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Approved Submission [Lazarus] "Caernarfon" Variable Drone

Eistheid

Inactive Member
Retired Member
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This review is for: Caernarfon Shipyard Drone

The submitted article is/has…
[x] A very high level of overall quality
[X] A general topic sentence under the title header
[X] Artwork (Required for new species; Strongly recommended for vehicles and hand weapons)\\
[x] Needed and/or useful to the setting
[X] In the proper format/template
[X] Proofread for spelling and grammar
[x] Easy to read and understand (not a lengthy mass of technobabble)
[x] Wikified (terms that could be a link should be a link)
[X] No red and/or broken links
[x] Reasonably scientifically plausible
[x] Reasonably neutral point of view

The submitted article is/does not…
[X] Overpowered (or cutting tech for a faction with little or no roleplay)
[X] Obtusely redundant
[X] Contain copy pasta descriptions of systems or interior compartments
[X] Unauthorized by faction managers or player-controlled corporation
[X] Contain references to IC events that have not occurred (SM must authorize retcons)
[X] Use second-person language (“you” or “your”) unless it is an instructional guide aimed at players.
[X] Use bombastic language (“virtually immune,” “nearly indestructible,” “insanely powerful,” “horrible effects”)
[X] Use an unbalanced header/text ratio (many headers but sections are one-liners)
[X] Use major unapproved sub-articles that should be submitted separately
[X] Lacking Detail
[X] Images hosted on sites other than stararmy.com (Photobucket, Imageshack, etc are not allowed)

The article has…
[/] Speeds in compliance with the Starship Speed Standard, if applicable
[X] Damage Capacity and Damage Ratings in compliance with the DR Guidelines
[X] The in-character year of creation/manufacture. (Should be current year. Future years not allowed).
[X] The Standard Product Nomenclature System, if applicable.


Status: This submission is in progress.

1. The intro repeats some of the text in the first graf of the “about” section. Just need to delete one or the other. (I recommend rewriting the intro.)

2. Can you include the link to the Enhanced Subspace Wake Drive?

3. “As units are docked together, the range and speed of hyperspace fold systems improve cumulatively.” <— I’m pretty sure this violates the starship speed standards.

https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=starship_speed_standard

4. “In practice, the Caernarfon is more than capable of creating the Combined Field System - improving the mobility, defense, and offense of the Caernarfon, though this system usually isn't activated until a threat is identified due to the extra strain placed on the generator, and components of the drone.”

Lazarus says that while the firmware for this upgrade is freely available on their servers, there’s a couple caveats — namely, that doing so reclassifies the unit as a weapon, which means Yamatai gets understandably pissed at their trade act being violated.

(Not sure how that happens, as Yamatai’s essentially produces aether beams, but eh).

I’m thinking this needs to be changed to highlight the firmware upgrade.

5. Why is it named after a Welsh town?
 
Okay, this should cover everything.

1. I rewrote the opening section, let me know if that is good.

2. Link added to the propulsion section.

3. I added in the word "charging" to that line which changes it from a flat speed upgrade with multiple units, to instead allow for more rapid spooling up of FTL systems, which so far as I'm aware is allowed. If this isn't the case I'll make further changes.

4. I added a link to the section on the Centrifuge page that outlines the CFS functionality. I also added a note to the section that explains that activating that functionality could very well render the unit illegal.

5. I have no idea why it is named after a Welsh town. It wasn't a familiar name, so I never thought to look into it. Should it be a problem I'll come up with an alternative however if @OsakanOne can shed some light on the reasoning behind the name I'd be happy to hear it.
 
5. Because at one point I was going to move there. It actually means "castle". I name a lot of my gear after welsh stuff in the prototyping stages, originally out of paranoia two particular users would find my work and more or less copy it and have it out before I did (something which has happened no less than five times so far). Now its more of a tradition.

Specifically, caernarfon means "great fortress castle": The exterior of the town's castle was constructed before the town inside it rather than the reverse making it quite unique. As a result, lots of the town is built INTO the castle.

Its also composed of what at the time were modular towers. You may note the actual location bares a striking resemblance to the inbuilt complex ideas in my original design work.

The entire design is inspired by a conversation I had with my husband while the power was out.
 
Checked everything and saw the updates. Everything looks stellar! Over IRC, we talked about one small edit more to the hyperspace bit, but that won't stop approval.

This submission is approve for IC usage.
 
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