Abwehran Commander
Inactive Member
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[Land of Dreamers] Oskar Eberhardt
- Thread starter Abwehran Commander
- Start date
An Abwehran, By the Abwehran-man. fancy.
Unfortunately, knowing everything about a species does not make you immune to mistakes that have nothing to do with the species.
Moving on, your character has a solid, if somewhat lengthy, history, and the skills are overpowered for an accountant, but perfect for someone who has no clue how to act outside of an office building.
I'm not sure how t go about approving Oskar, as you're the faction manager, but I do Recommend Oskar for Approval
Unfortunately, knowing everything about a species does not make you immune to mistakes that have nothing to do with the species.
I think the parentheses ate a word that would make the sentence make sense.
I hate mistakes like these since spellcheck will never catch them.
Moving on, your character has a solid, if somewhat lengthy, history, and the skills are overpowered for an accountant, but perfect for someone who has no clue how to act outside of an office building.
I'm not sure how t go about approving Oskar, as you're the faction manager, but I do Recommend Oskar for Approval
SSharp
Inactive Member
I'll take the review from here, Kai.
Along with the word-errors stated by Kai, it seems that most of your skills are rather bare. Can you elaborate more on them? Also, I know you already know this: But you can have seven skills. I think I know where you're going with the character, so I'm just pointing it out out of habit.
History seems fine.
I noticed he has a flask of Whiskey with him. Isn't he an Alcoholic? I thought he would have more of the stuff with him.
Also, for the Personality, you said he was timid and quiet. So why is he violent when drunk? Is he releasing repressed anger? I ask this out of more curiosity than anything.
No other problems that I can catch. I'll do the review checklist tomorrow to give you a chance to make any changes you want to make.
Along with the word-errors stated by Kai, it seems that most of your skills are rather bare. Can you elaborate more on them? Also, I know you already know this: But you can have seven skills. I think I know where you're going with the character, so I'm just pointing it out out of habit.
History seems fine.
I noticed he has a flask of Whiskey with him. Isn't he an Alcoholic? I thought he would have more of the stuff with him.
Also, for the Personality, you said he was timid and quiet. So why is he violent when drunk? Is he releasing repressed anger? I ask this out of more curiosity than anything.
No other problems that I can catch. I'll do the review checklist tomorrow to give you a chance to make any changes you want to make.
Abwehran Commander
Inactive Member
Edited the errors Kai pointed out and made a little addition in Oskar's personality about his childhood troubles leading to anger as a drunk.
I'm thinking of keeping his skills at five and while the skills read a bit short, they are also pretty concise. I can't think of anything else that could expand upon them without layering it with fancy words and BS.
I'm thinking of keeping his skills at five and while the skills read a bit short, they are also pretty concise. I can't think of anything else that could expand upon them without layering it with fancy words and BS.
