Scot
Inactive Member
https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=ch ... tomi_osaka
An attempt at making an odd ball character for the Fort Ready.
An attempt at making an odd ball character for the Fort Ready.
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Approved Character Katomi Osaka
- Thread starter Scot
- Start date
Aendri
Inactive Member
Double post, simply for visibility.
First thing. 4'9" and 102lbs seems a bit too solid for her to only have A cups. I know girls 5 or six inches taller at that weight, and they are all at least upper B ranges. On that same note, you describe her as skinny, yet her bmi would be in the upper ranges of normal weight, not low weight.
Actually skipped this, but oh well. 10 is pretty damn old for a Neko, in case you didn't know. I mean, most nekos who are experienced and in command have less then 4 or 5 years of service.
Occupation will still be engineering or infantry or some such, not trainee. That's assigned pre-Fort Ready. Fort Ready is final combat training, not job assignment.
There are a few grammar issues. First one I noticed was in Facial Features. It should be "she never seems to close them.", not "she seems never to ever close them." Also, that entire second sentence should be dropped completely. Let us make our own assumptions about the character.
In distinguishing features, the only part that fits is the last part. Remember, the ears, fingers, and SPINE are all standard for nekos, who happen to be one of the most populous races. That means they're not distinguishing.
In personality, it should be "The girl can be talking to someone one moment", not "The girl can one moment talking to someone". Also, the whole personality seems like the kind of thing that would reject her from military service. Just stopping in the middle of a time-vital task, or shooting at anyone who gets in front of her are both things which would regularly get people killed in combat. So I would bet she would never be put into a combat training situation like Fort Ready, let alone an actual combat ship.
In history, she would be a 'youngling', not a child. Though I'm not entirely clear on the difference, I know there is one. Then with both parents being combat experienced, I find it hard to believe that they would knowingly send a child as ill-suited for combat to the military.
And though I know my earlier characters were guilty of the same thing, your character doesn't exist from what I can tell. Not in terms of skills. Nothing she has makes her unique in any way. Just about everyone should have basic medical skills, at least basic first aid. Engineering is better, but not much. What do you mean by small robots? Irl I can build some decent small scale robots, but nothing I would qualify as Engineering skill. Not enough to mention at least. Entertainment is probably the best of the three, but it should be much more detailed too. Electric, or acoustic? How well can she play? Could she perform, or is it just a hobby? What kind of music does she write?
My real advice on skills is that they should be personalized. Even the boilerplate skills are just a basis. Make them special, yours. You have to have that at a minimum, but it's not a limiter as well.
You start with 2000KS, by the way. Can't let you get away with unspecified amounts of money.
Overall, it seems like you're trying too hard to keep your options wide open here. While you don't have to kill possibility of expansion, you do have to decide on what she wants do for now. Once you've got a bit of time under the characters belt, then you can look at branching her out more.
This character is pending further changes in order to be approved.
First thing. 4'9" and 102lbs seems a bit too solid for her to only have A cups. I know girls 5 or six inches taller at that weight, and they are all at least upper B ranges. On that same note, you describe her as skinny, yet her bmi would be in the upper ranges of normal weight, not low weight.
Actually skipped this, but oh well. 10 is pretty damn old for a Neko, in case you didn't know. I mean, most nekos who are experienced and in command have less then 4 or 5 years of service.
Occupation will still be engineering or infantry or some such, not trainee. That's assigned pre-Fort Ready. Fort Ready is final combat training, not job assignment.
There are a few grammar issues. First one I noticed was in Facial Features. It should be "she never seems to close them.", not "she seems never to ever close them." Also, that entire second sentence should be dropped completely. Let us make our own assumptions about the character.
In distinguishing features, the only part that fits is the last part. Remember, the ears, fingers, and SPINE are all standard for nekos, who happen to be one of the most populous races. That means they're not distinguishing.
In personality, it should be "The girl can be talking to someone one moment", not "The girl can one moment talking to someone". Also, the whole personality seems like the kind of thing that would reject her from military service. Just stopping in the middle of a time-vital task, or shooting at anyone who gets in front of her are both things which would regularly get people killed in combat. So I would bet she would never be put into a combat training situation like Fort Ready, let alone an actual combat ship.
In history, she would be a 'youngling', not a child. Though I'm not entirely clear on the difference, I know there is one. Then with both parents being combat experienced, I find it hard to believe that they would knowingly send a child as ill-suited for combat to the military.
And though I know my earlier characters were guilty of the same thing, your character doesn't exist from what I can tell. Not in terms of skills. Nothing she has makes her unique in any way. Just about everyone should have basic medical skills, at least basic first aid. Engineering is better, but not much. What do you mean by small robots? Irl I can build some decent small scale robots, but nothing I would qualify as Engineering skill. Not enough to mention at least. Entertainment is probably the best of the three, but it should be much more detailed too. Electric, or acoustic? How well can she play? Could she perform, or is it just a hobby? What kind of music does she write?
My real advice on skills is that they should be personalized. Even the boilerplate skills are just a basis. Make them special, yours. You have to have that at a minimum, but it's not a limiter as well.
You start with 2000KS, by the way. Can't let you get away with unspecified amounts of money.
Overall, it seems like you're trying too hard to keep your options wide open here. While you don't have to kill possibility of expansion, you do have to decide on what she wants do for now. Once you've got a bit of time under the characters belt, then you can look at branching her out more.
This character is pending further changes in order to be approved.
Scot
Inactive Member
I have made a number of changes. Lots of it mostly tweaking. I had miss understood what Fort Ready was, as I thought it WAS boot camp not that eventual final exam.
Also this Neko was born as a civilian, so I assume Osaka has the same rights as a Yamatain civilian, and therefore has an option of military service. Her family thought they could deal with her, which eventually leads them to sending her to the military in hopes it would "fix" her, much like any good parents sending kids to military.
Well there hope anyway, or at least limited peace.
This is actually my second non combat specific character, skills are a little easier to detail with them such as Sakaki who has a fighting style than a medic who may have a "medical style" that I can't possibly understand since I myself would never be a doctor.
Also SPINE is distinguishing because Yamatain's don't have it, nor does any other race. It's the weakness of having a Neko Spy. :lol:
Also this Neko was born as a civilian, so I assume Osaka has the same rights as a Yamatain civilian, and therefore has an option of military service. Her family thought they could deal with her, which eventually leads them to sending her to the military in hopes it would "fix" her, much like any good parents sending kids to military.
Well there hope anyway, or at least limited peace.
This is actually my second non combat specific character, skills are a little easier to detail with them such as Sakaki who has a fighting style than a medic who may have a "medical style" that I can't possibly understand since I myself would never be a doctor.
Also SPINE is distinguishing because Yamatain's don't have it, nor does any other race. It's the weakness of having a Neko Spy. :lol:
Yes, SPINE can be a distinquishing feature for the reason stated. Starting Rank is Santo Hei.
As a former youngling, she would have the standard rights and enlist under the standard service contract.
But there is a problem with her age. The NH-29 did not become available until YE29, and we are currently at the start of YE-32 So either she started out as a different kind of Neko and changed to a NH-29 which should be covered in the history. Or she needs to be between 2-3
As a former youngling, she would have the standard rights and enlist under the standard service contract.
But there is a problem with her age. The NH-29 did not become available until YE29, and we are currently at the start of YE-32 So either she started out as a different kind of Neko and changed to a NH-29 which should be covered in the history. Or she needs to be between 2-3
