ShotJon
Well-Known Member
https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=ch ... ler_joseph
New character which is supposed to take part in the new Akuro III plot.
New character which is supposed to take part in the new Akuro III plot.
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Approved Character Joseph Miller
- Thread starter ShotJon
- Start date
Okay, Let's take a look at this character.
Under description:
He had normal caucasian... believe it should be He has because you don't say it changed to something else. Caucasian should be capitalized.
Since he's a Jiyuuian, normal a normal tattoo doesn't work, please specify that its a genetic tattoo.
Personality
several typos
He want to be niece to other... should be He wants to be nice to other...
belives believes
opitimistic optimistic
similiar similar
History
Grammar
His dad was a security officer in big company... should be
dad was a security officer in a big company...
big sense fo justice so joining... should be big sense of justice so joining...
Spelling
acomplished should be accomplished
iduring should be during
yet he hade understood... should be yet he had understood...
and serce UOC should be and serve UOC
Fighting skill
Spelling errors
nefotiating (sp) negotiating
theis (sp) their
Peacekeepet (sp) Peacekeeper
He is talente pilots. (sp) He is a talented pilot.
Grammar
people who doesn't listen should be people who do not listen
also know how to... should be also knows how to...
There many more spelling errors.
Please correct the ones listed above, and run the page through a spell checker.
This character is still pending.
Under description:
He had normal caucasian... believe it should be He has because you don't say it changed to something else. Caucasian should be capitalized.
Since he's a Jiyuuian, normal a normal tattoo doesn't work, please specify that its a genetic tattoo.
Personality
several typos
He want to be niece to other... should be He wants to be nice to other...
belives believes
opitimistic optimistic
similiar similar
History
Grammar
His dad was a security officer in big company... should be
dad was a security officer in a big company...
big sense fo justice so joining... should be big sense of justice so joining...
Spelling
acomplished should be accomplished
iduring should be during
yet he hade understood... should be yet he had understood...
and serce UOC should be and serve UOC
Fighting skill
Spelling errors
nefotiating (sp) negotiating
theis (sp) their
Peacekeepet (sp) Peacekeeper
He is talente pilots. (sp) He is a talented pilot.
Grammar
people who doesn't listen should be people who do not listen
also know how to... should be also knows how to...
There many more spelling errors.
Please correct the ones listed above, and run the page through a spell checker.
This character is still pending.
I found a few that you missed but went ahead and fixed them.
There is one small issue. I won't hold up the character, but your character is male, but you have female issued items still in the list.
(5) – dark-purple double string-bikini or brief-style panties (female).
(1) – bikini (female) come in black or purple with the UOC logo.
(2) – pairs of sandals. (female version).
(1) – pair of dress shoes (female version).
I suggest your remove them, unless there is something about your character that we don't know about. :lol:
This character is approved for IC usage.
There is one small issue. I won't hold up the character, but your character is male, but you have female issued items still in the list.
(5) – dark-purple double string-bikini or brief-style panties (female).
(1) – bikini (female) come in black or purple with the UOC logo.
(2) – pairs of sandals. (female version).
(1) – pair of dress shoes (female version).
I suggest your remove them, unless there is something about your character that we don't know about. :lol:
This character is approved for IC usage.
