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Approved Character John Dawdy

JohnDawdy

Inactive Member
Name: John Dawdy


General Information

Species: Nepleslian
Gender: Male
Age: 28
Family / Creators: Father: Torii Dawdy, Dead Mother: Kelly Dawdy, unknown

Employer: None
Occupation: Starfighter Pliot
Rank: Soldier First Class
Current Assignment: Waiting for orders


Physical Characteristics

Height: 5ft, 6in.
Weight: 170 lbs
Build and Skin Colour: Well fit with daliy goings to the gym, pale white Flesh
Facial Features and Eye Colour: Brown Eyes, very clean and smoth face, with a touch of redness on the right side of his face
Hair Colour and Style: Green hair going down to his neck, and hair growing longer on the left side of his face to hide his scar for the masses.


Distinguishing Features: a scar on his left side of his forehead from When his father made him a member of his gang. some say that his smile is different, being as he shows no teeth and always closes his eyes when he does.

Psychological Characteristics

Personality:
John's a very outgoing person, always wanting to meet new people. his duty to his army is seconded only to his loved ones, almost as to try and make up for lost times, But sometimes his past can get to him, but he trys to keep that in the back of his mind. He loves talking to other for long periods of time, and geting to know that of his peers. his always looking for that someone in his life.

Likes: Anime, Starships, History, Friends, Movies, and not much else
Dislikes: Who ever we are a war with, And his father
Goals: To be one of the best Starship pilots of the Nepleslia army.


History

John was born and raised on Neplesila. John's life as a child was poor and unstable. John never knew what happen to his mother. When ever he asked his father about it, he would never anwser him. Being forced to survive on the streets with his Father and his gang of street rats, times for him where hard; John's father never did like his own son. No matter what job his father got, he would always spend his money for his gang and for himself, never for John's needs. John hated him for that and never really liked the gang that he was born into. as a young member of the gang, he became one of the Top leaders for the younger members of the gang. When John was 12, his father was put in jail for robing a local bank and killing a worker, he moved to his aunt's house and went to school, and later on to college. Even after college it seemed like the only way to get anywhere in the life was to join the army of Nepleslia. It was in training that John acquired a loving of starships. As a result, now after training with the army and joining their ranks, John pliots a fighter craft waiting for orders to come in for him.

Skills

Starship Operations: John had a love of starship from the time of a child where he talked to a starship pliot for the longest time. He fell for them after the talk and knew what he wanted to do with the rest of his life.

Technology Operation: As a teen growing up with his aunt, John love to be around computers. He loves to work with computers so he took a class in college. beeing as good as he is with them

Communications: fluent in English and Japanese, he was made friends we almost every kind of person a Nepleslian can have. And also being able to talk to people outside of his world.

Mathematics: Learned in school and college and we a more than awesome math teacher, John's good with math so he can plot new corses on the fly, and other stuff as needed

Leadership: John's leadership ships are second to none, or so he thinks. With this skill he was able to lead the younger member of his hateful gang to servive and not get into anything to bad

Entertainment: Being as friendly as John is now , he knows how to entertain people too. as well as being friendly, he bleaves this also helps him one day as a starship pliot.

Knowledge: Learned the history of both the Elyia, and the Nepleslia worlds very well, as well as how to servive on the streets if some dark times ever came to be. John needed to know more about ourselfs as a whole and our enemy. as his aunt always said "knowledge is half the battle"
 
Hi there! Thanks for joining. Your character is looking good so far. Do you think you could flesh ou the skill descriptions a little more?
 
Wes said:
Hi there! Thanks for joining. Your character is looking good so far. Do you think you could flesh ou the skill descriptions a little more?
Like add more detail to it? sure I can do that.
 
We also tend to prefer it when histories are written in the third person. In addition, what planet was he born on and raised?

Also - human's don't really exist. You're either Nepleslian, Yamataian or Geshrin.
 
Hey, Thomas, I've got to head out to work, please help this gentleman out while I'm away and approve the character when he's ready.
 
Welcome to Star Army. Aside from some grammatical errors and a few remaining first-person references, this character doesn't look too bad. I like the history, but I don't believe you'll be able to start out as a Captain unless you're freelance, and it can be pretty hard to get into plots that way. Your best option is probably toning down the rank to a starting rank which I believe is Soldier First Class or something like that.

The personality section has some good groundwork, but you might be able to expand on it. I'm not sure about hacking into a starship's computer because I think it's next to impossible in the YSA, but I'm not sure about Nepleslia.

This is a good start, just needs a bit of tweaking. Someone'll probably be around soon if I got any Nepleslian information wrong.
 
I have sent you a copy of your character with all of the spelling and grammar corrected.

However I still have a few points:

1, He's very tall for a Nepleslian who are meant to be a stocky and powerful race, not a particularly tall one.

2, Your rank seems about right, but at that Rank I do not think it's a possibility of you being given your own ship. Serving on a ship - sure, flying a fighter - certainly, but actually captaining a vessel? I don't think so, I'm sorry.

3, You may want to delete the Bra Size section unless you have a mutant Nepleslian. If you do, cool, it sounds funny.

4, You could do with fleshing out the Build and Skin Colour and Facial Features section. The more details the better, since you're trying to give people a mental image of this person.

5, The scar's pretty cliche, but it's nothing unaprovable. If you give it a mundane origon that would be great.

6, I like your history, just the but as controlling a 'lone starship' bothers me. Also 'looking for the next big thing' seems to suggest that they're given a free leash like a privateer, and I doubt that's what would happen.

7, The skills should really be fleshed out. They're different, and that's good, but making them a little longer and personal would make your character a more interesting individual.

However I would like to say that this character has a lot of potential and I really hope to see you finish him.

You'll need to post your contact details before I can approve the character.
 
Ok I posted more detail from his history and Info. about him. Also changed his skills to make them more personal but im not sure if I can make them any longer, but if needed I can try. My email is there and I dont have YIM, but I dont have AIM if you can use that ( JohDawdy )
 
Much better.

My only problem now is that on Nepleslia murder is usually punished by murder, if I remember by FCPD
 
I'd say something about being the "best" gang leader, but it's really not a big deal. I think there's been a great improvement and it seems like it'll be a very interesting character. Once some grammar and spelling issues are cleared up, this character should be approved.

Edit: And what Thomas said.
 
Alright, using the power entrusted to me by Wes for this character:

APPROVED

However I would like to see you go through and see if you can clean up the grammar and spelling a little.
 
Ok fixed the the grammer and spelling. Also desided to change the fact that his mother is unknown and his father is dead after looking at his history.
 
Drat, and I was gonna approve the character too. :(

Welcome to Nepleslia! Hope you have fun!

One small thing: I wouldn't mind there being a little more detail in your knowledge skill telling us that your character is familiar with streetlife.

Good job, though.

I'll figure out your orders soon.
 
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