What's new
Star Army

Star ArmyⓇ is a landmark of forum roleplaying. Opened in 2002, Star Army is like an internet clubhouse for people who love roleplaying, art, and worldbuilding. Anyone 18 or older may join for free. New members are welcome! Use the "Register" button below.

Note: This is a play-by-post RPG site. If you're looking for the tabletop miniatures wargame "5150: Star Army" instead, see Two Hour Wargames.

  • If you were supposed to get an email from the forum but didn't (e.g. to verify your account for registration), email Wes at [email protected] or talk to me on Discord for help. Sometimes the server hits our limit of emails we can send per hour.
  • Get in our Discord chat! Discord.gg/stararmy
  • 📅 December 2024 is YE 46.9 in the RP.

Approved Character Jen Jackson

Re: Jen Kellson

Name: Kesson or Kellson?

Age: 2?

Build: Well built ... what's that mean, exactly? Lean but not muscular? A runner's physique?

Facial: Kitten ... to lion. What do you mean? Does she get kind of ugly when she is angry? Perhaps twists into something else?

Hair: Cut to military style ... so buzzed off?

Distinguishing feature: She has a cybernetic eye that has a homing beacon in it. That's different, and not necessarily a negative thing ... but why the video feed? 50 feet's not very far, but more importantly, what's the practical purpose of it? Why is it there?

Can we also get some details on the actual beacon's power? Range? Frequency type? Encrypted, perhaps? Is her brain shielded from the frequency, if required at all?

Why did her parents put it there?

History: What's the company? What did the father invent that made him rich? Where did the family live on Nepleslia, or did they live on a colony?

Could Jennifer's mother see past her acting at all? Did she not have any suspicion at all?

Why did Jennifer want to join the military, other than to escape? Why exactly did the uncle help, as "so they could no longer keep him in blackmail against his suspicious connections" is too vague to understand.

How did Elizabeth help Jennifer escape?

Overall: Not bad, but it needs more. You're throwing in just enough detail that you leave a reader with questions. Think them through. Answer it out. Lord knows I wish I had with Yukari! Also, go back through and make sure you fill in all the "blanks" — specifically skills and your finances (-name-).

This character is in progress. Please address the list of edits above, then bump the thread stating you've done so.
 
Re: Jen Kellson

Updated a bunch of stuff, as well as stuff unsaid (such as goals).

Also it is Jackson not Kellson, my random name generator fails for normal english names.
 
Approved.
 
RPG-D RPGfix
Back
Top