CadetNewb
Well-Known Member
First character I've tried for Nepleslia.
https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=characters:yamatai:matteo_witt
https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=characters:yamatai:matteo_witt
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Approved Character Matteo Witt
- Thread starter CadetNewb
- Start date
Aendri
Inactive Member
First things first, add in a link to the 4th AASP page under "... in Roleplay". I'm almost certain Uso has an updated plot page, and a 4th AASP page overall if not.
Heh, short little Marine. But, under hair, how long is it? Combed just tells me he takes care of it, but it could be anywhere outside of 1" based on that alone.
In history, "gassing the entire barracks and officer quarters with enough Kaserine overnight to make the change nearly irreversible or agonizing. " That seems like you cut off where ever you were going with that. Especially since the next sentence picks up with what reads as a total non sequitur.
Under fighting, I hate to break it to you, but by their very nature, suppressors alter ballistics. I'd change that to preferring the ones that alter them the least, but there's not way to suppress something without altering it's ballistics.
You need to fix the inventory; part of it got all sorts of mashed together. You also need to fix the finances to change to 6000 DA, and the salary/position sentence leading into it.
Oh and does the HHG use the Zen .45s? Because if not, you've got a couple of clips with no gun to shoot them with. I can't tell, but it seems like you're missing parts of the standard equipment.
Overall, it's a pretty solid character for your first in a faction. This character is still Pending.
Heh, short little Marine. But, under hair, how long is it? Combed just tells me he takes care of it, but it could be anywhere outside of 1" based on that alone.
In history, "gassing the entire barracks and officer quarters with enough Kaserine overnight to make the change nearly irreversible or agonizing. " That seems like you cut off where ever you were going with that. Especially since the next sentence picks up with what reads as a total non sequitur.
Under fighting, I hate to break it to you, but by their very nature, suppressors alter ballistics. I'd change that to preferring the ones that alter them the least, but there's not way to suppress something without altering it's ballistics.
You need to fix the inventory; part of it got all sorts of mashed together. You also need to fix the finances to change to 6000 DA, and the salary/position sentence leading into it.
Oh and does the HHG use the Zen .45s? Because if not, you've got a couple of clips with no gun to shoot them with. I can't tell, but it seems like you're missing parts of the standard equipment.
Overall, it's a pretty solid character for your first in a faction. This character is still Pending.
CadetNewb
Well-Known Member
Alright. I linked up the 4th AASP page, and described hair length. I also added a pair of inches too his height; I don't want him short or tall. A few more descriptions of what he felt while watching the Ranma-fication of the base was added as well.
As for the suppressors, I assumed that the ones that did not eliminate noise very well had a negligible amount of impact on ballistics; I adjusted the phrasing to fix that. The HHG uses .45 Zen besides other specialty ammunition, so that should be alright. There were a few accessories missing, but I put those in as well.
On a side note, I can't find an up to date DR on the HHG.
Huh. We should consider improving our smiley and sadfaces...
As for the suppressors, I assumed that the ones that did not eliminate noise very well had a negligible amount of impact on ballistics; I adjusted the phrasing to fix that. The HHG uses .45 Zen besides other specialty ammunition, so that should be alright. There were a few accessories missing, but I put those in as well.
On a side note, I can't find an up to date DR on the HHG.
Huh. We should consider improving our smiley and sadfaces...
