Approved Submission Komodo System/Planet

[Edto Xar'Sivaree]

Submission Type: System/Planet
Submission URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=wip:system:komodo System
https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=planet:komodo Planet

Faction: VDTF Vekimen
FM Approved Yet? (Yes) I made it?
Faction requires art? (No)

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles? (No)
Contains New art? (No)
Previously Submitted? Yes, rejected for not knowing where the system was exactly

 

[Wes]

It looks like there needs to be some updating to reflect the new situation, e.g. that they were brought to the planet by Star Army Logistics, and that it's in sector 1919, and also please have the planet page link to the system page. Other things that could be a link should be a link.

 

[Edto Xar'Sivaree]

I believe that does it?

 

[Doshii Jun]

This submission is now on an automatic approval schedule. It will be approved Dec. 31, 2016, unless someone raises an objection.

 

[Navian]

It looks plenty believable. Though the writing could use some improvement (it gets convoluted around all those 'but's and 'while's), my only real concern is that these two sections contradict each other:

'The Surface is toxic, but not because of the atmosphere, but because of the pollen of the various plants are toxic. The air is often filled with it especially in vegetation populated locations. Wind storms kick up this pollen, making the surface almost impossible to inhabit safely without life support systems.'

'While the atmosphere is perfectly breathable, the massive trees let off pollen and spores that are toxic to most foreign life forms. While this is a hazard, there are locations on the planet that are safe. Near the shores, the poles, or under ground, the spores are very rarely ever found in these locations.'

The first section says it's almost impossible to find safety, the second says it's not very difficult.

 

[Doshii Jun]

Automatic approval deadline has passed, with an objection raised. Automatic approval has stopped.

@Edto Xar'Sivaree, can you comment here?

 

[Edto Xar'Sivaree]

Edits have been made to fix inconsistencies.

 

[Doshii Jun]

As long as we're reading it to say that the shores and poles are safe because of weather, not because of some other cause.

Approved.