MDP-04 Service Pistol

[Abwehran Commander]

The new standard issue service pistol to replace the old Brefreier, the MDP-04 is a much more reliable model. This is another of those small tech designs in preparation for my new plot in June.

 

[Wes]

The submitted article is/has…
[ ] A general topic sentence under the title header "The MDP-04 is a pistol" etc
[ ] Artwork (Art will probably be required only for PC races, starships, power armor, and guns.) Background color does not match wiki BG, pic needs cropping
[X] Needed and/or useful to the setting
[ ] In the proper format/template Remove underlines
[X] Proofread for spelling and grammar
[X] Easy to read and understand (not a lengthy mass of technobabble)
[X] Wikified (terms that could be a link should be a link)
[X] No red and/or broken links
[X] Reasonably scientifically plausible
[X] Reasonably neutral point of view

The submitted article is/does not…
[X] Overpowered (or cutting tech for a faction with little or no roleplay)
[X] Obtusely redundant
[X] Contain copy pasta descriptions of systems or interior compartments
[X] Unauthorized by faction managers or player-controlled corporation
[X] Contain references to IC events that have not occurred (SM must authorize retcons)
[X] Use second-person language (“you” or “your”) unless it is an instructional guide aimed at players.
[X] Use bombastic language (“virtually immune,” “nearly indestructible,” “insanely powerful,” “horrible effects”)
[X] Use an unbalanced header/text ratio (many headers but sections are one-liners)
[X] Use major unapproved sub-articles that should be submitted separately
[X] Lacking Detail
[X] Images hosted on sites other than stararmy.com (Photobucket, Imageshack, etc are not allowed)

The article has…
[X] Damage Capacity and Damage Ratings in compliance with the DR Guidelines
[ ] The in-character year of creation/manufacture. (Should be current year. Future years not allowed).
[X] The Standard Product Nomenclature System, if applicable.

 

[Abwehran Commander]

Am I missing something here?

This is the same exact format the MDR-06 Field Rifle was approved in.

First, there is already a general topic sentence under the title header.

With a need to replace the Brefreier Basic Service Pistol, Kaiserlich F&E and Kaiserlich Waffenerbauer continued their work from the Rifle replacement. While heavier than the old Brefreier Basic Service Pistol, the MDP-04 is much more durable than its predecessor.

The final red section of Timeline is already up there in the History Section. Specifically:

To combat this, Kaiserlich F&E  and Kaiserlich Waffenerbauer joined forces to create a better mass driver pistol. The result was the MDP-04 Service Pistol that was created in the Second Quarter of AF 260 (YE 32).

 

[Wes]

What I'm looking for is the basic overview sentence, eg:

"The MDP-04 is a railgun pistol used by the Abwheran Armed Forces beginning in YE 32."

Basically, the first sentence of any wiki article should be blindingly obvious and simple to understand and it should be a concise, direct answer to the question what is the [article title]?

 

[Abwehran Commander]

Okay, I'll edit it.

I thought the previous sentence made it blindingly obvious already.

 

[Wes]

APPROVED