Approved Character Miura Shizuka

Hello!

My name is Lindsey and I am submitting my character for acceptance in the SARP community. I am looking forward to joining the great role play here and making some great friends.

Thank you for the ability to apply and I hope to join you all real soon.

https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=ch ... zuka_miura

Hello there Lindsey and welcome to SARP. My name is Kyle and I'm a character mod here and will be reviewing your character, however, that doesn't other char mods can't jump in and help out or post their approvals

First off, I went through character and fixed the links. Remember that oyu need to use wiki-code if your going to link to an internal page.

For example, for the Star Army of Yamatai you use this the link: [[:star_army_of_yamatai]] same deal applies with the Aeon and 21st, just hit the edit and you'll see what I did.

Otherwise, make sure to make your user page (I corrected that link for ya)

First off, I went through and did the conversion from Metric to Imperial measurements as well for you. It's not necessary, but the site is primarily based in the US, and not everybody can do the conversions in their head like me, so if possible, do include both in the future.

Second, Distinguishing Features needs to have something in it, even if it's the fact that there's absolutely nothing out of the ordinary about her. There's always SOMETHING that makes someone stand out in your mind; what is it for Miura?

The history is short, but it will pass, since she's a neko. I really would encourage you to differentiate her a bit though, and the history is a great way to do that. Did she enjoy her training? Did she make lots of friends? Did her instructors put her through hell? Twice? It's easy to broaden a character's background if you put a little thought into it, and it makes a character much more interesting for everyone other than yourself. Keep in mind, you have a character in your head, and she's probably much more fully formed than what I see in my mind when I picture her, because all I have to go on is her bio.

Also, I added her age as months, and put the days in parentheses. I really recommend you use a more general measurement, just because while we match real time in terms of the years, the day to day never really matches up, so more general terms tend to be more accurate.

What you have is good, overall, and the two biggest things are the user page and the distinguishing features, so you're nearly done. Good work.

This character is pending changes.

Thank you both so much for your help!

I will flesh her out, the poor thing needs it.

If she is going into th 21st, then you need to add fighter pilot skill. Look at most of the other Diamonds for what to add to your page.

Updated!

Hope it helps!

Thank you!

Distinguishing features still needs work. In a setting as varied as this, having a height that close to average, or a D-cup chest in no way sets her apart from the crowd. Also, in terms of her secondary skill, where did she pick it up? If it was in basic, it should be mentioned and explained via her history, which would flesh the character out a fair bit.

To be honest, you said she could use some fleshing out, and then barely added anything. I really would like to see more put into it.

Anyone know what happened to geekybrunette? Can't help but notice that they are suddenly no longer registered...

The account was deleted by user request.