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[Lazarus] Motivia behavior modification drugs

OsakanOne

OsakanOne

Inactive Member
Retired Member
Submission Type: Drug/Pharmaceutical
Submission URL: Motivia behavior modification drugs

Faction:
FM Approved Yet? Yes (DocTomoe, Gallant)

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles? No
Previously Submitted? No

Notes:
A way to motivate a person into learning that thing they can't be bothered to or eliminate that really awful habit.

Intended to be sold on the open market, mainly to Nepleslia, Lor and others - since Yamatai, being so hoity-toity obviously won't approve of it being sold in their jurisdiction.

...

Or will they?
 
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This doesn't seem like it'd have much use against Yamataians anyways. They already have thier own ways of achieving that anyhow.

I think some of the article's wording needs to be tweaked to sound more neutral/clinical. For example, surely the bombast behind it being "a reconditioner's wet dream" can be reworded.
 
Its aimed primarily at Nepleslians and Lorath.

Yamatians weren't really considered when I was writing it and I don't expect it to work on them.

Would you like me to make a note of it not working on them in the article itself?

I'll make the necessary adjustments in tone, regardless.

icon_post_edit.gif


Done.
 
The spelling nazi in me surges forth! "ya-ma-tai-an"

Other than that, I think the only thing really against it is how mind alteration can be OP - but since it's not exactly a precedent setter, I don't see this getting in the way. It's, after all, fairly well written out.

Hopefully rather than seeing use against players or motivating cheap skill acquisition, it can turn out supporting cloak-and-dagger stuff on an NPC level.
 
Any way I could add something in an OOC area to clarify on its real use? This isn't something that can be weaponized, since it takes a long time and repeated dosages to work.
 
This review is for: Motiva behavior modification drugs

The submitted article is/has…
[ x ] A very high level of overall quality
[ x ] A general topic sentence under the title header
[N/A] Artwork (Required for new species; Strongly recommended for vehicles and hand weapons)\\
[x] Needed and/or useful to the setting
[No Template Established] In the proper format/template
[x] Proofread for spelling and grammar
[x] Easy to read and understand (not a lengthy mass of technobabble)
[-] Wikified (terms that could be a link should be a link)
[NO LINKS AT ALL] No red and/or broken links
[x] Reasonably scientifically plausible
[x] Reasonably neutral point of view

The submitted article is/does not…
[-] Overpowered (or cutting tech for a faction with little or no roleplay)
[OK] Obtusely redundant
[OK] Contain copy pasta descriptions of systems or interior compartments
[OK] Unauthorized by faction managers or player-controlled corporation
[OK] Contain references to IC events that have not occurred (SM must authorize retcons)
[OK] Use second-person language (“you” or “your”) unless it is an instructional guide aimed at players.
[OK] Use bombastic language (“virtually immune,” “nearly indestructible,” “insanely powerful,” “horrible effects”)
[OK] Use an unbalanced header/text ratio (many headers but sections are one-liners)
[OK] Use major unapproved sub-articles that should be submitted separately
[OK] Lacking Detail
[OK] Images hosted on sites other than stararmy.com (Photobucket, Imageshack, etc are not allowed)

The article has…
[N/A] Speeds in compliance with the Starship Speed Standard, if applicable
[N/A] Damage Capacity and Damage Ratings in compliance with the DR Guidelines
[Yes - Needs to be wikified!] The in-character year of creation/manufacture. (Should be current year. Future years not allowed).
[N/A] The Standard Product Nomenclature System, if applicable.


Summary
Note here if any serious issues are present. These are the issues that will hold up approval.
**Needs to be wikified!!

Status: Pending

Notes
  • This article really needs to be wikified. The absence of wikification really brings this well written article down in quality.
  • Also, what would like to see is a brief listing of what species these drugs have an effect on. The chemistry and biology of each species is unique, so I feel it should be pointed out what the effects would be on the at least a few of the major species on the site to assume these drugs would effect all species the same would be Overpowered. It also helps players understand how these drugs work.

    Other than the two mentioned items -- it is well written. A good submission overall and has some potential in terms of plot aspects as mentioned by Fred prior.

I intend to finish this review by: Pending your changes.
 
I've made the changes but I can't see room for further wikification - since the article rarely references anything setting specific.
 
Review in Progress...Will finish by 3:00am EST 12/14

I will look it over again when I am at work.
 
Same situation as the other article, reference the Awesome Spaghetti example from the other submission:

A Funny little example: (More to show structure, the text is nonsense)


Code: 
====== The Awesome Spaghetti Maker ======

The Awesome Spaghetti Maker 2000 is a pasta making machine made by [[:Hoopla Kitchen Appliances]] in [[:ye 99]].

=====About the Awesome Spaghetti Maker=====

The Awesome Spaghetti Maker 2000 is revolutionary device that turns sawdust and field mice into delicious spaghetti by grinding them up using the enhanced carbon tooth grinder module developed by [[:Hoopla Kitchen Appliances]].  The design was first conceived by [[:character:hannibal_the_meatball]] after he discovered that he could include the menace field mice that were eating his garden veggies into spaghetti.

====General Statistics====

Type: Pasta Maker
Designers: [[:Hoopla Kitchen Appliances]], [[:character:hannibal_the_meatball]] 
Nomenclature: ___________
Manufacturer: [[:Hoopla Kitchen Appliances]]
Production: Mass Production
Fielded By: [[:Hoopla Kitchen Appliance Stores]]]

=====Components and Functions=====

Etc...Etc.... Main Body of Article. 
=====OOC Notes=====

This page was made by a bunch of Mibbits .
 
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