Star Army
Star ArmyⓇ is a landmark of forum roleplaying. Opened in 2002, Star Army is like an internet clubhouse for people who love roleplaying, art, and worldbuilding. Anyone 18 or older may join for free. New members are welcome! Use the "Register" button below.
Note: This is a play-by-post RPG site. If you're looking for the tabletop miniatures wargame "5150: Star Army" instead, see Two Hour Wargames.
-
If you were supposed to get an email from the forum but didn't (e.g. to verify your account for registration), email Wes at [email protected] or talk to me on Discord for help. Sometimes the server hits our limit of emails we can send per hour.
-
Get in our Discord chat! Discord.gg/stararmy
Approved Character Miyoshi Miho
- Thread starter blake
- Start date
Itkatsu Kiyoko
Inactive Member
G'day and welcome to the SARP 
I can see a couple of problems with your bio, so I'll point them out as I see them to help you out.
First thing is that you can't have a 24 year old Nekovalkyrja. I can't find the post right now but I believe that the oldest Neko in the SARP is 22, and if you are going for a Ketsurui Samurai then you can only choose from an NH-22 or 27, which would put your maximum age at around about the 4 year mark. (Don't quote me on that, can't find a date in the CCG)
Which brings up another point, you haven't specified which model of Neko your character is. Information on the various types can be found in the Character Creation Guide, on the Sexes > Other page. And again, with the Samurai occuption your choice within those is restricted.
The physical description is outside the 'norm' for a Ketsurui Samurai; it may be accepted to have her as a blonde, but it doesn't and won't fit in with the expected long black hair nearly all other Samurai have.
I also thought that being a Ketsurui Samurai required you to have been around a while, but I can't see any mention of that in the CCG and I have seen fresh players take them up before so it may not be a problem.
The history is nice and short, which a number of people would be happy with as it leaves you to RP out everything, but 24 years of solid training is a hell of a lot and the Ketsurui Samurai occupation page on the CCG says that they only have 1 year of initial training.
Apart from those main points there are a couple of small things you can do just to make things a bit more presentable; using bold text for headers, and not going to the 20th decimal place on the metric units for example
Hmm, hope I haven't managed to scare you with all that writing. Either way, don't go rushing out to change everything now, I'd suggest waiting to see what some of the regular bio-checkers have to say first.
Hope you get eerything sorted soon and have heaps of fun here
I can see a couple of problems with your bio, so I'll point them out as I see them to help you out.
First thing is that you can't have a 24 year old Nekovalkyrja. I can't find the post right now but I believe that the oldest Neko in the SARP is 22, and if you are going for a Ketsurui Samurai then you can only choose from an NH-22 or 27, which would put your maximum age at around about the 4 year mark. (Don't quote me on that, can't find a date in the CCG)
Which brings up another point, you haven't specified which model of Neko your character is. Information on the various types can be found in the Character Creation Guide, on the Sexes > Other page. And again, with the Samurai occuption your choice within those is restricted.
The physical description is outside the 'norm' for a Ketsurui Samurai; it may be accepted to have her as a blonde, but it doesn't and won't fit in with the expected long black hair nearly all other Samurai have.
I also thought that being a Ketsurui Samurai required you to have been around a while, but I can't see any mention of that in the CCG and I have seen fresh players take them up before so it may not be a problem.
The history is nice and short, which a number of people would be happy with as it leaves you to RP out everything, but 24 years of solid training is a hell of a lot and the Ketsurui Samurai occupation page on the CCG says that they only have 1 year of initial training.
Apart from those main points there are a couple of small things you can do just to make things a bit more presentable; using bold text for headers, and not going to the 20th decimal place on the metric units for example
Hmm, hope I haven't managed to scare you with all that writing. Either way, don't go rushing out to change everything now, I'd suggest waiting to see what some of the regular bio-checkers have to say first.
Hope you get eerything sorted soon and have heaps of fun here
Zakalwe
Inactive Member
Blake, there are a few problems here. Number one, you need to give your contact details, in the forum 'In and Out', it's in the sticky at the top, and make sure to click respond not 'new topic'. I'm not insulting your intelligance but it happens all the time. If we don't have your contact details, your character can't be approved.
On that note, would you consider going into your profile and turning that low case b into a B? It's probably not important but 'Blake', looks much better than 'blake', less sloppy.
Right, the first problem with the character is age. She's 24. Unless you're a player from the old forums, which major backstory, which I doub't given the history you've given, this is not possibly. Most Neko characters when starting out are only a few years old, 24 year old ones are rare, and I severely doubt that you'll simply be allowed to play one. I might be wrong.
The second problem is with her occupation of Ketsurui Samurai, that's a big thing, a really big thing. I really hope you talked to Wes before putting that down. It entails a lot, whole honour thing, many rules, and it's a position of authaurity. Again, unless you have history with the site, I doubt this is feasable, especially after you have just joined.
Right, onto personality 'rather forward'. Sorry, I don't think that's enough. People usualy have an entire paragraph on this, and while I think that most personality should be established in gameplay, you still need more than that.
I don't like the history. This is a personal thing. It's good on one regard, there are few details that should be RPed out, except for maybe the part about excelling. But really I think the history should be a little more detailed than that.
The skills. You apear to have simply copied them off the requirments for a Ketsuri Samurai. Please at least go through it and replace your 'Ketsuri Samurai' with your characters name. Secondly it would be nice if you personalise your skills a little more. This might be a little pedantic, but it's better for roleplay.
Stating what generation of Neko she is too would ne nice.
One problem that haunts this bit is spelling, and more specificly the fluctuation in the use of capitol letters. If you would, edit it, and try and make some of them full sentances.
Sorry if I'm coming off a little hard, but I'm just trying to make sure you have a good time RPing with this character.
On that note, would you consider going into your profile and turning that low case b into a B? It's probably not important but 'Blake', looks much better than 'blake', less sloppy.
Right, the first problem with the character is age. She's 24. Unless you're a player from the old forums, which major backstory, which I doub't given the history you've given, this is not possibly. Most Neko characters when starting out are only a few years old, 24 year old ones are rare, and I severely doubt that you'll simply be allowed to play one. I might be wrong.
The second problem is with her occupation of Ketsurui Samurai, that's a big thing, a really big thing. I really hope you talked to Wes before putting that down. It entails a lot, whole honour thing, many rules, and it's a position of authaurity. Again, unless you have history with the site, I doubt this is feasable, especially after you have just joined.
Right, onto personality 'rather forward'. Sorry, I don't think that's enough. People usualy have an entire paragraph on this, and while I think that most personality should be established in gameplay, you still need more than that.
I don't like the history. This is a personal thing. It's good on one regard, there are few details that should be RPed out, except for maybe the part about excelling. But really I think the history should be a little more detailed than that.
The skills. You apear to have simply copied them off the requirments for a Ketsuri Samurai. Please at least go through it and replace your 'Ketsuri Samurai' with your characters name. Secondly it would be nice if you personalise your skills a little more. This might be a little pedantic, but it's better for roleplay.
Stating what generation of Neko she is too would ne nice.
One problem that haunts this bit is spelling, and more specificly the fluctuation in the use of capitol letters. If you would, edit it, and try and make some of them full sentances.
Sorry if I'm coming off a little hard, but I'm just trying to make sure you have a good time RPing with this character.
I'm Only Dancing
Inactive Member
I think Yui is 29 now; but a Santo Hei would almost certainly be newly created; not 24.
Yep, and another note. As a Samurai myself I feel I can help out a little. Samurai have one year of initial training, and new samurai are anywhere from 1 to 1 1/2 years old. The only Nekovalkyrja model that can be a Samurai is the NH-27 model.
As to the part of playing them, I don't know how most personalities are supposed to be, but from my guess they should be quiet and reserved, only speaking up when needed, but then again thats just me ^_~. The other part they are all making, is that with the station of a Ketsurui Samurai, there are a lot of quirks that go with it. Samurai never unsheath thier swords unless they plan to draw blood, and won't sheath it until they have. They never eat in public, unless they feel comfortable with the people they are with ((Mainly on smaller star-ships)). There are other things as well, but you can read up on them.
One other thing, is that for new players, you have to get permission from Wes. He made me take a test ((blah!)) which I guess I passed. Since everyone is saying you are new, it would be best to contact Wes and ask permission, unlike the older members of the board that are much more seasoned, and better able to play the character I'm guessing.
As to the part of playing them, I don't know how most personalities are supposed to be, but from my guess they should be quiet and reserved, only speaking up when needed, but then again thats just me ^_~. The other part they are all making, is that with the station of a Ketsurui Samurai, there are a lot of quirks that go with it. Samurai never unsheath thier swords unless they plan to draw blood, and won't sheath it until they have. They never eat in public, unless they feel comfortable with the people they are with ((Mainly on smaller star-ships)). There are other things as well, but you can read up on them.
One other thing, is that for new players, you have to get permission from Wes. He made me take a test ((blah!)) which I guess I passed. Since everyone is saying you are new, it would be best to contact Wes and ask permission, unlike the older members of the board that are much more seasoned, and better able to play the character I'm guessing.
