Approved Character Maeda Toshiaki

Greetings and salutations!

I'm a new player and I've just finished up my character sheet for a member of the Yamataian Star Army, the young intelligence operative Maeda Toshiaki. I've added his character sheet to the wiki here.

If there are any problems please inform me and I'll be happy to make adjustments. I look forward to roleplaying on this site!

Sincerely,

Chris

Hello Chris, Welcome to SARP

I'm Nashoba, aka Brian, one of the Site Admins. Overall a very good first character.

You forgot to include a link to your character. Which I have included here.

Maeda Toshiaki

I would suggest that you flesh out the mandatory skills by looking here Writing your skills

I'll let one of our character mods check out the fine details.

Hi Nashoba!

I did add a link and it works for me...but it was kind of small so I don't blame you for missing it. Its at the end of my first paragraph (the word "here" is the link).

Thank you for the feedback and I'll read some of the other Star Army bios and see what others post to improve the skills area.

'ello there, I'm Aendri. I'll be doing a quick rundown for you, just to clean it up a bit.

First two things are that you need to create your user page, and fill it in. Nothing big, you can check here for some examples.

I went ahead and added the anonymous character art for you, until you get a commission of your own.

Description needs some work. First off, in build, you need to reword the build. Whenever you're writing, avoid using phrases like 'typical' and 'normal' as descriptions for your character. Your description is meant to make it so we can picture your character from the description without any pictures. Second, I'd like something more from your distinguishing features. Toned legs, while an asset, wouldn't be all that out of place in the military. What we're looking for here, to help, is something that could be used to pick your character out of a crowd. If he committed a crime, what would people remember about him? In the eyes, please reword that, so it's clear 'Oriental' refers to the shape of the eyes, not the color.

Maeda Toshiaki said:

oshiaki stays in shape, but is not a body builder. Most of his exercise comes from running and swimming with little work on the upper body.

Click to expand...

Go ahead and remove that from the personality. It's not really part of it.

Like Nash said, you need at least to have the boilerplate skills from the skill page, no matter what.

Finally, what plot do you have in mind? It's not necessary to know beforehand, but if you can, it lets the GM for that plot help you with the character.

This submission is pending changes.

Thanks for the feed back Aendri!

I may not be able to fix everything tonight but I should have made changes in all the areas you stated by tomorrow.

I do have one question however. Regarding my skills I believe I have the required skills for the Star Army. From the page on required skills I know I need Communications, Fighting, Technical Operations, and Mathematics. The only things I can think of is needing longer descriptions of the skills or intelligence operatives need something I'm missing. Could you be a bit more specific on what I'm missing?

Finally, for the plot I'm going for with this character, it is a little vague at this point as I am new to this role-playing site in particular and have somewhat limited previous role-playing experiences. I'm thinking in particular some gradual movement towards more trust with Toshiaki as character development, probably followed by some event that turns that around and leads to increased introversion and self-destructive tendencies. Obviously I don't want to do that in a way that messes up the RP for others, and if that kind of thing is a problem that's alright (I just need to learn what's acceptable character development).

If you have other suggestions or advice I would be happy to hear it. Thanks a lot!

You have the skills titles, yes, but not the boilerplate text that makes up the required skills. You can add on a bit to that, but you have to have at least that text.

As for plot, you happen to be talking to the co-GM of Fort Ready, the training plot for Yamatai. We're at a bit of a pause at the moment, but I think we can get you in, if that's what you want. Other then that, here is the list of active plots. It shows which plots are currently accepting members, and if you go to the specific plot page, possibly what positions they want and a bit more information about the plot itself if you want it.

Alright I think I've made all the necessary changes. I added the boiler plate text, made some changes to the description and personality sections, and added a user page. If there is anything else please let me know.

As for the plot (sorry about the misunderstanding there) Fort Ready sounds like a good place to start to begin getting the hang of this site. I'd be happy if you could fit me in there.

Thanks for everything!

Looks fine to me. I'll go ahead and post orders for you while I'm waiting for someone a bit more powerful to come along and move this over to the right section.

I recommend approval for this character.

Approved, and moved