Overall, the article looks alright, but there's a few bits amiss I think. First off, I believe it needs a 'general topic sentence' under the header - a slightly retooled version of the first sentence of in second paragraph of the 'About' section moved into the spot should do fine for that job I think.
Second, do include the In Character year this was produced and put to market. That really helps out anybody trying to figure out the chronology of things by a metric ton.
Doing.Finally, there's a few grammar bits and pieces here and there, but they're otherwise permissible save for one that got under my skin; inside the 'Comparison to the Combined Field System' section, do change 'available on our servers' to something like 'available on Lazarus' servers'.
For myself however, I need to run the article by others for the 'Technobabble' portion of the checklist however - though I got it, I need to see if others will, since what can be defined as 'technobabble' can be rather subjective at times.
Fixed this last night.Third party image links like imgur are not permitted.
Where did they did this info on the Star Army of Yamatai's combined field systems?
Why?Wes said:- Remove the CFS section and mentions of the CFS
This was all in the original methodology page, which you and the rest of the board approved. If the characters know what they know and consent, then this isn't an issue.Lazarus Consortium said:If desired, this can all take place in complete anonymously if desired with zero traceable trail between the consortium and the designer in question for legal or political reasons, with payments made to an unnamed account designated by the designer in question.
- Lazarus Consortium Business Methodology
Cool.Wes said:- Change wikipedia http links to interwiki links [[wp>Article_Name]]
Also cool.Wes said:- Link YE 34 to that wiki page
Because I don't know the SARP economy or what a reasonable price is. Plus, nothing personal but I'd like to figure out a way to undercut the SAoY on bulk purchases. In an ideal world, I'd like you to be customers of ours, actually. I'd love to write gear for Yamatai.Wes said:- Why is it so cheap?
Why? Its a feature of the CFS so its inherited. Unless you're retaining or phasing out phasing (lol), I'm not budging on this issue.Wes said:- Remove phasing denial section
Osaka said:
>You stare at the computer impatiently, awaiting a response. You've been checking the page for quite some time now. You probably had other things to do that you've been neglecting but the outcome of your day is riding on this. Its time to get meta up in this bitch.
So... You don't really know the administrator as well as you'd like to. He seems like a fun easy going gentlemen, though he can be elusive from time to time. Slippery, even. You begin to wonder if his alien skin secretes a substance that makes him as close to frictionless as possible in order to evade predators. Or maybe he is a predator and he just has better things to do. Your mind is obviously wondering so you need to do something. Tapping your feet and being polite isn't enough. Its now time to show your frustration. Go on. Post the post. Be the bitch.
...
Well? What are you waiting for?
...
Oh.
Well fine, then.
>Be patient. Its your loss.
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