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Approved Character Keziah Dells

Liam

Inactive Member
Name: Keziah Dells

General Information

Species: Geshrin/Nepleslian Hybrid
Gender: Female
Age: 21

Family:
Mariah Patielli (mother, Nepleslian, status: unknown)
Lucas Dells (father, Geshrin, status: unknown)

Employer: Star Army of Nepleslia
Occupation: Technical Sentry
Rank: Soldier 3rd Class
Current Assignment: Awaiting Assignment Orders


Physical Characteristics

Height: 5’8”
Weight: 136 Ibs
Measurements: 33-28-34
Bra Size: B

Build and Skin Color: Keziah has a very athletic build, fit and slim, her exercise and training focusing more on making herself faster and quicker than everyone else. Her right arm is slightly larger than her left, and is especially noticeable in tightly fitting clothes. Her skin is fair, and virtually unblemished, save for a set of scars above her cybernetic knees. However, she tans very easily, even after brief planet stays.

Facial Features and Eye Color: Her eyes are a brilliant green, and look almost human, save for the utter lack of blood vessels in the sclera, and the sharp clarity of the iris. Her face is rounded, with higher cheekbones that give her eyes a sharper, almost predatory look to them. Her nose is sharp and short, and her lips are thin, but can spread into a stunning smile when she wants to.

Hair color and Style: Her hair is long and loose and unruly. A stark shade of black, Keziah has long since given up any attempt to tame it. It hangs down to the middle of her back, and is a mess of thick curls. On either side of her face, just in front of her ears, she keeps a pair of thick braids bound together by silver hair rings. The braids hang over her front, stopping just above her breasts.

Usual Clothing/Dress Style: She keeps her uniforms immaculate, always. In civilian clothes, she likes to wear knee-high boots, baggy pants, a tank top, and a jacket suitable to whatever weather she’s entering. She perfers to keep her collars up high enough to hide the tattoo at the base of her neck.

Distinguishing Features: Aside from her extensive cybernetics, Keziah has numerous tattoos. On the back of her neck is her slave brand—a black star encircled by black flames, to signify a young serving slave. Below the flaming star is nine similar stars, without flames, that extend down to the middle of her back. One star for every year as a slave. Starting at her left shoulder, and winding halfway down her forearm, is the tattoo of a green dragon, encircling her forearm with its tail then rising up her arm, its head perched on her shoulder.

Cybernetics: Her entire right arm is a military-grade cybernetic prosthetic, covered with a synthetic-skin covering, so it isn’t obvious. The arm, however, is very strong, and has a port built into the crook of the elbow for computer hook-ups, so she can neurally access properly fitted computer systems. Both of her feet and calves have been replaced, and are obviously artificial. Her eyes have been voluntarily replaced, fitted with infrared sensors and sharper-than-normal vision (20/15).


Psychological Characteristics

Personality: At first, Keziah is very aloof and stand-offish. She doesn’t trust people easily, and doesn’t talk much. It’s a barrier she’s built up over years of her life, and isn’t easily taken down. However, many have gotten through to her core, where she is actually quite warm and friendly. She likes listening more than talking, and likes to keep her secrets to herself, believing everyone will judge her on her past life and what she had to do to survive.

She has a will stronger than Zeusanium. Determined is an understatement. Immensely stubborn and willful, Keziah has a hard time listening to those she doesn't respect. However, her desire to be in the military is an overriding factor, and she will do whatever it takes to remain apart of her dream. She's already sacrificed much, and is willing to do more. Morals are difficult to factor into this equation, and Keziah's views on right and wrong are based entirely on circumstance, and not any established vantage. Some might see this as flexibility. Keziah just sees it as survival.

Likes: A place to call her own, sweet food, flying her power armor for the simple joy of it.
Dislikes: Change, moving around, slavery (hates, more like), men who are wholly selfish.
Goals: To take part in defending something she truly cares about, to advance within the military, to prove to herself that she’s important in the world and not just a toy.


History

I was born on a slave ship. That’s the beginning of my story.

My mother and father? I was taken from them and placed in the ship’s crèche the moment I was out of the womb. They told me who they were, what my name was, but I know nothing else about them. Sometimes, I wonder if they’re still alive. Those first few years were nice, pleasant. The ship stumbled through space, but us kids always stayed. Newborns would join us, and anyone older than six disappeared at night—we were all scared, but the older ones did everything they could to distract the young ones. I had it done to me, I did it, and then I was taken.

Of those early years in slavery, I don’t remember much. Not that they were horrible, but because I was always so scared. For the longest time, I knew nobody my own age. Everyone was so old, and I had nobody to turn to for protection or security. When I was thirteen, I was sold, for the last time, to an industrial tycoon on Nepleslia.

All the other households I had served in, I was their maid. Most people, I think, didn’t know I was a slave. I remember once being asked if I was the daughter. That made me feel good, for some reason. Maybe because I could then pretend I had a family.

The tycoon, Tamaki Mako, wanted a mistress, but he wanted one that wouldn’t disobey him or eventually scandalize him. So he bought a mistress. He bought me.

Mako was an aging Geshrin opportunist. He owned a stunning mansion overlooking a bay near Los Apagos, and kept the place fully automated so he didn’t need to deal with unnecessary people. It was, technically, his summer home, so he didn’t stay there all the time. But I did. He implanted a chip inside my arm, preventing me from going too far from the house’s perimeter.

That chip hurt.

He had a wife, and a nice place in Los Apagos proper. But she hated the home, so I never had to leave or hide in the three years I stayed there. Not that I could have, especially not from him—the robot servants always found me and pointed me out.

It was bad there. Bad enough to make me cut off my arm to escape. I did. That’s how I lost it.

I never intended to join the military, it just happened like that. I raced towards the City, and stowed away aboard the first ship I thought would’ve been easy enough to hide in. It just happened to be a Yamataian Army transport. There, in the cargo hold, among the weapons and armor and supplies, I survived and stayed hidden, for two weeks. Two weeks, four planet falls, and lots of transport crates being hauled in and out. When they finally found me, we were in deep space, and I was thrown in the brig. The captain, a kind man I know only as Bakare, came to visit me and asked me questions. Lots of questions. I told him everything I could—the only other soul who knows my whole story. When I was finished, he took me out of my cell and into the medical bay, where they built me a rudimentary replacement arm.

It took me a while to notice, but it shocked me that I was the only female aboard the transport. Two hundred men, and me. I stayed on board for nearly a year, with a cabin to call my own. I assisted Bakare with the paperwork of the ship, sorting through tracking receipts and transfer orders. Helped him rebuild the ship’s administrative network when a virus crashed the system. It was home.

We were in transit to Kennewes when the Battle of Nepleslia happened. Most of it we managed to catch over tapped comm feeds, and stolen video feeds, and we saw the fortress fold into space on our LADAR screens. Saw the battle raging within as intermittent bursts of energy.

I stayed up for a week afterwards, reviewing everything we had recorded, but especially the footage of the power armor units fighting off the pods. The battle entranced me, just watching it. Bakare caught me one time when I put the battle on the ship’s holographic display when I had the bridge. And he asked me questions, lots of questions, and then asked me what I wanted to do.

“I want to fight,” I told him. “I want to fight for people like you and places like this.”

The next time we made planetfall, he took me to a Nepleslian Army recruiting station and convinced them to let me join.

However, it wasn’t so simple. I was still below the enlistment age. So instead an apartment was arranged for me, paid for by savings Bakare had built up, and I was left there to wait. He assured me, before he left, that it’ll only take one birthday and I’ll be entered into the military.

A year passed, then two, then the tremulous time as Nepleslia succeeded from Yamataian control. My information must have been lost in the shuffle and whorl of paperwork, because when I checked in a month after the succession, there were no records for me. None, like I never even existed. I took forms I had been given, and all the information I could cobble together, before a panel of officers. It took weeks before I finally convinced them to let me join.

Training was harsh, harder than I would’ve expected. Being aboard Bakare’s ship had softened me, but I was determined to make it through. And slowly, somehow, I did. While I wanted to become a Marine, it was decided by my Sergeants that my skills would have a better use elsewhere. So I was shipped out to become a Technical Sentry.

After basic training, my advanced training was smoother, easier almost. Except for my accident.

Towards the end of our training, we were placed into an advanced combat course. A joint deal with the Marines to make us tech sentries tougher, and better in combat. The Marine Sergeant had the smart idea to have us learn maneuvering and tactics in an asteroid belt. What he neglected to tell us about were the drones he had planted there. They weren't fitted with anything dangerous--just little lasers. And big engines.

One of the drones malfunctioned, and primed its engines for a full burn. It smashed through our formation, and hit me square in the breastplate. I lost control, lost consciousness. When I came to, I was in the medical bay, looking up into the eyes of a nurse that told me what had happened.

It was my left leg, just above the knee. They had amputated it, since it was completely irrecoverable. As I recouperated, they offered me numerous solutions to my "problem". They all involved amputating my right leg and going with a complete cybernetic pair. Dexterity and strength would've been almost impossible to perfectly match up, they told me. I'd have more trouble learning with one leg, than two.

I was adamantly against it. Until they told me that I would have to give up serving in the military. Give up being a Tech Sentry. Give up the only dream I ever had.

So I let them do the operation.


Skills:

Fighting – Particularly adept at piloting Power Armor, Keziah is also well-versed in many styles of combat. She received a good deal of hand-to-hand combat training, as well as small arms training and tactics on fighting inside, as well as outside, of starships.

Communication – Trained in basic radio operations and procedures, Keziah also understands rudimentary radio encryption/decryption techniques, and how to use such methods in combat. Fluent in Nepleslian, she also knows a bit of Yamataian, can recognize computer languages, and is a very fast typist (filling out transport ship forms will do that). She is skilled in field communications, and proficient in all rudimentary forms of communication (hand signals, lights, etc).

Medical and Science – Because of her modifications, she understands not only the basic principles behind their functions, but also how to properly maintain them. She is able to dismantle and diagnose her own arm, then rebuild it without outside aid, as well as perform patch-work repairs on all her limbs to keep them functional until she can reach a medical bay, provided adequate materials are at hand. Keziah also knows basic first aid.

Technological Ops – Years in administrative duties has given her a good insight into most computer systems. While most familiar with the shipboard computers of the Nepleslian Army, she can probably guess-work her way through other OS’s. Adept not only at finding information, but also in recovering lost data, troubleshooting, and even rebuilding damaged (or completely lost) systems.

Maintenance and Repair – Keziah’s familiar with numerous starship components and systems, and is able to fix most problems. She also has a good understanding of powered armor systems, infantry weapons, and repair tools, well enough that she can maintain them and perform mild repairs.

Culinary - Of all the things to persist with her throughout her life, it is her skill at cooking. Having served in numerous households across known space, she can find her way through any kitchen, and knows a startling array of dishes. Though she can make all sorts of foods, desserts are her favorite.

Domestic – Extensively trained as a child in all household duties, Keziah has for the last several years neglected her knowledge. Even so, she still knows how to efficiently clean large houses, handle laundry—everything from simple fabrics to expensive and fragile silks—and greet guests of all stations.


Quick OOC Notes: Changed her duties to a Technical Sentry, as it still works for me, and works better with Keziah's background. Fixed continuity errors (I hope). Modified skills to better fit with her change in duties, and threw out most of her Marine skills. Filled out history and personality more.
 
This... Is a first rate Bio.

There is only one problem I see with this: The history is in first person. If you could change it to second person past tense, it would be perfect.

This is one of the most well written bio's i've seen in quite a while, I must say.
 
Greetings Liam, and welcome to Star Army!

I'm Moon Man, one of the GMs in charge of the race that this wonderful character sheet is for...and I like what I see. You've been doing your research before making a character, and it shows (you even read my Nepleslia Prime wiki page!). Keziah is well-described and looks to be an interesting character to interact with.

I did spot a few discrepancies, although they are minor, at best.

1.) You should post your contact info in this thread as soon as possible.

2.) I see that Keziah grew up on Nepleslia Prime...which IS currently our newest planet. So new, in fact, that we only attained it about one or so years ago, long after the Battle of Nepleslia, heh. This is an easy fix, though...little Keziah could very well have grown up on Nepleslia, Delsauria or Rok'Veru. Any of those planets or their respective cities in the place of Prime and Prime City would fix any continuity problems.

3.) While the history *is* in first person, it's still well written. I'm not sure how high the character reviewers put scrutiny on 1st or 2nd person, but do be prepared to write it from a non-1st person angle if the time comes.

4.) In communications, Nepleslian language is known as "Trade", or "Trade Language"...not english. The Star Army RP equivalent of Japanese is Yamatee (or something like that...don't quote me on it). This ruling was passed not too long ago, though, so I'm not surprised you didn't catch it.

Again, these are very small problems that really doesn't blemish the overall submission, which in my opinion is absolutely top-notch. I would like to know if you have a Yahoo IM account, or some other way to reach you in the near future so we can discuss Keziah's plot placement when Keziah undoubtedly gets approved.
 
My main issue is that the Power Armor maintenance ability should be outside of the fighting skill. I know that this is mostly a wiki skill set error but it should be listed as a separate skill. But the tech ops skill seems to make her more geared towards being a Technician rather than a front liner.

Japanese should translate into Yamataian. But English is Nepleslian or Trade.

I still need to read more closely into her before I will made an official ruling.

EDIT: Yeah, Keziah reads more like a technician or even an armorer more than a Power Armor pilot. But all soldiers are trained to use PAs.

Despite this her history screams- Caretaker. I'd think that having grown up as a servant- her skills would be heavier domestically rather than technologically.

Now, I would like to point out that Nepleslia's official military was actual Yamatai up until 2 years ago when Nepleslia declared independence.

My official statement is thus: you have an interesting, solid character here BUT you have a continuity issue that prevents me from approving this. Please consider re-evaluating her skills to more correctly reflect her training as a slave or adjust what her actual duties are.

This character is pending.
 
Welcome to SARP, Liam! I hope your stay is most gratifying. I actually like this character. Everyone above me have pointed out everything that I noticed, so that's good! My first character was a Geshrin/Nepleslian Hybrid, too. Maybe they will meet up someday? ^_^ Good luck and have fun with this character! :mrgreen:
 
About zee planet: Aww man. Oh well, a little detail. I figured that, while it may have only been gained recently, it would've been colonized and had cities on it. But, yes, for it to make sense for the army transport... To fix it!

I write character histories in first person, mostly so I can get a better sense of the character. My own personal taste. If I'm to rewrite it, it'll take a while =)

Languages: Mmm... more details. I shall launch myself upon these with great... um... writing-ness.

Skills! I blame the wiki for any skill problems :mrgreen: And I liked how she became a bit of an admin-type-person, which I included in her skills partly because I wanted her to be more well-rounded, but mostly because I didn't know what else to put.

I will have to get my wee little paws on YIM.

And thanks for the warm welcome, everyone =)


EDIT @Kim: Hmm... I shall have to think this over. I like the overall concept of powered armor, so I strived towards that. And I shall have to take a fourth look at the timeline to sort everything out...
 
Awww, but more critiques are better!

(also, edited Keziah. I think she's good)
 
Looks good!

This character is approved for IC usage. Please add them to the wiki and make an orders request in the Nepleslian Communications Network on whether you want to get placed on Cirrus Station or the Melissa-Kenni.

Welcome to the SARPG. =)
 
Yay, thanks!

I already talked to Moon Man about starting in Cirrus when it starts up, so now I get to wait =)
 
It won't be long now, fortunately.

Go ahead and lurk around the NSS Alliance forums to start getting a little flavor if the characters you might possibly be interacting with. If you really want, you can have Keziah pop in the current thread we have going, In the Wake of the Storm. I'm integrating her into the story will be simple enough...believe it or not, a lot of our male marine characters are quite 'partial' to their female counterparts.

Can't imagine why.
 
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