A
Amaryllis
Immediately after Akemi had finished speaking to Uso he set out to see what had happened at the Cockpit. On one hand he was quite pleased he'd gotten her permission to do what he wanted and his babies were presumably let free but he took nothing for granted with Arccos and figured she might do something to get at him and make up for being forced to release them so soon. He was quite worried Smithee might be very upset or have simply greatly lost faith in him and would need plenty of reassuring to restore their relationship to what it had been only a short time ago. He really hoped what transpired hadn't dealt a huge blow to the noble's potential for trust in him. The Neko had such good news and so many great ideas to share with him. Maybe they'd help to soothe his buddy. Surely he could at least see he still had plenty to gain by sticking with him though if he stayed only for personal gain and resented their partnership Akemi would feel dreadful.
Returning to the Cockpit, Akemi would find that it was... Quiet. Rennie, and Smithee were nowhere to be seen, more the point neither was Olena. The only one on staff remained Sadie, the head barkeeper... But business was slow. Seemed that after the accusations of treason, the place had been vacated by many of its customers, those who were members of Arccos' sheriff's department. Their steady pay compared to many locals meant that they had been a staple, up until this moment.
"Olena's passed out upstairs." Sadie said, scrubbing what looked like a copper mug. "You gone and done fucked up, boy."
"More like Arccos fucked up," Akemi declared. As much as he'd like to befriend her people he wouldn't lose much sleep over if they decided not to come around anymore. He reasoned he could always make it clear to them later they were still welcome and explain what had gone on and clear up any misunderstandings. When it came to his other customers he figured he could easily get more and they'd eventually come around given time. They'd be the ones to really lose out if they didn't.
He didn't wish to sound harsh or arrogant with Sadie but she worked for him now and he didn't need her stating the obvious. "Where the heck are Smithee and Rennie? Are they okay?"
"Smithee's in the garden." Sadie said, hanging up her now clean mug, "Not seen Rennie since they pulled her outta the back."
"Were you treated alright? How'd it all go down?" the little Starman asked as he looked about a bit. Sure he could ask Smithee but he didn't feel like asking even more questions than he already had in store for him, especially when he doubted the man would be in the mood to converse let alone hear anything from him.
"No one bothered me." Sadie shrugged, "Two just got up, and one shot Smithee in the back. Another said something about Brigade business and went to take Rennie away. She went quiet like."
Hearing his best bud had been shot Akemi bolted for the garden to see what state he was in. What a little shitter Sadie seemed to be having not put him in a bed in a room with Olena. Despite how bad what she'd said could sound out of context he wasn't too concerned. He had the ability to heal anything as long as Smithee's brains hadn't been blown out and if Arccos really wasn't someone who would torture he imagined there was a good chance the noble had only been hit with a stun gun to make sure things went fast and didn't escalate.
Akemi's suspicions didn't seem far off. If anything it seemed like he'd been shot with some sort of tranquilizer round, seeing as how he was laid flat out on his back, nestled between the blue flowers of the garden by the cockpit. His long hair splayed out around his head... It all looked rather peaceful actually. There certainly wasn't any blood, or obvious wounds on him. He was just napping.
"Where the hell is my baby Rennie buddy?" Akemi sent to Arccos hoping she'd answer and not try to get all technical about not needing to even though that was exactly what he expected and figured Rennie not being around was because of that mindset of doing the bare minimum to comply with whatever Uso told her.
While he waited for an answer he knelt down to examine Smithee to see for certain he was alright. At the same he took in the beauty of his sleeping form and gently ran a hand across his brow and down his face. He was definitely going to check to see if his mind had been tampered with and if any tracking devices had been put on him. He certainly needed a full body scan.
Unstirring, Smithee lay peacefully in the garden. There didn't seem to be anything wrong with him physically. By rolling him over, Akemi would find that there wasn't even anything like a puncture wound. More likely some sort of skin absorbant round. No obvious cuts on anything that would be decent to see with his clothes on in a public garden.
Eventually, Arccos' reply came. Or at least a reply from someone in Arccos' Brigade. It simply read: "The girl was released and presumably returned to her place of dwelling. It is not the responsibility of the Buttonless Brigade to track children."
The Neko grew a little more relieved. "Well can you tell me where she was released? She wasn't released in the middle of the desert was she? Also, who am I speaking to?"
As he looked down at Smithee he began to run a hand over and subsequently through his luxurious locks. Part of him felt he should check to see if his ass was okay.
"The child was released from the rear door of the Old Courthouse. I am not obligated to identify myself." The reply came, as behind Akemi the head Barkeep stepped out on to the deck.
"You'll probably want to take him upstairs to his room." Sadie said, "Don't think he'll be coming 'round any time soon."
"Yeah, that's what I was planning on doing," Akemi said turning to look up at the bartender. It was a shame she'd interrupted him when he was engrossed in the sight of his pal but at least her arrival showed she cared some after all. "I just want you to know right now I really hope you're not thinking of quitting or something because as of now the Cockpit is an embassy since I've got permission from Uso to start my own kingdom. I don't expect that to impress you or anything or make you think I'm not stupid I'm just saying we'll get plenty of business and you'll be treated plenty well. Things are only beginning." Naturally he realized the last few words could be taken badly and he was opening himself up to an easy jab. Still, that was how he saw everything.
"Will I be getting paid more for having to deal with international incidents while I'm on the job?" Sadie asked, pulling a pocketwatch from her suit's pocket and popping it open with a thumb, checking the time and snapping it closed again.
Akemi's answer came fast and smooth. "Sure. I could pay you double whatever you're getting now. If Smithee really likes you I could make it five times. Whatever. The sky's the limit pal, especially if you'll be my bud and not treat me as only your boss."
He then decided to shoot another response to the mystery person. "Thanks buddy. I want you to know I don't have anything against you guys. You can totally tell me your name and I'm not gonna give you trouble. If anything I'd like to be your friend. I'd like to be buds with all of you."
"Mm. Good to know." Sadie said, leaning against the outer wall of the Cockpit. "His room's at the end of the hall, at the top of the stairs. I'll go get the key..."
Meanwhile, in a more digital level, Akemi recieved only the cryptic reply: "My individual components do not bud. Friendship is not obligated. Nomenclature is confidential."
With the woman gone for the moment Akemi gently slipped two hands under the knight before him and started carefully carrying him to his room as he crafted another message. He couldn't wait to see what his room looked like. He also really needed to ask Sadie where exactly Rennie lived and for directions to her likely humble abode.
"Well can you tell me what would make you happy? Is that confidential? Can you tell me if there was a pit trap or a group of thugs waiting for Rennie as soon as she left the courthouse? Was she unharmed when you last saw her? The only place I heard her call home is the workhouse at Catskinner and she said lots of children were taken from there by space men and possibly abducted. Do you have an obligation to prevent crime? How about you or someone else going to look and see if she's okay?"
As Akemi picked up Smithee, the knight stirred slightly, nestling his face into Akemi's shoulder. Seemed that he was just soundly asleep. Although he did seem to be shivering slightly. Taking him up the rickety stairs, Sadie walked ahead and pulled a keychain from her pocket, unlocking the indicated door.
Strangely, Akemi hadn't been in here before... It was quite richly decorated in a very particular way. The color blue featured heavily. As did cloth of gold in some of the upholstry of his furniture. A comfortable armchair in the corner, small desk made of polished and varnished bloodwood. Stacks of papers on it. His bed was quite huge. A monster of a four-poster with sheets of the finest cloth this planet could normally afford, unmade from the previous night. Paintings on the walls, a dresser with a mix of jewellery on top.
It would take a while to work it out, but it was a place which was decorated richly not by riches, but more by plunder. Everything here seemed to be something which had taken Smithee's fancy at one point, but without a clear aesthetic behind it.
Meanwhile, the reply started to get more clipped: "No. No. No. Unapplicable. No. Unapplicable."
"Wow, this place looks awesome," the space kitten said softly as soon as he entered the room and began to look around. He loved Smithee nuzzling into him but he quickly set him down to tuck him in doing his best not to wake him. He also made sure the dreamy dreamer was very comfy and covered up plenty.
With his marvelous man taken care of Akemi moved a good distance away from him to speak to his bowler hat babe. "You gotta give me the key to Olena's room. I gotta look it all over too. I just got told Rennie was let go at the courthouse. Can you get some people to go looking for her? You know where she lives right?"
"Well thanks for answering me at all whoever you are."
"I can ask the boys to send someone out to her rooms if you're worried..." Sadie said, checking her keyring, "Olena's room doesn't have a lock. She just bolts it from the inside. You'll have to get her to invite you inside if you have to see it."
The other half of the conversations going on here however went dead. The responder for the Brigade didn't seem to have a response for thanks, and as such fell silent.
"I'd absolutely love it if you did," Akemi answered quickly in a low voice with his arms crossed to give his hands something to do. "Heck I'd like someone to run around and make sure she's not passed out somewhere and someone to go straight to where she lives and for whoever finds her to bring her here. She can live here. If it's good enough for Smithee it's good enough for her and I'll make her a nice room. I bet he would let her stay in this one until hers is ready."
Sadie just gave a firm nod, and walked out. Heading downstairs to do her assigned task... Leaving Akemi alone with an unconscious Smithee and an unknown amount of time before Rennie's whereabouts could be ascertained.
A while later, perhaps of anxious waiting, or maybe of rifling through his stuff, Smithee would start to stir. Eventually lurching up from his sleep to awake with a start as if he'd had a nightmare. He took a moment to inspect his clothes, breathing heavily. Then checked the bedsheets over him.
"No, no... Would she... Could..." He muttered to himself.
"Whoa buddy," his elfin eared guardian said as he rose from a chair he'd placed right next to his bed and leaned over towards him. He wondered if he was inviting a slap. "You're safe and sound. Rennie should be too. I'm sorry for whatever happened. I got Uso to tell Arccos to leave us alone." Seeing how Smithee seemed to search for something the Neko wondered if the Thieftaker had lived up to her title and stolen a precious family heirloom or something that could help her find the knight's princess if he'd been hiding knowledge of her whereabouts.
For some reason, Smithee seemed rather intently focused on the texture of his bedsheets, rubbing the fabric between his thumb and forefinger for a moment.
"I... I see." He said, frowning as he looked over the room like it was all somehow alien to him. "She's not here, is she?"
"I was told she was let go at the courthouse so I had Sadie send two people to look for her," Akemi answered, sitting back down on the chair. "One to check at her home right away and one to look around to see if she didn't get there for whatever reason."
Smithee looked at Akemi like the starman had just stepped on his own tongue.
"I... Mean the Sheriff. Is she here?"
"Oh no, she's not." Akemi assured feeling relieved Smithee didn't appear very concerned about the little surgeon. At the same time he was worried Arccos had done something awful to him to cause him to ask about her. "Her people cleared out of here too. Are you okay? Is your head alright?"
Almost reflexively, Smithee's hands snapped to his head. Running his long fingers over his face and over his skull, like he was checking for something.
"Does... Does it not seem alright? Did she do something to me?"
The svelte merchant threw his hands up to caution Smithee from jumping to conclusions. "You look absolutely fine. I checked you over while you were passed out. I'll use my space stuff to examine you too just in case. Olena's fine and sleeping off her drunkenness in her room according to Sadie."
One last cursory run of his hands over his head, Smithee looked up to the ceiling of the room, sliding out from between the sheets of his bed and standing up. Taking a few steps, he walked with a slight hunch as if he were worried about something crashing in from above.
A few more steps, and he cleared the room, opening a drawer and rifling through its contents, eventually extracting a letter and reading it over once, then twice.
"Alright... That... Hm..." He took a breath, replacing the letter in its envelope. "That should be fine."
Akemi stood once more and approached Smithee holding out open upturned palms pleadingly. "I know this might sound super selfish when I don't even know what I put you through but I gotta ask, do you hate me? Is there some massive chasm between us now? Have you lost all of what little trust you had in me?"
"I'm sure I can come up with some ways you could repay me." Smithee said, his voice sounding parched. "But I won't be ceasing to remind you that I told you so. Assuming you are even you."
"Fuck, what did she do to you to make you think I might not be me?" the little Starman said worrying that Smithee might be recovering from some awful interrogation tactics. "What the fuck happened? I swear I'm me buddy."
"Yes, and an imposter would swear they were you as well." Smithee almost hissed, "But unless her men made a point of entering my quarters, and reading in great detail my private correspondance I think this place should be real... If..."
His voice faltered a second, as he pressed his fingers against closed eyes.
"I remember being hit in the back. Then I woke up in a room with that woman... And, things happened. Some seemed fantastical, others horrible. All of it quite vivid."
"I was afraid of this," Akemi said crossing his arms. "I'll tell you now if it was really fantastical she probably used some virtual reality thing on you. We've got the means to perfectly simulate the real world or make one just as lifelike but it all happens in your head. Basically the ability to make you dream what you want on command. Did she hurt you with those horrible things?"
"I... Believe at times, yes." Smithee said, shaking a little. "Some things were quite wondrous, other times..."
He turned back walking over to his bed again, clutching his envelope like it was some symbol of reality.
"On your world, do children sometimes pluck the wings off a fly?" He asked, "Because I imagine I now know what the fly feels like."
Akemi sighed. "What a monster. She said she didn't torture. Well I can let you experience a zillion awesome things in simulated reality to give you lots of nice experiences to try to drown out the bad. I just hope you don't become a dream addict."
"I'd honestly prefer to not do that again." Smithee said with a sigh.
"I perfectly understand that," Akemi answered smoothly. Despite the the way he sounded he was a little surprised. "In fact I'm really relieved. I don't want you going back to Arccos for another dose more to your liking or something. Still though, you might think about trying virtual reality on your terms. I could set you up so you could interact with anything from your memories. You could see your princess just by thinking of her. I know I'm not supposed to mention your wife but you could see her too if you wanted to. You could relive whatever you wanted."
"My wife is alive. I can see her any time I want." Smithee said, like that was a bit of hard luck. "But no. This reality, if it is reality, is alright for me."
The male Neko was even more relieved. It was as if Smithee had been designed to suit him and be Arccos resistant. Or maybe he was secretly traumatized. "I'm glad you're such a mentally sturdy guy. I wouldn't think any less of you if you wanted to indulge some time though. I wish I could prove I was the real me. What would do it?"
"I'm going with the idea that she cannot make false what is actual." Smithee said, holding up his letter, "She would not be able to make things which she doesn't know. So she would not know my private correspondence. Unless she took to my rooms after abducting me, she should not know what this has in it."
"Would it be okay if I knew what was in it?" Akemi asked with a sheepish poorly suppressed smile.
"No. Because if you aren't real, then she would know. You did just let slip that this technology could conjure from my memory." Smithee said. Apparently for a local he was very sharp.
The little space kitten shook his head slightly. "Aw man, you're too good. I love you buddy. Well you don't have to stay in this room. If we leave you should be able to find proof you're not in a simulation."
"If it can come from my memory there will never be a guarantee..." Smithee dropped the letter, wandering over to his window and placing his hands on the windowsill. "How do you prove reality is real?"
The svelte tavern owner followed Smithee over to the window and mirrored his pose. "I don't know buddy, all I know is Arccos just did this to give us both grief and you're playing right into her hand. Since you're not yet so mad at me about what happened to you that you won't listen or talk to me would you mind if I shared some good or terrible news depending on your perspective? Maybe it'll take your mind off this."
"What is it, then?" Smithee asked, like he was exhausted.
Akemi smiled and looked straight at his pal instead of out the window. "I asked Uso if I could start my own kingdom and she said she couldn't care less. I can do whatever I want. I told Arccos what I planned to do and then she grabbed you claiming it was treason. Well now I've got permission and you're free and this place is going to be my embassy."
"I... See..." Smithee's mind was clearly going a mile a minute. "And what order did you do these in?"
The slight Starman felt like he was seeing stars witnessing the state Smithee was in. The Sheriff sure gave him a good mental punch in the gut. "Well I spoke to Arccos first so I guess you can blame me for your predicament which is why I was so concerned you'd be super upset with me. We're free now though and I imagine we'll get plenty more customers once this is made known. I tried asking Uso if she had zero interest in bothering your princess if she is alive but she was so busy she just snapped at me to leave. I did ask her assistant to pass on her answer when she could though."
"So we can't take her out for... For-for assaulting a foreign official then..." Smithee clenched a fist, slamming it down on the edge of the window.
Akemi moved a tad away from his pal. He'd never seen him get that angry before. "Maybe I can demand something for your mental anguish. I've totally got things that will make you feel better and let you put this stuff behind you. I just don't know what to do for you. Want to see Olena?"
"How long was I even gone...?" Smithee asked, still seething.
The Neko checked his mental clock. "A short time. I flew the entire time from the docks to Uso but I did have to do some looking for her which slowed me down. I tried talking to her mentally but she made me wait till I met her in person before I could get things done. Sadie found you passed out in your garden."
"I see." Smithee said, rapping his fist a few more times on the building's architecture. Not hard, but just enough. "Well. I don't know anything anymore. So what are you doing with your kingdom? Might as well do something practical even if it's not real..."
"Use it as an excuse to wear fancy clothes and act snobbishly aristocratic," Akemi answered swiftly. "Besides that we can invite all your friends and anyone who doesn't like being governed by Arccos and make our own safe haven from her tyranny. I'll build it up, make sure everyone has ample food and shelter and find some way to make a profit off it. That's basically it. That and try to find your princess so we can stick her there and ensure she's safe."
Smithee turned from his window to look Akemi in the eye, narrowing his own for just a moment.
"I see. And your Sheriff knows of your intention to create this safe haven for the Princess, does she?"
The slip of a man stared straight up into Smithee's eyes with a mildly serious look of his own to say he didn't mind in the slightest that the knight might be trying to sense trickery or seriously judge him in some capacity. "She doesn't but Uso hasn't told me she'll leave her alone yet. I bet she would though. I mean what is she going to do now? I bet she'd be happy with her in my care because I could shoo away anyone that could try to use her as a figurehead in some ill fated attempt at rebellion. I'd just like to create some peace between the old powers and the new one."
"You would imply that the Princess wouldn't be in danger of just being hanged, as her brother was..." Smithee shook his head glumly, his hair inadvertedly looking far too elegant in the process as he walked out into the hall. Calling for Sadie.
Akemi walked over to Smithee's side. "Well I'm not saying it's practical but it's something I'd like to do because you care about her and I want to meet a princess. I'm going to make a nice safe place for you and your noble pals anyway whether she ends up in it or not. If you know anyone you'd like to help you could tell them about me and ask them to say they want to be governed by me and not Grant or Arccos. Maybe Uso would let me call their land my own just like that and bam, their ancestral stuff is safe from the Thieftaker."
"I doubt many would surrender their land, even in name only." Smithee said, walking down the stairs to meet Sadie at the bottom.
He asked for a drink. A stiff one. Sadie just nodded and looked up at Akemi, "No one at the girl's rooms, ownerman."
The king without subjects smiled at Sadie's term of address. "Go ahead and call me Akemi or Koga or nothing. You don't need to call me anything bud."
He then turned to Smithee. "I only need one or two to get the ball rolling. Besides I have a knight to help convince people and when they consider I can turn their land a hundred percent green with plants they've never seen before maybe they'll warm to the idea."
"Most would rather put a bullet in you than surrender their land to a starman. Or anyone. Can you blame them for wanting to keep their own property?" Smithee said, as Sadie wandered off to fetch a drink.
"Man you're awful negative but of course I can't blame you. Aren't there people who are tormented by Arccos or whose property is right on the border of her domain that'd want some security?" Akemi started to consider telepathically impotently threatening to throw a shit fit at Uso in the hopes that Arccos or one of her people would put an end to his worry about the Cockpit's barber-surgeon. "Also, are you worried about Rennie not being at home?"
"All of them already surrendered to your Empire." Smithee grumbled, moving over and sitting in one of the booths in the Cockpit, "Such comes with tacit agreement to be ruled in some capacity by this new government set up by your Empress."
Sadie moved over, putting a black glass tumbler down in front of Smithee. The knight taking a deep drink from it.
"The problem is we don't know what is legal or illegal. The County of the Riverlands was confiscated after your Sheriff took offense to us enacting our old laws. Tyben was claimed for keeping prisoners to their sentences." Smithee almost snarled the words, "And now our only hope is completely surrendering everything we've ever held to you? No rights, no entitlement to everything we've worked for? Just total surrender? At least the Dantrattens got to keep what they own when they bent a knee to your ambassador."
Akemi sighed. "Buddy you've got it all wrong. The way it'd work is your pals say they'd prefer my governance and I basically let them run things as they always have and I present them with business opportunities like giving them fantastic soil and crops to raise. I get a cut and they become wealthier than they ever were. Plus I give them weapons and whatnot so nobody messes with them and they can claim unclaimed and unsettled land if they want or land from bandits or whatever. Do you really think I want to treat you guys badly and humiliate you?"
"Yes. Because you don't seem to understand that most people would find it humiliating to give you their land, and you want to do this." Smithee put his glass down, cushioning it with his pinkie so that it made no sound as it came to rest on the tabletop.
Akemi was starting to grow irritated and was ready to tell Smithee he and his friends sounded pretty fucking stupid. "Well they already got humiliated by surrendering once and doing this would be a way to distance themselves from and stop direct rule of their lands by the people who killed their friends and relatives and defeated them. How are they humiliated by getting out from under their rule somewhat and gaining more independence?"
Chances were that at this point in time, the Osman nobility actually were somewhat stupid. Then again, they were also prideful.
"You taking their lands and saying that they can do what they will with it is the same as me taking away everything you own and saying you can do what you want with it. Independence, but granted at my leisure." Smithee explained, "The Osmani didn't even grant their own royal family that sort of freedom over them, which is why they had that atrocious parliament."
The Neko gave Smithee his own show of attitude with dead eyes that looked like he lost the will to live. "Well it's either me or Grant who is likely effectively Uso's little puppet or the Thieftaker. Got any names of people that you think might consider my idea? I don't give a damn if most won't like it. I'd like to focus on the exceptions. Plus what would your approach be besides not doing anything?"
"Have them swear fealty of their family and lands to you." Smithee said simply, "Has the same functional effect without the implication that you have the power to boot them from where they're living at the first inclination."
Akemi smiled and whipped out his NSP and pointed it at the side of his head. "That's basically what I was thinking of anyway yet you drove me up the wall by not just explaining your objection and solution earlier. Give me a reason not to off myself. Who might agree to swearing fealty? Couldn't you get that's essentially what I meant or at least what I might have meant?"
"No, because ownership and fealty are very distinct. Or at least here. It strikes me now that space seems terribly... 'revolutionary'..." Smithee held up a hand, some vague hand gesture to display something distasteful.
Akemi shook his star gun wildly with an artificial tremble. "Maybe you're not the real Smithee. Maybe I'm the one being duped. I don't think the real Smithee would have tortured me like you have. I swear you cough up some names or this little Starman gets it."
"Mm. Well. Welcome to my dilemma, my dear. If I'm not real, these names could be next on the gallows tree..." Smithee gave a one-shoulder shrug. "You could try... Oh..."
The elfin eared man had had enough. He holstered his pistol and lunged to give Smithee a hard hug. "I am real!" he cried into his buddy's shoulder as he shook him back and forth.
"I suppose I should give you names of those I don't like..." Smithee sounded amused, moving one hand from the table in front of him to run his fingers through Akemi's hair. "The Grenvilles, if you wish to control a muddy wasteland. Sea Lord Charriere has some small holdings aside from... Well, Lordship over the Green Sea. Regrettably it seems that your Sheriff has taken the nicer places as a priority."
"If we had hot steamy sex do you think that'd somehow be enough to prove I was real?" Akemi asked as he looked up at Smithee with a really goofy grin while maintaining his hold on him.
"Who said that wasn't part of the interrogation I underwent?" Smithee held a hand to his forehead, doing a very good job of looking affected by the whole ordeal.
Akemi leaned back a bit in mock disbelief. "Fuck I'm jealous if it was and it was with Arccos. Was it? I must admit I did tell her you have a fantastic ass when I tried to convince her to leave you alone. She really likes butts."
"I admit that there isn't anything in this world or any other which could make me go for that..." Smithee said, shaking his head and looking a little ill.
"Did she rape you?" Akemi cried. His expression made it seem as if he didn't mind this idea in the slightest.
"Nothing of the sort. I had wished to make light of how that sort of thing would not convince me..." The knight shook his head.
"Well I just don't know what to do then." Akemi released his pal and crossed his arms. "I guess Arccos won and you'll never trust me with anything secret because you could be in an imaginary world. Now I just want to find wherever the hell Rennie is so I can get her to live here. Would you convince her to do that for me? Would you help me find her?"
"I'll say that this is one of the longer and more down to dust things I've experienced lately. There is a plausibility it's real." Smithee said, exasperatedly. "But realistically, can you blame me? You are confronted with the notion that someone you know can place you into a world which is no different than the one you know. And are given proof that you have been in it. How does one prove that they are in the real world?"
"I don't fucking know buddy," Akemi answered. "I never said I blamed you either. That's why I moved on to asking about Rennie. All I can say is all space people where I come from and have been would have to worry about the same thing every day of their lives since they have the same technology and they could always be knocked out and abducted and mentally messed with. People can rewrite memories. None of us can know for certain the lives we live are real but we live them anyway. Even without worrying about this technology I think life is inherently meaningless and none of us have free will but I live my life anyway and try to always have fun. Of course none of this is going to help you."
"I see..." Smithee shook his head, looking like this was just depressing him now. "So what's the big deal with the bonesetter?"
"I just wanna be nice to a kid that Olena trusts enough to have perform life or death treatments on her body," Akemi replied. "I'd also like to have a cute little kid friend around to enjoy the presence of and spoil and maybe bring over others. Plus I want to make sure she's not in any danger and that nothing bad has happened to her and if something has I want to fix it."
"I see. To each their own, one must suppose." Smithee stood, "I suppose we can search..."
"How would you go about it?" Akemi asked. "I guess I'd just ask people to go looking for her and advertise a reward for finding her. I don't even know if there's any point beyond my concern. Maybe she's secretly having fun fucking around with Arccos and doesn't even want to come back. At this point I'm drained of my will to do anything."
"Mmn. Well, unless Arccos has an unlimited supply of gin, I suspect the little urchin's just gone to ground after getting dragged in. Most street children know how to disappear after they've filched something or other..." Smithee said, his general apathy over poor street kids starting to stain the furniture around him.
"Well know any master finder of people you can get one of your guys to talk to for me or some professional crier or hawker or something we can hire so my little orphan can at least see she's wanted around and effort has been made to find her?" Akemi asked weakly.
"Peoplefinder? I know there's a private detective we've used in the past when some of the girls have gone missing..." Smithee said, taking up his glass again to take another drink, this time draining the rest of it.
Akemi sighed once more. "How much does she like gin? How about you ask your guys to go spread the word that whoever finds Rennie and brings her here without a single scratch on her gets whatever is a decent prize of Arcmarks and that Rennie will get unlimited gin if she comes back?"
"A tad too much to be healthy." Smithee frowned, looking at his own empty glass of the stuff. "For a child. But they'll always do what they will... I'll send my men."
The knight turned on his heel, heading for the back rooms behind the bar.
"Wait," Akemi said. "Tell 'em I'll make pictures of her for them to show around from my head." The Neko paused for a moment. "When you're done with them how about you let me scan your head on my ship so I can see if you appear untampered with for my sake since I might not be real and then you can just retire for the day and see if maybe in the morning you'll feet better?"
Smithee stopped, turning to look over his shoulder, "I'm not entirely sure what that means, but I'll tell them. And sure... Let's do that."
Some Time Later:
ON > Red Menace.
Staring at a medical display, it proved that... There was nothing absolutely wrong with Smithee's brain. At least nothing wrong physically. No implants in his head, nothing cut out. Seemed that whatever had been done to him had simply been some sort of mental conditioning. Not unusual, considering every Freespacer had undergone the same sort of thing at birth.
Smithee stirred and heaved himself up from the diagnostic bed.
"So. Anything wrong with me?"
"Nope," Akemi answered with his arms crossed to keep them busy. "Nothing that the machine can find. You've just gone through something really mentally jarring. Of course we all know this could be a trick but at least I as someone who believes himself to be real is happy because I was afraid some tracking device or something would be put in you. Personally I want to slip one on you and maybe get you and Olena some mindware. Mindware being stuff that lets you think like me and do stuff you can't do in your head now."
"I'd rather you not mess with my mind." Smithee said firmly.
"Well I wouldn't mess with it." The Neko raised his hands to his chest in a cautioning manner as he was wont to do. "It'd just be a tool so you could do things like instantly put information in your head. You could perfectly remember whatever you wanted to remember, you'd be able to instantly learn how to speak and read a language, you'd be able to communicate with your mind and you'd always know what time it is. Stuff like that. The tracking device would just be so I could rescue you if anything bad happened to you."
"And what does this thing look like?" Smithee asked offhandedly.
Akemi held an open hand in front of each of his shoulders and made them face each other. He then projected images of little mental implants in front of his chest. They were the ones he imagined would look the least intimidating of those he could recall. "Well it's a small thing that'd get put in your head with your brain. I know that might sound really spooky but inserting it is an operation that's essentially guaranteed to work safely. Heck I'm an artificially made being. That's how advanced technology is where I come from. I hope you won't treat me as a soulless abomination now."
"I don't even know what that means..." Smithee half-grumbled. "But I'd rather not let anyone cut into my head, with good intentions or no..."
"I mean I wasn't born from a man and a woman," Akemi explained smoothly after ceasing with the images. "A machine made me. I hope that doesn't freak you out and I won't try to force anything on you. If you ever want to try some mind technology so you can go on a fun adventure in your head or something you just tell me though. It might be therapeutic."
"You have flying pyramids that decimate armies. That you can pop a human... or something like it out of an engine is no real surprise." The knight sighed. "Most are surprised you aren't little green creatures. I'm not surprised by anything anymore, and as long as you're not harvesting me for whatever you harvest for I'm fine with whatever happens. Just stay out of my head."
Akemi smiled. "Well I totally will stay out of it and I only look to harvest affection. Anyway, I got all sorts of guns and stuff in this ship for you and your men like armor that's better than whatever you've got only it's like clothing. Like what Arccos' people wear. And I've got little pills that contain a whole healthy meal. All sorts of stuff to distribute. That cheer you up at all?" The little merchant didn't expect that to but he simply wanted to change the subject.
"I'm not a military man, strictly speaking. While security is nice, I'd rather something new to sell than something to destroy a man with."
"I figured as much." Akemi turned around and grabbed a big tray of hunks of Elysian Psomi which he presented to his buddy. Each chunk had a different colour and had the texture of steak or bread. They were all about half the size of Smithee's fist. All the colours of the rainbow were included and no two pieces had the same taste. "Go ahead and try 'em." The flavours were as varied as the colours.
Smithee took a piece between thumb and forefinger, holding it to his nose and giving it a sniff before popping it into his mouth. A few chews, and he gave a nod. Not giving away whether it was to his tastes or no.
"It will sell." He said simply, "Certainly better than Algaeia."
The raven-haired companion grinned. "Try this one," he said, proffering a light green piece. "It's chocolate mint. I love it."
Smithee took the offered green morsel, once again doing his sniff and eat routine. Only for a moment he half screwed up his face.
"It... uh... It goes to the nose, doesn't it?" He said with a slight cough. Apparently the first taste of mint on the planet, to a person not accustomed to anything approaching fragrant made it hit a bit harder in terms of actual flavor. Like someone who was not accustomed to spice.
"Yeah. It sure does." Akemi's smile grew and his eyes danced with glee. "It's all super fast growing fungus that I can make taste any way you want. We can replace Algaeia with it and feed the poor. It has all the nutrients you need to develop well. No one will grow up looking overly skinny like Rennie again." He held out another piece, this time it was a pale yellow. "It's pineapple."
Another sniff, another bite and Smithee... Nodded approvingly. "More... Acid than the fruits on this world, but something similar..."
No thoughts on the skinny comment. Comments about Rennie seeming to go over his head, or under his notice.
"You just give me a sample of each of the rarest and most prized foods on this planet and I'll start selling stuff that tastes just like it. I can make copies of rare animals and plants too so people can get the texture and consistency they're used to." Akemi handed Smithee yet another piece, this one dark brown with white speckles. "It's chocolate and coconut." As he offered the chunk a thought occurred to him and he had a nearby view screen display the foods that each flavor originally came from, each labeled with their name in trade. Of course Akemi didn't expect his friend to be able to read the words.
"I have to be quite frank... While I appreciate the opportunity to savor star cuisine, is the... Medical area of your vessel truly appropriate?" Smithee said, looking over to the view screen and reading one or two lines.
"Well who cares?" Akemi asked, before lightly poking Smithee's cheek with the morsel. "It's my ship and I can do whatever I want so it's plenty appropriate to me. We could go back to the Cockpit in a vehicle filled with this stuff if you want."
Smithee gave a little sigh, opening his mouth to accept the morsel in Akemi's hand.
The Neko gently guided the tip in while mischievously thinking about brutally fucking Smithee's face with it. "I love this flavor. Do you wanna leave or have me show you something else?"
Smithee took the morsel in his mouth, clamping down and trapping one of Akemi's fingers in his lips. Just sucking slightly before letting him go.
"I'm sure you have much to show me, but let's do it somewhere else..."
Akemi chuckled softly with a glint in his eyes. "Whoa buddy, I didn't expect that. Not that I'm complaining." He then led the way to another room with a big box of weapons along with plenty of other unopened crates. In front of it was a table with several cheap yet reliable pistols spread out atop it as well as a set of Styrling armor. Beside it was a second open crate clearly containing the Yamataian surplus pill rations he mentioned earlier.
"I had honestly thought that the idea of a meal in a pill was the stuff of bad science fiction." Smithee said as he entered the room behind Akemi. "Strange times..."
Akemi sat his tray of Psomi down atop a crate in case his buddy wanted more. "Well it's totally legit and they'd be great for young people. They're made to break down slowly so your body gradually digests them and it doesn't hit you all at once." He turned around and picked up a Zen Arms Little Killer.
"I know you're not particularly interested in weapons but I figured I gotta show 'em to you sometime. I want to make sure everyone you'd trust with one has at least one and anyone who'd fight for you would have a suit of armor on par with what the Thieftaker's men use."
"Well, we only have some small time security groups. Private guards, that sort of thing. If you're intending on having your own royal army you'll need to have something more." Smithee mused, "Although I still don't know what you intend for this kingdom other than your own amusement."
"Oh well I'm not even meaning to talk about setting up a kingdom here," Akemi explained. "I just mean should the Cockpit ever be attacked or someone give you or a buddy trouble I want you to have the means to defend yourself. Like this little gun here, every lady working there could pack one for self-defense or we could get them a little gun with a stun and a kill setting." As the Neko spoke he held out the pistol for inspection with an open palm. "You and Olena could discretely carry one wherever you go so you two can rest a little easier. Not like I'm saying people will be out to get you suddenly. I just mean hey, don't have to worry so much about a mugger now or something."
Smithee reached into his rather billowy swashbuckler's tunic, around behind his back and pulled out the PIMP he'd been handed on the Freehold mission. "Will this one not do?"
"Oh good, you kept it." Akemi was quite pleased to see his pal was already making good use of a gift. "That'd do plenty well. I only mentioned this thing in case you ever wanted something extra good for concealment should you wear something less suited for hiding things in the future. Anyway, Olena, would she have any qualms with me giving her a super sharp, unbreakable sword for her duels?"
"She would likely prefer to use her lucky sword." Smithee explained "That and it's not sporting to have one opponent with superior arms. It's hardly a match of skill if you have a sword which can slice a mountain in twain and your opponent does not."
"Well I've got an awesome space saber for her anyway. One for you too. I took a look at your weapons and copied them." Akemi dug into his crate of pills and pulled out sheathed yama-dura versions of his native buddies' blades. Each had a mono-molecular edge. He placed the swords on the table then grabbed a slim, rounded, rectangular communicator and a pair of sunglasses, both black. "Now you can talk with me at any time with these," he said proffering the items to his pal."
Smithee took a look at the swords, then seemed to think twice about inspecting them just this moment. Instead taking up the sunglasses and communicator.
"And how would these work, exactly?"
"Well I'll teach you but it's all simple," Akemi said crossing his arms again. "You could literally talk right into that black box called a communicator and it'll give you instructions on how to use it and the shades. The shades will let you look stylish while you chat as you can listen and talk through them. I'll give Olena the same stuff. You just say 'communicator call Akemi' and you'll be able to talk to me with it. Since communicator is annoying to say you can give the thing a name to respond to. Just say 'communicator your name is whatever.'"
Akemi's explanation caused an eyebrow to raise, Smithee taking up the communicator and looking for something obvious to talk into. Holding it notably sideways, he spoke with perfect diction: "Communicator, your name is Jeeves."
It confirmed.
"Jeeves, call Akemi something complimentary."
It denied. Smithee frowned.
Or so Smithee thought. "Akemi you're a wise consumer," the slim, shiny device answered in a silky smooth feminine voice. "Thank you for purchasing this device."
"Oh dear. Merchants." Smithee shook his head.
Akemi laughed lightly once more with a big smile. "You're adorable. I love you. It can do all sorts of stuff. If you had Mindware you could control it really easily just by thinking. Like you can make it record a conversation, play music, project images on its screen or in the air. It'll let you access huge public libraries of information stored on many machines called the InterNep."
"I'm not entirely sure where I would start with a huge library of things that are probably known by every child." Smithee said glumly, "...I actually rather feel like the primitive you probably see us all as..."
"Awww. Come on man, I don't see you as primitive," Akemi said as he placed a hand on the knight's shoulder. "You're my pal. That's why people should stick with me. I see you guys as people, not tools or animals or sub beings. It's not like you suddenly have to take learning really seriously. You know way more about this world than I do and I value your knowledge. We were just born in different places is all."
"Yes, well. We are still deficient in many ways..." Smithee clutched his new communicator, finally working out which was the proper way to hold it up.
"So what?" the Neko replied removing his hand and folding his arms yet again. "The only potential deficiency that really concerns me is one of confidence and positive outlook. I'm concerned you might think I'm stupid because I might appear to have grand plans without the seriousness to carry them out. You just gotta take it easy and get familiar with some star people technology and you'll have fun learning whatever you want at your leisure."
"Jeeves, tell me about 'positions'" Smithee said, perfect business tone. A little screen popping up from his communicator.
"Well... I'm slightly disappointed actually."
Akemi lit up like a Christmas tree. "Well you gotta specify your positions buddy. You looking for political ones?"
Returning to the Cockpit, Akemi would find that it was... Quiet. Rennie, and Smithee were nowhere to be seen, more the point neither was Olena. The only one on staff remained Sadie, the head barkeeper... But business was slow. Seemed that after the accusations of treason, the place had been vacated by many of its customers, those who were members of Arccos' sheriff's department. Their steady pay compared to many locals meant that they had been a staple, up until this moment.
"Olena's passed out upstairs." Sadie said, scrubbing what looked like a copper mug. "You gone and done fucked up, boy."
"More like Arccos fucked up," Akemi declared. As much as he'd like to befriend her people he wouldn't lose much sleep over if they decided not to come around anymore. He reasoned he could always make it clear to them later they were still welcome and explain what had gone on and clear up any misunderstandings. When it came to his other customers he figured he could easily get more and they'd eventually come around given time. They'd be the ones to really lose out if they didn't.
He didn't wish to sound harsh or arrogant with Sadie but she worked for him now and he didn't need her stating the obvious. "Where the heck are Smithee and Rennie? Are they okay?"
"Smithee's in the garden." Sadie said, hanging up her now clean mug, "Not seen Rennie since they pulled her outta the back."
"Were you treated alright? How'd it all go down?" the little Starman asked as he looked about a bit. Sure he could ask Smithee but he didn't feel like asking even more questions than he already had in store for him, especially when he doubted the man would be in the mood to converse let alone hear anything from him.
"No one bothered me." Sadie shrugged, "Two just got up, and one shot Smithee in the back. Another said something about Brigade business and went to take Rennie away. She went quiet like."
Hearing his best bud had been shot Akemi bolted for the garden to see what state he was in. What a little shitter Sadie seemed to be having not put him in a bed in a room with Olena. Despite how bad what she'd said could sound out of context he wasn't too concerned. He had the ability to heal anything as long as Smithee's brains hadn't been blown out and if Arccos really wasn't someone who would torture he imagined there was a good chance the noble had only been hit with a stun gun to make sure things went fast and didn't escalate.
Akemi's suspicions didn't seem far off. If anything it seemed like he'd been shot with some sort of tranquilizer round, seeing as how he was laid flat out on his back, nestled between the blue flowers of the garden by the cockpit. His long hair splayed out around his head... It all looked rather peaceful actually. There certainly wasn't any blood, or obvious wounds on him. He was just napping.
"Where the hell is my baby Rennie buddy?" Akemi sent to Arccos hoping she'd answer and not try to get all technical about not needing to even though that was exactly what he expected and figured Rennie not being around was because of that mindset of doing the bare minimum to comply with whatever Uso told her.
While he waited for an answer he knelt down to examine Smithee to see for certain he was alright. At the same he took in the beauty of his sleeping form and gently ran a hand across his brow and down his face. He was definitely going to check to see if his mind had been tampered with and if any tracking devices had been put on him. He certainly needed a full body scan.
Unstirring, Smithee lay peacefully in the garden. There didn't seem to be anything wrong with him physically. By rolling him over, Akemi would find that there wasn't even anything like a puncture wound. More likely some sort of skin absorbant round. No obvious cuts on anything that would be decent to see with his clothes on in a public garden.
Eventually, Arccos' reply came. Or at least a reply from someone in Arccos' Brigade. It simply read: "The girl was released and presumably returned to her place of dwelling. It is not the responsibility of the Buttonless Brigade to track children."
The Neko grew a little more relieved. "Well can you tell me where she was released? She wasn't released in the middle of the desert was she? Also, who am I speaking to?"
As he looked down at Smithee he began to run a hand over and subsequently through his luxurious locks. Part of him felt he should check to see if his ass was okay.
"The child was released from the rear door of the Old Courthouse. I am not obligated to identify myself." The reply came, as behind Akemi the head Barkeep stepped out on to the deck.
"You'll probably want to take him upstairs to his room." Sadie said, "Don't think he'll be coming 'round any time soon."
"Yeah, that's what I was planning on doing," Akemi said turning to look up at the bartender. It was a shame she'd interrupted him when he was engrossed in the sight of his pal but at least her arrival showed she cared some after all. "I just want you to know right now I really hope you're not thinking of quitting or something because as of now the Cockpit is an embassy since I've got permission from Uso to start my own kingdom. I don't expect that to impress you or anything or make you think I'm not stupid I'm just saying we'll get plenty of business and you'll be treated plenty well. Things are only beginning." Naturally he realized the last few words could be taken badly and he was opening himself up to an easy jab. Still, that was how he saw everything.
"Will I be getting paid more for having to deal with international incidents while I'm on the job?" Sadie asked, pulling a pocketwatch from her suit's pocket and popping it open with a thumb, checking the time and snapping it closed again.
Akemi's answer came fast and smooth. "Sure. I could pay you double whatever you're getting now. If Smithee really likes you I could make it five times. Whatever. The sky's the limit pal, especially if you'll be my bud and not treat me as only your boss."
He then decided to shoot another response to the mystery person. "Thanks buddy. I want you to know I don't have anything against you guys. You can totally tell me your name and I'm not gonna give you trouble. If anything I'd like to be your friend. I'd like to be buds with all of you."
"Mm. Good to know." Sadie said, leaning against the outer wall of the Cockpit. "His room's at the end of the hall, at the top of the stairs. I'll go get the key..."
Meanwhile, in a more digital level, Akemi recieved only the cryptic reply: "My individual components do not bud. Friendship is not obligated. Nomenclature is confidential."
With the woman gone for the moment Akemi gently slipped two hands under the knight before him and started carefully carrying him to his room as he crafted another message. He couldn't wait to see what his room looked like. He also really needed to ask Sadie where exactly Rennie lived and for directions to her likely humble abode.
"Well can you tell me what would make you happy? Is that confidential? Can you tell me if there was a pit trap or a group of thugs waiting for Rennie as soon as she left the courthouse? Was she unharmed when you last saw her? The only place I heard her call home is the workhouse at Catskinner and she said lots of children were taken from there by space men and possibly abducted. Do you have an obligation to prevent crime? How about you or someone else going to look and see if she's okay?"
As Akemi picked up Smithee, the knight stirred slightly, nestling his face into Akemi's shoulder. Seemed that he was just soundly asleep. Although he did seem to be shivering slightly. Taking him up the rickety stairs, Sadie walked ahead and pulled a keychain from her pocket, unlocking the indicated door.
Strangely, Akemi hadn't been in here before... It was quite richly decorated in a very particular way. The color blue featured heavily. As did cloth of gold in some of the upholstry of his furniture. A comfortable armchair in the corner, small desk made of polished and varnished bloodwood. Stacks of papers on it. His bed was quite huge. A monster of a four-poster with sheets of the finest cloth this planet could normally afford, unmade from the previous night. Paintings on the walls, a dresser with a mix of jewellery on top.
It would take a while to work it out, but it was a place which was decorated richly not by riches, but more by plunder. Everything here seemed to be something which had taken Smithee's fancy at one point, but without a clear aesthetic behind it.
Meanwhile, the reply started to get more clipped: "No. No. No. Unapplicable. No. Unapplicable."
"Wow, this place looks awesome," the space kitten said softly as soon as he entered the room and began to look around. He loved Smithee nuzzling into him but he quickly set him down to tuck him in doing his best not to wake him. He also made sure the dreamy dreamer was very comfy and covered up plenty.
With his marvelous man taken care of Akemi moved a good distance away from him to speak to his bowler hat babe. "You gotta give me the key to Olena's room. I gotta look it all over too. I just got told Rennie was let go at the courthouse. Can you get some people to go looking for her? You know where she lives right?"
"Well thanks for answering me at all whoever you are."
"I can ask the boys to send someone out to her rooms if you're worried..." Sadie said, checking her keyring, "Olena's room doesn't have a lock. She just bolts it from the inside. You'll have to get her to invite you inside if you have to see it."
The other half of the conversations going on here however went dead. The responder for the Brigade didn't seem to have a response for thanks, and as such fell silent.
"I'd absolutely love it if you did," Akemi answered quickly in a low voice with his arms crossed to give his hands something to do. "Heck I'd like someone to run around and make sure she's not passed out somewhere and someone to go straight to where she lives and for whoever finds her to bring her here. She can live here. If it's good enough for Smithee it's good enough for her and I'll make her a nice room. I bet he would let her stay in this one until hers is ready."
Sadie just gave a firm nod, and walked out. Heading downstairs to do her assigned task... Leaving Akemi alone with an unconscious Smithee and an unknown amount of time before Rennie's whereabouts could be ascertained.
A while later, perhaps of anxious waiting, or maybe of rifling through his stuff, Smithee would start to stir. Eventually lurching up from his sleep to awake with a start as if he'd had a nightmare. He took a moment to inspect his clothes, breathing heavily. Then checked the bedsheets over him.
"No, no... Would she... Could..." He muttered to himself.
"Whoa buddy," his elfin eared guardian said as he rose from a chair he'd placed right next to his bed and leaned over towards him. He wondered if he was inviting a slap. "You're safe and sound. Rennie should be too. I'm sorry for whatever happened. I got Uso to tell Arccos to leave us alone." Seeing how Smithee seemed to search for something the Neko wondered if the Thieftaker had lived up to her title and stolen a precious family heirloom or something that could help her find the knight's princess if he'd been hiding knowledge of her whereabouts.
For some reason, Smithee seemed rather intently focused on the texture of his bedsheets, rubbing the fabric between his thumb and forefinger for a moment.
"I... I see." He said, frowning as he looked over the room like it was all somehow alien to him. "She's not here, is she?"
"I was told she was let go at the courthouse so I had Sadie send two people to look for her," Akemi answered, sitting back down on the chair. "One to check at her home right away and one to look around to see if she didn't get there for whatever reason."
Smithee looked at Akemi like the starman had just stepped on his own tongue.
"I... Mean the Sheriff. Is she here?"
"Oh no, she's not." Akemi assured feeling relieved Smithee didn't appear very concerned about the little surgeon. At the same time he was worried Arccos had done something awful to him to cause him to ask about her. "Her people cleared out of here too. Are you okay? Is your head alright?"
Almost reflexively, Smithee's hands snapped to his head. Running his long fingers over his face and over his skull, like he was checking for something.
"Does... Does it not seem alright? Did she do something to me?"
The svelte merchant threw his hands up to caution Smithee from jumping to conclusions. "You look absolutely fine. I checked you over while you were passed out. I'll use my space stuff to examine you too just in case. Olena's fine and sleeping off her drunkenness in her room according to Sadie."
One last cursory run of his hands over his head, Smithee looked up to the ceiling of the room, sliding out from between the sheets of his bed and standing up. Taking a few steps, he walked with a slight hunch as if he were worried about something crashing in from above.
A few more steps, and he cleared the room, opening a drawer and rifling through its contents, eventually extracting a letter and reading it over once, then twice.
"Alright... That... Hm..." He took a breath, replacing the letter in its envelope. "That should be fine."
Akemi stood once more and approached Smithee holding out open upturned palms pleadingly. "I know this might sound super selfish when I don't even know what I put you through but I gotta ask, do you hate me? Is there some massive chasm between us now? Have you lost all of what little trust you had in me?"
"I'm sure I can come up with some ways you could repay me." Smithee said, his voice sounding parched. "But I won't be ceasing to remind you that I told you so. Assuming you are even you."
"Fuck, what did she do to you to make you think I might not be me?" the little Starman said worrying that Smithee might be recovering from some awful interrogation tactics. "What the fuck happened? I swear I'm me buddy."
"Yes, and an imposter would swear they were you as well." Smithee almost hissed, "But unless her men made a point of entering my quarters, and reading in great detail my private correspondance I think this place should be real... If..."
His voice faltered a second, as he pressed his fingers against closed eyes.
"I remember being hit in the back. Then I woke up in a room with that woman... And, things happened. Some seemed fantastical, others horrible. All of it quite vivid."
"I was afraid of this," Akemi said crossing his arms. "I'll tell you now if it was really fantastical she probably used some virtual reality thing on you. We've got the means to perfectly simulate the real world or make one just as lifelike but it all happens in your head. Basically the ability to make you dream what you want on command. Did she hurt you with those horrible things?"
"I... Believe at times, yes." Smithee said, shaking a little. "Some things were quite wondrous, other times..."
He turned back walking over to his bed again, clutching his envelope like it was some symbol of reality.
"On your world, do children sometimes pluck the wings off a fly?" He asked, "Because I imagine I now know what the fly feels like."
Akemi sighed. "What a monster. She said she didn't torture. Well I can let you experience a zillion awesome things in simulated reality to give you lots of nice experiences to try to drown out the bad. I just hope you don't become a dream addict."
"I'd honestly prefer to not do that again." Smithee said with a sigh.
"I perfectly understand that," Akemi answered smoothly. Despite the the way he sounded he was a little surprised. "In fact I'm really relieved. I don't want you going back to Arccos for another dose more to your liking or something. Still though, you might think about trying virtual reality on your terms. I could set you up so you could interact with anything from your memories. You could see your princess just by thinking of her. I know I'm not supposed to mention your wife but you could see her too if you wanted to. You could relive whatever you wanted."
"My wife is alive. I can see her any time I want." Smithee said, like that was a bit of hard luck. "But no. This reality, if it is reality, is alright for me."
The male Neko was even more relieved. It was as if Smithee had been designed to suit him and be Arccos resistant. Or maybe he was secretly traumatized. "I'm glad you're such a mentally sturdy guy. I wouldn't think any less of you if you wanted to indulge some time though. I wish I could prove I was the real me. What would do it?"
"I'm going with the idea that she cannot make false what is actual." Smithee said, holding up his letter, "She would not be able to make things which she doesn't know. So she would not know my private correspondence. Unless she took to my rooms after abducting me, she should not know what this has in it."
"Would it be okay if I knew what was in it?" Akemi asked with a sheepish poorly suppressed smile.
"No. Because if you aren't real, then she would know. You did just let slip that this technology could conjure from my memory." Smithee said. Apparently for a local he was very sharp.
The little space kitten shook his head slightly. "Aw man, you're too good. I love you buddy. Well you don't have to stay in this room. If we leave you should be able to find proof you're not in a simulation."
"If it can come from my memory there will never be a guarantee..." Smithee dropped the letter, wandering over to his window and placing his hands on the windowsill. "How do you prove reality is real?"
The svelte tavern owner followed Smithee over to the window and mirrored his pose. "I don't know buddy, all I know is Arccos just did this to give us both grief and you're playing right into her hand. Since you're not yet so mad at me about what happened to you that you won't listen or talk to me would you mind if I shared some good or terrible news depending on your perspective? Maybe it'll take your mind off this."
"What is it, then?" Smithee asked, like he was exhausted.
Akemi smiled and looked straight at his pal instead of out the window. "I asked Uso if I could start my own kingdom and she said she couldn't care less. I can do whatever I want. I told Arccos what I planned to do and then she grabbed you claiming it was treason. Well now I've got permission and you're free and this place is going to be my embassy."
"I... See..." Smithee's mind was clearly going a mile a minute. "And what order did you do these in?"
The slight Starman felt like he was seeing stars witnessing the state Smithee was in. The Sheriff sure gave him a good mental punch in the gut. "Well I spoke to Arccos first so I guess you can blame me for your predicament which is why I was so concerned you'd be super upset with me. We're free now though and I imagine we'll get plenty more customers once this is made known. I tried asking Uso if she had zero interest in bothering your princess if she is alive but she was so busy she just snapped at me to leave. I did ask her assistant to pass on her answer when she could though."
"So we can't take her out for... For-for assaulting a foreign official then..." Smithee clenched a fist, slamming it down on the edge of the window.
Akemi moved a tad away from his pal. He'd never seen him get that angry before. "Maybe I can demand something for your mental anguish. I've totally got things that will make you feel better and let you put this stuff behind you. I just don't know what to do for you. Want to see Olena?"
"How long was I even gone...?" Smithee asked, still seething.
The Neko checked his mental clock. "A short time. I flew the entire time from the docks to Uso but I did have to do some looking for her which slowed me down. I tried talking to her mentally but she made me wait till I met her in person before I could get things done. Sadie found you passed out in your garden."
"I see." Smithee said, rapping his fist a few more times on the building's architecture. Not hard, but just enough. "Well. I don't know anything anymore. So what are you doing with your kingdom? Might as well do something practical even if it's not real..."
"Use it as an excuse to wear fancy clothes and act snobbishly aristocratic," Akemi answered swiftly. "Besides that we can invite all your friends and anyone who doesn't like being governed by Arccos and make our own safe haven from her tyranny. I'll build it up, make sure everyone has ample food and shelter and find some way to make a profit off it. That's basically it. That and try to find your princess so we can stick her there and ensure she's safe."
Smithee turned from his window to look Akemi in the eye, narrowing his own for just a moment.
"I see. And your Sheriff knows of your intention to create this safe haven for the Princess, does she?"
The slip of a man stared straight up into Smithee's eyes with a mildly serious look of his own to say he didn't mind in the slightest that the knight might be trying to sense trickery or seriously judge him in some capacity. "She doesn't but Uso hasn't told me she'll leave her alone yet. I bet she would though. I mean what is she going to do now? I bet she'd be happy with her in my care because I could shoo away anyone that could try to use her as a figurehead in some ill fated attempt at rebellion. I'd just like to create some peace between the old powers and the new one."
"You would imply that the Princess wouldn't be in danger of just being hanged, as her brother was..." Smithee shook his head glumly, his hair inadvertedly looking far too elegant in the process as he walked out into the hall. Calling for Sadie.
Akemi walked over to Smithee's side. "Well I'm not saying it's practical but it's something I'd like to do because you care about her and I want to meet a princess. I'm going to make a nice safe place for you and your noble pals anyway whether she ends up in it or not. If you know anyone you'd like to help you could tell them about me and ask them to say they want to be governed by me and not Grant or Arccos. Maybe Uso would let me call their land my own just like that and bam, their ancestral stuff is safe from the Thieftaker."
"I doubt many would surrender their land, even in name only." Smithee said, walking down the stairs to meet Sadie at the bottom.
He asked for a drink. A stiff one. Sadie just nodded and looked up at Akemi, "No one at the girl's rooms, ownerman."
The king without subjects smiled at Sadie's term of address. "Go ahead and call me Akemi or Koga or nothing. You don't need to call me anything bud."
He then turned to Smithee. "I only need one or two to get the ball rolling. Besides I have a knight to help convince people and when they consider I can turn their land a hundred percent green with plants they've never seen before maybe they'll warm to the idea."
"Most would rather put a bullet in you than surrender their land to a starman. Or anyone. Can you blame them for wanting to keep their own property?" Smithee said, as Sadie wandered off to fetch a drink.
"Man you're awful negative but of course I can't blame you. Aren't there people who are tormented by Arccos or whose property is right on the border of her domain that'd want some security?" Akemi started to consider telepathically impotently threatening to throw a shit fit at Uso in the hopes that Arccos or one of her people would put an end to his worry about the Cockpit's barber-surgeon. "Also, are you worried about Rennie not being at home?"
"All of them already surrendered to your Empire." Smithee grumbled, moving over and sitting in one of the booths in the Cockpit, "Such comes with tacit agreement to be ruled in some capacity by this new government set up by your Empress."
Sadie moved over, putting a black glass tumbler down in front of Smithee. The knight taking a deep drink from it.
"The problem is we don't know what is legal or illegal. The County of the Riverlands was confiscated after your Sheriff took offense to us enacting our old laws. Tyben was claimed for keeping prisoners to their sentences." Smithee almost snarled the words, "And now our only hope is completely surrendering everything we've ever held to you? No rights, no entitlement to everything we've worked for? Just total surrender? At least the Dantrattens got to keep what they own when they bent a knee to your ambassador."
Akemi sighed. "Buddy you've got it all wrong. The way it'd work is your pals say they'd prefer my governance and I basically let them run things as they always have and I present them with business opportunities like giving them fantastic soil and crops to raise. I get a cut and they become wealthier than they ever were. Plus I give them weapons and whatnot so nobody messes with them and they can claim unclaimed and unsettled land if they want or land from bandits or whatever. Do you really think I want to treat you guys badly and humiliate you?"
"Yes. Because you don't seem to understand that most people would find it humiliating to give you their land, and you want to do this." Smithee put his glass down, cushioning it with his pinkie so that it made no sound as it came to rest on the tabletop.
Akemi was starting to grow irritated and was ready to tell Smithee he and his friends sounded pretty fucking stupid. "Well they already got humiliated by surrendering once and doing this would be a way to distance themselves from and stop direct rule of their lands by the people who killed their friends and relatives and defeated them. How are they humiliated by getting out from under their rule somewhat and gaining more independence?"
Chances were that at this point in time, the Osman nobility actually were somewhat stupid. Then again, they were also prideful.
"You taking their lands and saying that they can do what they will with it is the same as me taking away everything you own and saying you can do what you want with it. Independence, but granted at my leisure." Smithee explained, "The Osmani didn't even grant their own royal family that sort of freedom over them, which is why they had that atrocious parliament."
The Neko gave Smithee his own show of attitude with dead eyes that looked like he lost the will to live. "Well it's either me or Grant who is likely effectively Uso's little puppet or the Thieftaker. Got any names of people that you think might consider my idea? I don't give a damn if most won't like it. I'd like to focus on the exceptions. Plus what would your approach be besides not doing anything?"
"Have them swear fealty of their family and lands to you." Smithee said simply, "Has the same functional effect without the implication that you have the power to boot them from where they're living at the first inclination."
Akemi smiled and whipped out his NSP and pointed it at the side of his head. "That's basically what I was thinking of anyway yet you drove me up the wall by not just explaining your objection and solution earlier. Give me a reason not to off myself. Who might agree to swearing fealty? Couldn't you get that's essentially what I meant or at least what I might have meant?"
"No, because ownership and fealty are very distinct. Or at least here. It strikes me now that space seems terribly... 'revolutionary'..." Smithee held up a hand, some vague hand gesture to display something distasteful.
Akemi shook his star gun wildly with an artificial tremble. "Maybe you're not the real Smithee. Maybe I'm the one being duped. I don't think the real Smithee would have tortured me like you have. I swear you cough up some names or this little Starman gets it."
"Mm. Well. Welcome to my dilemma, my dear. If I'm not real, these names could be next on the gallows tree..." Smithee gave a one-shoulder shrug. "You could try... Oh..."
The elfin eared man had had enough. He holstered his pistol and lunged to give Smithee a hard hug. "I am real!" he cried into his buddy's shoulder as he shook him back and forth.
"I suppose I should give you names of those I don't like..." Smithee sounded amused, moving one hand from the table in front of him to run his fingers through Akemi's hair. "The Grenvilles, if you wish to control a muddy wasteland. Sea Lord Charriere has some small holdings aside from... Well, Lordship over the Green Sea. Regrettably it seems that your Sheriff has taken the nicer places as a priority."
"If we had hot steamy sex do you think that'd somehow be enough to prove I was real?" Akemi asked as he looked up at Smithee with a really goofy grin while maintaining his hold on him.
"Who said that wasn't part of the interrogation I underwent?" Smithee held a hand to his forehead, doing a very good job of looking affected by the whole ordeal.
Akemi leaned back a bit in mock disbelief. "Fuck I'm jealous if it was and it was with Arccos. Was it? I must admit I did tell her you have a fantastic ass when I tried to convince her to leave you alone. She really likes butts."
"I admit that there isn't anything in this world or any other which could make me go for that..." Smithee said, shaking his head and looking a little ill.
"Did she rape you?" Akemi cried. His expression made it seem as if he didn't mind this idea in the slightest.
"Nothing of the sort. I had wished to make light of how that sort of thing would not convince me..." The knight shook his head.
"Well I just don't know what to do then." Akemi released his pal and crossed his arms. "I guess Arccos won and you'll never trust me with anything secret because you could be in an imaginary world. Now I just want to find wherever the hell Rennie is so I can get her to live here. Would you convince her to do that for me? Would you help me find her?"
"I'll say that this is one of the longer and more down to dust things I've experienced lately. There is a plausibility it's real." Smithee said, exasperatedly. "But realistically, can you blame me? You are confronted with the notion that someone you know can place you into a world which is no different than the one you know. And are given proof that you have been in it. How does one prove that they are in the real world?"
"I don't fucking know buddy," Akemi answered. "I never said I blamed you either. That's why I moved on to asking about Rennie. All I can say is all space people where I come from and have been would have to worry about the same thing every day of their lives since they have the same technology and they could always be knocked out and abducted and mentally messed with. People can rewrite memories. None of us can know for certain the lives we live are real but we live them anyway. Even without worrying about this technology I think life is inherently meaningless and none of us have free will but I live my life anyway and try to always have fun. Of course none of this is going to help you."
"I see..." Smithee shook his head, looking like this was just depressing him now. "So what's the big deal with the bonesetter?"
"I just wanna be nice to a kid that Olena trusts enough to have perform life or death treatments on her body," Akemi replied. "I'd also like to have a cute little kid friend around to enjoy the presence of and spoil and maybe bring over others. Plus I want to make sure she's not in any danger and that nothing bad has happened to her and if something has I want to fix it."
"I see. To each their own, one must suppose." Smithee stood, "I suppose we can search..."
"How would you go about it?" Akemi asked. "I guess I'd just ask people to go looking for her and advertise a reward for finding her. I don't even know if there's any point beyond my concern. Maybe she's secretly having fun fucking around with Arccos and doesn't even want to come back. At this point I'm drained of my will to do anything."
"Mmn. Well, unless Arccos has an unlimited supply of gin, I suspect the little urchin's just gone to ground after getting dragged in. Most street children know how to disappear after they've filched something or other..." Smithee said, his general apathy over poor street kids starting to stain the furniture around him.
"Well know any master finder of people you can get one of your guys to talk to for me or some professional crier or hawker or something we can hire so my little orphan can at least see she's wanted around and effort has been made to find her?" Akemi asked weakly.
"Peoplefinder? I know there's a private detective we've used in the past when some of the girls have gone missing..." Smithee said, taking up his glass again to take another drink, this time draining the rest of it.
Akemi sighed once more. "How much does she like gin? How about you ask your guys to go spread the word that whoever finds Rennie and brings her here without a single scratch on her gets whatever is a decent prize of Arcmarks and that Rennie will get unlimited gin if she comes back?"
"A tad too much to be healthy." Smithee frowned, looking at his own empty glass of the stuff. "For a child. But they'll always do what they will... I'll send my men."
The knight turned on his heel, heading for the back rooms behind the bar.
"Wait," Akemi said. "Tell 'em I'll make pictures of her for them to show around from my head." The Neko paused for a moment. "When you're done with them how about you let me scan your head on my ship so I can see if you appear untampered with for my sake since I might not be real and then you can just retire for the day and see if maybe in the morning you'll feet better?"
Smithee stopped, turning to look over his shoulder, "I'm not entirely sure what that means, but I'll tell them. And sure... Let's do that."
Some Time Later:
ON > Red Menace.
Staring at a medical display, it proved that... There was nothing absolutely wrong with Smithee's brain. At least nothing wrong physically. No implants in his head, nothing cut out. Seemed that whatever had been done to him had simply been some sort of mental conditioning. Not unusual, considering every Freespacer had undergone the same sort of thing at birth.
Smithee stirred and heaved himself up from the diagnostic bed.
"So. Anything wrong with me?"
"Nope," Akemi answered with his arms crossed to keep them busy. "Nothing that the machine can find. You've just gone through something really mentally jarring. Of course we all know this could be a trick but at least I as someone who believes himself to be real is happy because I was afraid some tracking device or something would be put in you. Personally I want to slip one on you and maybe get you and Olena some mindware. Mindware being stuff that lets you think like me and do stuff you can't do in your head now."
"I'd rather you not mess with my mind." Smithee said firmly.
"Well I wouldn't mess with it." The Neko raised his hands to his chest in a cautioning manner as he was wont to do. "It'd just be a tool so you could do things like instantly put information in your head. You could perfectly remember whatever you wanted to remember, you'd be able to instantly learn how to speak and read a language, you'd be able to communicate with your mind and you'd always know what time it is. Stuff like that. The tracking device would just be so I could rescue you if anything bad happened to you."
"And what does this thing look like?" Smithee asked offhandedly.
Akemi held an open hand in front of each of his shoulders and made them face each other. He then projected images of little mental implants in front of his chest. They were the ones he imagined would look the least intimidating of those he could recall. "Well it's a small thing that'd get put in your head with your brain. I know that might sound really spooky but inserting it is an operation that's essentially guaranteed to work safely. Heck I'm an artificially made being. That's how advanced technology is where I come from. I hope you won't treat me as a soulless abomination now."
"I don't even know what that means..." Smithee half-grumbled. "But I'd rather not let anyone cut into my head, with good intentions or no..."
"I mean I wasn't born from a man and a woman," Akemi explained smoothly after ceasing with the images. "A machine made me. I hope that doesn't freak you out and I won't try to force anything on you. If you ever want to try some mind technology so you can go on a fun adventure in your head or something you just tell me though. It might be therapeutic."
"You have flying pyramids that decimate armies. That you can pop a human... or something like it out of an engine is no real surprise." The knight sighed. "Most are surprised you aren't little green creatures. I'm not surprised by anything anymore, and as long as you're not harvesting me for whatever you harvest for I'm fine with whatever happens. Just stay out of my head."
Akemi smiled. "Well I totally will stay out of it and I only look to harvest affection. Anyway, I got all sorts of guns and stuff in this ship for you and your men like armor that's better than whatever you've got only it's like clothing. Like what Arccos' people wear. And I've got little pills that contain a whole healthy meal. All sorts of stuff to distribute. That cheer you up at all?" The little merchant didn't expect that to but he simply wanted to change the subject.
"I'm not a military man, strictly speaking. While security is nice, I'd rather something new to sell than something to destroy a man with."
"I figured as much." Akemi turned around and grabbed a big tray of hunks of Elysian Psomi which he presented to his buddy. Each chunk had a different colour and had the texture of steak or bread. They were all about half the size of Smithee's fist. All the colours of the rainbow were included and no two pieces had the same taste. "Go ahead and try 'em." The flavours were as varied as the colours.
Smithee took a piece between thumb and forefinger, holding it to his nose and giving it a sniff before popping it into his mouth. A few chews, and he gave a nod. Not giving away whether it was to his tastes or no.
"It will sell." He said simply, "Certainly better than Algaeia."
The raven-haired companion grinned. "Try this one," he said, proffering a light green piece. "It's chocolate mint. I love it."
Smithee took the offered green morsel, once again doing his sniff and eat routine. Only for a moment he half screwed up his face.
"It... uh... It goes to the nose, doesn't it?" He said with a slight cough. Apparently the first taste of mint on the planet, to a person not accustomed to anything approaching fragrant made it hit a bit harder in terms of actual flavor. Like someone who was not accustomed to spice.
"Yeah. It sure does." Akemi's smile grew and his eyes danced with glee. "It's all super fast growing fungus that I can make taste any way you want. We can replace Algaeia with it and feed the poor. It has all the nutrients you need to develop well. No one will grow up looking overly skinny like Rennie again." He held out another piece, this time it was a pale yellow. "It's pineapple."
Another sniff, another bite and Smithee... Nodded approvingly. "More... Acid than the fruits on this world, but something similar..."
No thoughts on the skinny comment. Comments about Rennie seeming to go over his head, or under his notice.
"You just give me a sample of each of the rarest and most prized foods on this planet and I'll start selling stuff that tastes just like it. I can make copies of rare animals and plants too so people can get the texture and consistency they're used to." Akemi handed Smithee yet another piece, this one dark brown with white speckles. "It's chocolate and coconut." As he offered the chunk a thought occurred to him and he had a nearby view screen display the foods that each flavor originally came from, each labeled with their name in trade. Of course Akemi didn't expect his friend to be able to read the words.
"I have to be quite frank... While I appreciate the opportunity to savor star cuisine, is the... Medical area of your vessel truly appropriate?" Smithee said, looking over to the view screen and reading one or two lines.
"Well who cares?" Akemi asked, before lightly poking Smithee's cheek with the morsel. "It's my ship and I can do whatever I want so it's plenty appropriate to me. We could go back to the Cockpit in a vehicle filled with this stuff if you want."
Smithee gave a little sigh, opening his mouth to accept the morsel in Akemi's hand.
The Neko gently guided the tip in while mischievously thinking about brutally fucking Smithee's face with it. "I love this flavor. Do you wanna leave or have me show you something else?"
Smithee took the morsel in his mouth, clamping down and trapping one of Akemi's fingers in his lips. Just sucking slightly before letting him go.
"I'm sure you have much to show me, but let's do it somewhere else..."
Akemi chuckled softly with a glint in his eyes. "Whoa buddy, I didn't expect that. Not that I'm complaining." He then led the way to another room with a big box of weapons along with plenty of other unopened crates. In front of it was a table with several cheap yet reliable pistols spread out atop it as well as a set of Styrling armor. Beside it was a second open crate clearly containing the Yamataian surplus pill rations he mentioned earlier.
"I had honestly thought that the idea of a meal in a pill was the stuff of bad science fiction." Smithee said as he entered the room behind Akemi. "Strange times..."
Akemi sat his tray of Psomi down atop a crate in case his buddy wanted more. "Well it's totally legit and they'd be great for young people. They're made to break down slowly so your body gradually digests them and it doesn't hit you all at once." He turned around and picked up a Zen Arms Little Killer.
"I know you're not particularly interested in weapons but I figured I gotta show 'em to you sometime. I want to make sure everyone you'd trust with one has at least one and anyone who'd fight for you would have a suit of armor on par with what the Thieftaker's men use."
"Well, we only have some small time security groups. Private guards, that sort of thing. If you're intending on having your own royal army you'll need to have something more." Smithee mused, "Although I still don't know what you intend for this kingdom other than your own amusement."
"Oh well I'm not even meaning to talk about setting up a kingdom here," Akemi explained. "I just mean should the Cockpit ever be attacked or someone give you or a buddy trouble I want you to have the means to defend yourself. Like this little gun here, every lady working there could pack one for self-defense or we could get them a little gun with a stun and a kill setting." As the Neko spoke he held out the pistol for inspection with an open palm. "You and Olena could discretely carry one wherever you go so you two can rest a little easier. Not like I'm saying people will be out to get you suddenly. I just mean hey, don't have to worry so much about a mugger now or something."
Smithee reached into his rather billowy swashbuckler's tunic, around behind his back and pulled out the PIMP he'd been handed on the Freehold mission. "Will this one not do?"
"Oh good, you kept it." Akemi was quite pleased to see his pal was already making good use of a gift. "That'd do plenty well. I only mentioned this thing in case you ever wanted something extra good for concealment should you wear something less suited for hiding things in the future. Anyway, Olena, would she have any qualms with me giving her a super sharp, unbreakable sword for her duels?"
"She would likely prefer to use her lucky sword." Smithee explained "That and it's not sporting to have one opponent with superior arms. It's hardly a match of skill if you have a sword which can slice a mountain in twain and your opponent does not."
"Well I've got an awesome space saber for her anyway. One for you too. I took a look at your weapons and copied them." Akemi dug into his crate of pills and pulled out sheathed yama-dura versions of his native buddies' blades. Each had a mono-molecular edge. He placed the swords on the table then grabbed a slim, rounded, rectangular communicator and a pair of sunglasses, both black. "Now you can talk with me at any time with these," he said proffering the items to his pal."
Smithee took a look at the swords, then seemed to think twice about inspecting them just this moment. Instead taking up the sunglasses and communicator.
"And how would these work, exactly?"
"Well I'll teach you but it's all simple," Akemi said crossing his arms again. "You could literally talk right into that black box called a communicator and it'll give you instructions on how to use it and the shades. The shades will let you look stylish while you chat as you can listen and talk through them. I'll give Olena the same stuff. You just say 'communicator call Akemi' and you'll be able to talk to me with it. Since communicator is annoying to say you can give the thing a name to respond to. Just say 'communicator your name is whatever.'"
Akemi's explanation caused an eyebrow to raise, Smithee taking up the communicator and looking for something obvious to talk into. Holding it notably sideways, he spoke with perfect diction: "Communicator, your name is Jeeves."
It confirmed.
"Jeeves, call Akemi something complimentary."
It denied. Smithee frowned.
Or so Smithee thought. "Akemi you're a wise consumer," the slim, shiny device answered in a silky smooth feminine voice. "Thank you for purchasing this device."
"Oh dear. Merchants." Smithee shook his head.
Akemi laughed lightly once more with a big smile. "You're adorable. I love you. It can do all sorts of stuff. If you had Mindware you could control it really easily just by thinking. Like you can make it record a conversation, play music, project images on its screen or in the air. It'll let you access huge public libraries of information stored on many machines called the InterNep."
"I'm not entirely sure where I would start with a huge library of things that are probably known by every child." Smithee said glumly, "...I actually rather feel like the primitive you probably see us all as..."
"Awww. Come on man, I don't see you as primitive," Akemi said as he placed a hand on the knight's shoulder. "You're my pal. That's why people should stick with me. I see you guys as people, not tools or animals or sub beings. It's not like you suddenly have to take learning really seriously. You know way more about this world than I do and I value your knowledge. We were just born in different places is all."
"Yes, well. We are still deficient in many ways..." Smithee clutched his new communicator, finally working out which was the proper way to hold it up.
"So what?" the Neko replied removing his hand and folding his arms yet again. "The only potential deficiency that really concerns me is one of confidence and positive outlook. I'm concerned you might think I'm stupid because I might appear to have grand plans without the seriousness to carry them out. You just gotta take it easy and get familiar with some star people technology and you'll have fun learning whatever you want at your leisure."
"Jeeves, tell me about 'positions'" Smithee said, perfect business tone. A little screen popping up from his communicator.
"Well... I'm slightly disappointed actually."
Akemi lit up like a Christmas tree. "Well you gotta specify your positions buddy. You looking for political ones?"