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Rejected Character Ken Mui

zellos.oli

Inactive Member
Name: Ken Mui


General Information

Species: Nepleslian
Gender: Male
Age: 17

Family / Creators: Todd Mui (father) - non speacking terms Lulu (step-mother) - not careing

Employer: Star Army of Yamatai
Occupation: Combat Arms
Rank: Enlisted
Current Assignment: Awaiting Orders / Stand-by


Physical Characteristics

Height: \\
Weight: 158
Measurements:
Bra Size:

Build and Skin Colour: Average to Musculer build with light taned skin colour
Facial Features and Eye Colour: young appearence dispite age with green eyes
Hair Colour and Style: Black and stylised messy (dispite warnings)

Distinguishing Features: no overley outstanding features on his person (not unless you count his casual attitude)


Psychological Characteristics

Personality:
- somewhat of a loner (but dose converse with others in a friendly manner) - inquisitive - will not talk about his family or history much (tends to get angry when persisted) - willing to try new things - has been an easy mark at times (a little gullabul) - will do the work, but will take advantage to do less or avoid it all together - in a pinch, will get serious

Likes: Relaxing, socaliseing
Dislikes: being betrayed
Goals: to lead a life the way he wants it


History

age 14 lived with his destitute family, with his father and step-mother (his real mother died giving birth to him) Ken found friends in a local gang of street punks. though he was a bit adverse to voilence, he did make an excelent thief and found his place stealing money and other things of value for the gang. however, one day the gangs leader set Ken up as a patsie for a store robbery (their first step into the \\\"Big Time\\\") and was caught by the police. Ken dad didnt care about his son\\\'s situation, practicly disowning him and throwing him out of the house. from there, the police oficer felt pity for Ken and so offerd him a choice to serve in the Star Army of Yamatai instead of going to juvi. Ken though about it and accepted, feeling that he wasent going anywhere here and that perhaps this may be his chance to lead a better life. age 17 Ken\\\'s training complete and some routine patrol missions later, he is now enlisted in the Combat Arms Division in the Star Army of Yamatai and awaiting his next assignment. til then its R&R ^_^


Skills

Rogue: Being a thief for the local gang in his youth helped him develop some useful skill\\\'s like pickpocketing, hideing, sneeking, lockpicking, \\\"street savvy\\\" and servalence.

Fighting: Ken isnt really a violent person by nature, but he has had to defend himself while he was on the streets and was trained in combat conditions while in the combat arms devision

Communication: Ken has self-taught himself to read and write and can use and understand feild communication devices.

Technology Operation: The Basic computer and systems training Ken has learned in boot.

Vehicles: Ken knew how to drive a car at age 14, now he can drive tanks, mechs and hovercrafts too, nice ^_^.

Leadership: Being in a gang, ken learned how to gain respect from his peirs and to use that authority to get what he needed, something the officers noted and looked favorly upon during the practice skirmishes.

Physical: on the streets, ken had to run. On the feild, ken has to run


OOC Notes

though Ken is somewhat of a loner, he dosent mind talking to others if he\\\'s working with them. currently, Ken is trying to find a hobby, something to keep him busy in between missions but has yet to find something.
 
This suggestion has been closed. Votes are no longer accepted.
I see good things developing, but I feel that you need to do a few more things before this can be considered for approval:

1. Capitalize the beginning of sentences and make the history section more readable.

2. Run the entire entry through a spell checker and look over it one more
time for proper spelling, formatting and grammar (I'm not sure why those // things are there. We have expectations of flawlessness for basics of the English language (capitalization, sentence structure, etc).

3. Add more depth to the skills section.

Keep on truckin'! :)
 
Physical characteristics -- err ... you need to fill these out. Nepleslians are generally speaking taller than Yamataians, though by the last name, your character could have Yamataian heritage.

Build -- average to muscular doesn't really jive. Pick one you think suits him best.

Facial features -- just as a note, 17 is pretty young in the SARP in terms of physical appearance. How young do you want him to look?

Hair style -- what warnings are you talking about? From a commanding officer or something?

Your personality ... is a little strange. He's a loner that'll try new things, but he's gullible? And avoids work? Sounds lazy and not very street smart. I guess he was caught though, so maybe that fits well.

History: At age 16, which is when I'm assuming he was caught and the police officer took him aside, Nepleslia was already its own Empire, and it's doubtful Ken would have had the means to join Yamatai instead of Nepleslia. Also, there's no Combat Arms "Division;" Combat Arms is a general classification.
It might be worth just shortening the history down some to eliminate the missions aspect -- having him come straight from basic is usually a good plan.

Skills: How did Ken learn how to pilot so many vehicles?

Umm ... practice skirmishes? Could you expand on what this means?

General concerns

Spelling. You need to fix some of it.
Grammar. See above.
Slashes. What are those? Are you using a foreign keyboard?
Boilerplate skill text. It's a good thing to use.

This character seems ... no offense, but it needs work. Though the personality issues could be contested, the rest needs to be worked on. If you need to ask questions, feel free to PM me or any of the other moderators.
 
(sigh) alright
gimme a while so i can fix him up some more. i take ages creating a character in almost any RP, its gotta feel right.
as for the spelling stuff, beats me how thay got there, i used the template.
anyone want to help me out with this character by the way?
 
The template doesn't spell for ya. Running your stuff through a spell checker is your best bet.

As for help, what would you like help with?
 
Feel free to send any requests for help my way too. My pm box here on the forum is generally best.

Not Approved Requires edits and changes mentioned in posts above to be addressed.
 
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