Character Article URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=characters:yamatai:xion_no_miqotome
Preferred Plot's GM: @Luca
Preferred Plot's GM: @Luca
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Approved Character [LSDF Val'ta] Xion'no 'Clear-Mind' Miqotome
- Thread starter Artemis
- Start date
Grey Library
Inactive Member
Giving her a cursory look, I suppose that she's probably a New Tur'Listan of some sort, going by her modest (Lorath-wise) proportions and inherent bookishness, both common traits among that particular caste.
Skills-wise, you might want to add some basic combat or survival training in there, unless you want her to be a contracted civilian specialist of some sort. Furthermore, some of the equipment (I assume you copied it from the CCG) are either-or choices, you can't walk around carrying 5 different long-guns at the same time.
Assorted nitpicks about lesser details, it's preferable if you fleshed out the history section a little, especially for something as significant as the moon drop. Also, the Lorath have particular naming conventions if I'm not wrong.
All in all, fair quality and passable with some work. Perhaps @DocTomoe and @OsakanOne can help you better with this.
Skills-wise, you might want to add some basic combat or survival training in there, unless you want her to be a contracted civilian specialist of some sort. Furthermore, some of the equipment (I assume you copied it from the CCG) are either-or choices, you can't walk around carrying 5 different long-guns at the same time.
Assorted nitpicks about lesser details, it's preferable if you fleshed out the history section a little, especially for something as significant as the moon drop. Also, the Lorath have particular naming conventions if I'm not wrong.
All in all, fair quality and passable with some work. Perhaps @DocTomoe and @OsakanOne can help you better with this.
Hi, sorry I've not gotten around to this yet, but as per my feedback in IRC when you were writing your character, first impressions were positive.
I'll have a more comprehensive reading tomorrow before I post for Val'ta or the other Phoenix Mission. For now, I must go to bed.
I'll have a more comprehensive reading tomorrow before I post for Val'ta or the other Phoenix Mission. For now, I must go to bed.
Here's my feedback for Xion'no:
- The link to Lorath in the top part of her biography links directly to the Character Creation Guide. You can change the text displayed on a link by structuring your link like this: [[:link_location|What you want the link to look like, text wise.]] Be sure to list Caste too.
- Her weight is listed at 150... weights. Is that 150 kilograms (very heavy) or 150 pounds?
- In her history, it may be worth mentioning that she is New Tur'lista a little more often.
- Her assignment is the [[plot:lsdf_valta]]
I had @Kirkatan fix up some formatting problems I would've fixed - but my web was playing silly buggers so I didn't get what I wanted. However, it did give me some time to read Xion'no's biography. Reading over, things are still up to scratch as I saw before, and you've taken my changes on board.
It also seems as though neither Doc or Osaka have responded with any feedback or concerns, so I'll proceed with calling this Approved.
Xion'no can chip in over radio on things observed, and I can supply you with various trivia about Misato City for her to point out. Could prove to be valuable information, because the Val'ta, in addition to rescuing people should they be stranded on a planet, also secures salvageable items and artwork, either to assimilate into the Val'ta or to donate to museums once in friendly space.
It also seems as though neither Doc or Osaka have responded with any feedback or concerns, so I'll proceed with calling this Approved.
Xion'no can chip in over radio on things observed, and I can supply you with various trivia about Misato City for her to point out. Could prove to be valuable information, because the Val'ta, in addition to rescuing people should they be stranded on a planet, also secures salvageable items and artwork, either to assimilate into the Val'ta or to donate to museums once in friendly space.
