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Approved Character John Nitzband

I also recommend a few more sentences in the build section and a lot more in Pre-RP.
 
Well, first things first, welcome to the site.

Now, on to the character. Organization would be SMoDIoN

To be honest, I'd cut back on his skills, in terms of what you want him to do. You can get more skills as you go on, so I'd switch to just medic, or just technician, not all of the above. You want some skills that are personal, like cooking, or sports, or something, and picking a specific occupation frees up that extra skill space.

Under build, you need to change flesh to be specific. Any skin color is technically "flesh", so make it clear. Caucasian, Asiatic... Also, remove the second and third sentences. We already know he's average in height, and let us decide if we find his build "intimidating". Try to describe him in a manner so that we can picture him easily.

You mention that he has a pair of cybernetics, but no mention of what they look like or what they're capable of. If you need help with that, I can help.

The history is short, but I like it. The only part you really need to change is the part about him studying so many things "to make more money". If anything, it would be the opposite, with him making more money in the long run as a specialist.

In communication, change Nepleslian as a language to Trade. That's the official name.

Under vehicles, you mention he has a vehicle. However, then next line implies that in addition to his truck, he is skilled in operating another vehicle, but you didn't specify what vehicle.

Under medical, I'd go a little bit lighter on it. At least specify that he only knows how to operate the more basic hospital equipment. But speaking from experience, it's a lot of work to try and learn mechanical stuff and medical stuff at the same time, especially with a rigorous physical regimen added in, so I'd cut back on either mechanical or medical a lot, depending on which occupation you choose.

Under finances, you need to change the total he has from 3000 KS to 6000 DA. KS is Yamatai's money, not Nepleslia's. You also need to fix his weekly income. 6000 a week is way high, he only makes 50 a week.

Overall, a great start though. This submission is pending changes.
 
Still need to fix the organization part. There is no Nepleslian Space Marines, formally. It's just the Star Military of the Diplomatic Imperium of Nepleslia, SMoDIoN for short. That needs to be changed in the History and the info card at the top.

Last thing is that you need to follow the redlink to your name and create a user page. Here is the page to add yourself to as well, and you can find examples of what it should look like there.

Just post in here to let me know when you're done, and I'll get this moved.

Character Approved
 
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