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Approved Submission [Martial Arts] Gendaijutsu

Syaoran

Syaoran

Retired Staff
Inactive Member
Submission Type:Martial Arts
Submission URL:https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=wip:gendaijutsu

Faction: Yamatai
FM Approved Yet? No @Wes
Faction requires art? I hope not XD

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles? Yes, the Shinken Initiative is an organization I plan on finishing the article for at a later date.
Contains New art? No
Previously Submitted? Nope

Notes: This is a little rough, but I decided to break up the martial arts and the organization that made it and work on the organization page later. @Reynolds requested to have a look here too.
 
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I looked through and fixed a few typos, hopefully I didn't mess anything up.

If this is based on Sora-Mai, you might want to add a sentence mentioning that this is either modified for non-Neko (or non-Minkan, etc.) or offers different training courses depending on the abilities of the user.

Everything looks great to me, besides the final Military part. Something still seems off about it. Maybe note more specifically that it's an additional training course only Star Army members can take? I guess it just seems vague when I would think Yamatai would want it very specific. If that makes sense. We can see how Wes feels about it.

Also maybe mention a bit about soldiers that pass the final course getting a certification, award or some other recognition? Or a bit saying how soldiers that complete this are considered highly qualified and Officers are always looking for recruits from here? Something to make it seem a bit prestigious, like Ranger training or something, if you know what I mean.
 
Alright I'll see if I can make it more specific, also while I was just doing the dishes I realized I probably should add in a 'ranking' system and some "after graduation" stuff just now. Also realized I forgot to add the part about the instructors.

Edit: Added some of it but will handle the rest tomorrow
 
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Some updates made, and I also included a ranking system and a explanation of what the style is like in practice near the top.
 
Because this article relies on the Shinken article, that article needs to be approved before this one can be approved, I think.
 
This can be reviewed, now. The overarching organization, Shinken, has been approved.
 
1) "...authrorized..." should be authorized.

2) "...intended for for the techniques..." Delete repeated word for.

3) "Because of this would be students must fulfill..." Put a comma between this and would.

4) "...weapons(and variants)..." Put a space between weapons and the parenthesis.

5) Please put text after the header "After Course Completion".

6) "scenerios" to scenarios.

7) "The practitioner can has enough understanding of..." Have instead of has.
 
RPG-D RPGfix
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