be a leader later, when you're able to really use it.

Overall: A solid character, the kind of character I'd expect from someone who lived for the "Blood and Guts" of HiGA. It will be interesting to see how the character lives through the wars.

The plot you've picked I'm not familiar with, though. Is that Cirrus Station?

This character is pending. Please address or complete the list of edits above.
 
The NSS Melissa Kenni is the other Nep plot starting up- Kokuten is the GM for it. It's the combat plot.
 
Huh... He almost seems like a fore-runner or a native American.

Does he have a given name?
 
Hair color and Style: Jan has, despite his Y Chromosome, Long dark brown hair, tied back in a sort of braid to keep it out of his eyes

As far as I can tell, hair length has nothing to do with sex in this setting. BUT being in the military does. I don't actually think we have grooming regulations up for either of the Militaries but we generally stress shorter hair for our soldiers since if your hair is too long it can impair your power armor's ability to make an airtight seal.

But it sounds like you are trying to look like Duo from Gundam Wing.

Personality...

Wow... he has none outside of wanting to be noticed for himself.

History:
Okay, I don't see anything here about being treated like the odd one out at all. It seems like he is perfect in every way and is in fact Mr. Uber popular, ubercool, ubersmart.

The triplet thing does seem like it could be interesting but I don't see anything here that says how he's really adjusted to the social/learning issues with his siblings at all. In fact, it seems that he has really been uneffected. How has he been living in anyone's shadow if he's so great?

What's his relationship with his siblings like?

Moving along:

Okay, there seems to be some confusion here- SAoY and SmoDiN skill sets are different. SMoDiN requires: Fighting; Communication; Survival; Tactics(Discipline). What you have listed here are modded SAoY required skills.



The bolded red text needs to be replaced with your character's name. The red text is unnecessary for the purposes of the bio with the boilerplate text. Please remove it.

So you don't need Tech Operation and math.


This doesn't make sense. HOW have these things affected him in this way? I have a brother with ADHD, it hasn't caused me any problems that require me to stay in shape. having aggressive family also doesn't mean anything on someone as a person. I don't see these are really anything but weak justification for something. Unless you give me more detail on their relationships and into actions in the history.

I can believe he's fit because his father insisted on it (being a veteran also does mean your dad acts like a drill instructor- my husband being a Marine nor my father being military have resulted in better fitness but personal choice has) AND that being in the Marine Corps has required him to be but your other logic makes absolutely no sense. You can actually make him have you know... hobbies. If he's a jock why not say he's pretty good at it here?


No. Considering the issues that arose last time you were rping a character with "natural" leadership, I say NO. If he's got poor leadership skills, I say drop the skill and just take something else. He'll have time to actually pick up the skill through roleplay and actual experience ICly and this means that you have less pressure on you to play him accordingly. If you want him to be bossy fine but no on the natural leadership.

: (Humanities) Jan is a History buff. Sometimes, in his free time, he will read large amounts of history books. This probably accounts for his large mount of nearly useless historical information.

I have no issue with this but History is not Humanities it's "Knowledge- History".

This character is currently not approved for ic-usage until the history of the character is expanded to explain the character's relationships with his siblings and given an actual personality.

The skill sets need to be adjusted for what is actually required of a SmoDiN power armor pilot (which was partially wrong due to misunderstanding). With the re-adjustments, it'll leave you with Comm; fighting; physical; survival; tactics; history giving you a chance to take on another skill, I recommend Repair.

Repair:
He knows the ins and outs of a power armor system and is able to diagnose and solve minor to moderate system problems (electronic malfunctions, intake problems), and can perform rudimentary repairs (very basic) with proper tools.

You have an outline here of a potentially interesting character, give him more substance please and try to avoid the blatant Mary-Stu-isms you've put in here. Flawed characters are more interesting, fun and easier to play than characters up on a pedestal like you are proposing here. This isn't high school, there is no need to force the idea that he's neat and cool- we'll decide that for ourselves based on how he's played.

 
I still think he'd make a good native American type.

He has long dark hair and it'd give him a cultural reason to have it that isn't littered with cliches and it would be surprisingly fresh for the SARP.
 
Oh, I don't mind it Osaka. I just find his wording on why long hair is so special to his character odd. Because last time I went to my clubs gaming society or Renaissance Festival, guys can have long hair.
 
Kim, thank you for going through it better than I did. I looked at his Physical skill and just read into it that "Oh, Father must make him work hard" and left it at that.

I think that the problem you have, Vaakine, is that you don't want to make a complex character, right? It sounds like you want someone epic.

Like we've told others before you and we'll tell others after you -- you cannot make a character epic. They must become epic. While it's nice that you didn't go for the cliche orphan or something like that, you really did make a character that belongs with HiGA.

What about a character that cares less about justice? Perhaps one that wants money, or fame, babes, the satisfaction of the kill or something else?
 


...

I can see where you're coming from, but.

where the hell did you get Epic from? I'm not going for epic.

As for Kim and Saka, Yes, yes, I see your points, and I will fix them ASAP
 
Just the sound of his character. He seems destined for greatness, and he shouldn't be. He should BECOME great.
 
Much better, he seems more like an actual person now but my main criticism is the need for a spell check.

Run this bad boy through a spell check before you put it up on the wiki.

Unless Doshii has noticed any problems that I might have over looked...

This character is approved for IC-usage. Please add him to the wiki after running this through some sort of spell check. Once you've added him to the wiki, please contact your future GM for orders and to find out where to start posting.
 
Cookies are required to use this site. You must accept them to continue using the site. Learn more…