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Star ArmyⓇ is a landmark of forum roleplaying. Opened in 2002, Star Army is like an internet clubhouse for people who love roleplaying, art, and worldbuilding. Anyone 18 or older may join for free. New members are welcome! Use the "Register" button below.

Note: This is a play-by-post RPG site. If you're looking for the tabletop miniatures wargame "5150: Star Army" instead, see Two Hour Wargames.

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  • 📅 December 2024 is YE 46.9 in the RP.

Approved Character Lucia Tuco Ramirez

a conscripted soldier in the Star Army of Nepleslia
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As far as I know, the Nepleslian Marines are volunteer-only. The Star Army of Nepleslia was renamed at least two years ago.

Lucia is energetic, aggressive and down right viscous
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Viscous means a thick, slow-moving liquid. I think you meant vicious.

throws of battle
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throes

Why is your inventory under the leadership skill section? Shouldn't you have seven skill areas?

Verdict: This is an absolutely minimal-effort character writeup. There's no passion or depth to it.
 
I left it bare purposely, as the character has little experience, and has never been tested. Information will be added as the character grows.
 
I think that the Leadership, First Aid, Chemistry, and Demolitions skills need a few more words tacked on, they seem rather bare-bones. Also, it should have some anonymous character art slipped in, if possible.

Other than that, I see no other problems and recommend this nepleslian for approval!
 
hahaha, Anon-stromm, on a female character.

Anyway, It looks a lot better than it did before. there's just one thing that's bugging me and it's the formatting for the likes and dislike; you draw all sorts of attention to them with sub-headings but there's only a few words.

I would suggest either changing to formatting to just moving the words 'likes' and 'dislikes' to the front of their sentences and then bolding them and moving them closer to the rest of the personality section. Or, fleshing them out more to fit with the 'louder' formatting.
 
My only "bleh" on the Lucia bio is the skill areas are all one-liners and the physical description is like six words.
 
I tend to make rather basic characters, so that I have room to develop them, with out actually writing them into holes. This is not an attempt at laziness, rather an attempt to get a feel for the character, and to expand on her as she actually grows into something much more.
 
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