Tyler
Inactive Member
A second character for the Senbu plot, with permission given by 5tar to have a technician.
https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=ch ... agi_suzaku
https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=ch ... agi_suzaku
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Approved Character Katsuragi Suzaku
- Thread starter Tyler
- Start date
Exhack
Inactive Member
Appearance
Sharp skin?
If he has no distinguishing features, you might as well say "None", just to fill the space.
History
Noticed a few spelling errors here and there.
If he joined in YE 26, he would have had to leave because of the Species Restriction Act, due to his origin as a Nepleslia-Geshrin hybrid. Especially, when his transfer was only done recently, according to the bio. I think that you should probably either change the time he joined the SAoY, or say that he switched when the SRA was passed so he could remain.
In general, the history seems to have a lot, but doesn't say very much about it. I'd encourage you to expand on his time as a typical technician on a salvage ship in some backwater post, and maybe tweak him a bit to reflect his origins.
But I'll let that be optional.
Skills
Boilerplate text is fine, if a little boring. I noticed some of the skills are actually a little underpowered considering he's been a soldier for a good four years now, as he'd have plenty of time to try out a lot of niches, regardless of a posting to a backwater salvage ship. If they're the skills of a veteran, albeit an unseasoned one, they should be at a certain level of competence.
As for specifics, his ability to repair just about anything might be interpreted as omniscience in relation to machines. I suggest posting a bit on what he's mostly familiar with.
His vehicle skill is also a bit wonky. You said he picked up how to drive from a single planetary mission, but that seems a bit silly. I'd suggest maybe expanding on this a bit and giving him a bit more experience at the wheel of a vehicle to justify this being a skill.
Engineering is acceptable, but keep in mind you'll have people wanting you to paint their armors red and make their thrusters 3x faster. And consider that my only joke for this review.
You made a small mistake in Fighting, as it still says "she" on one of the sentences.
Verdict
This character is in currently progress. The submitter will bump this thread when they have made a satisfactory number of modifications to the biography and wish to have it re-reviewed.
Sharp skin?
If he has no distinguishing features, you might as well say "None", just to fill the space.
History
Noticed a few spelling errors here and there.
If he joined in YE 26, he would have had to leave because of the Species Restriction Act, due to his origin as a Nepleslia-Geshrin hybrid. Especially, when his transfer was only done recently, according to the bio. I think that you should probably either change the time he joined the SAoY, or say that he switched when the SRA was passed so he could remain.
In general, the history seems to have a lot, but doesn't say very much about it. I'd encourage you to expand on his time as a typical technician on a salvage ship in some backwater post, and maybe tweak him a bit to reflect his origins.
But I'll let that be optional.
Skills
Boilerplate text is fine, if a little boring. I noticed some of the skills are actually a little underpowered considering he's been a soldier for a good four years now, as he'd have plenty of time to try out a lot of niches, regardless of a posting to a backwater salvage ship. If they're the skills of a veteran, albeit an unseasoned one, they should be at a certain level of competence.
As for specifics, his ability to repair just about anything might be interpreted as omniscience in relation to machines. I suggest posting a bit on what he's mostly familiar with.
His vehicle skill is also a bit wonky. You said he picked up how to drive from a single planetary mission, but that seems a bit silly. I'd suggest maybe expanding on this a bit and giving him a bit more experience at the wheel of a vehicle to justify this being a skill.
Engineering is acceptable, but keep in mind you'll have people wanting you to paint their armors red and make their thrusters 3x faster. And consider that my only joke for this review.
You made a small mistake in Fighting, as it still says "she" on one of the sentences.
Verdict
This character is in currently progress. The submitter will bump this thread when they have made a satisfactory number of modifications to the biography and wish to have it re-reviewed.
TeslaTornado
Inactive Member
I only recently realized that my Acadia character William Harrison shared a name with a President of the United States, and the the FBI hasn't came pounding my door down yet.
Tyler
Inactive Member
This thing's still sitting here? wow, I've been gone a week and it's still here. Is Ex firing HAET BEAMZ my way or something? *laughs* Well one more boring-as-hell weekend to go before my service is restored and I don't have to slog through the heat of the day to get on at the library here.
OH and..BUMPZ
OH and..BUMPZ
