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Approved Character Miyoshi Yoritaka

First things first, Welcome to Star Army. I am Kai, one of the resident GM's and character mods, and someone who spends more time than any sane person should on the internet. Feel free to ask me or any of the other Admins and Game masters (Blue, Green, and Yellow forum names) any questions you may have. Feel free to peruse the Wiki (I know it's a lot, but it helps).



As for your character, this is very good, the skills are a bit bare-bones and would benefit from a little more fleshing out (See: one or two more sentences)

The big problem here is the history. You've presented a number of names of worlds and planets, as well as stations that simply do not exist in this setting. The 'core worlds' of Yamatai happens to be just one world; Yamatai itself. there are a few nearby systems, such as Tami, that may count as core worlds, but you have not used any of them, instead making up others I have never heard of in my four years on this site.

While the story of the history is solid, it sounds more like something that would happen on Nepleslia than on any Yamataian world, as gangs and violence are much more prevalent there.

I would say, change the worlds where he may have grown up to a Nepleslian system (Nepleslia, Delsauria, etc) and change the colony they ran to to a Yamataian world (Such as Tami) Those simple changes will make this character fit in the setting and you will be able to get going quickly.
 
However, he had made enemies during his time in the military, who now had risen to influential ranks.
Does this mean he was discharged?

The 'core worlds' of Yamatai happens to be just one world; Yamatai itself
Core Worlds is acceptable. Remember at that time Nepleslia was part of Yamatai and thus there were two core worlds.

I'm actually okay with most of the history, although Nepleslian may be the way to go if you want gang stuff.
 
Hello and thanks for the feedback - I just kind of slipped into my normal approach of "make up a world so you don't hurt the canon" - but there still seems to be enough room in the established universe for Yori's background.

Anyway, I have changed the planet names to some more familiar ones, and the entire 'gang' episode to a patriotic group of students and citizens who mainly opposed the corrupt governor/planetary commandant, hoping for intervention from the government. Makes it seem more lawful.
The same goes for his father, whose exit from the military I changed to "honorably discharged". I did not elaborate further on that, but I assumed that, for one, if he had been kicked out that would somewhat hinder his son's acceptance into the military, and secondly, it would make sense that he was an upright spirit of sorts, like his son, who just messed with the wrong people at the wrong time despite being a good soldier.

Anyway, I hope this is more fitting than the previous version.
 
I fixed the anonymous art for you.

The next step is picking a plot to join.
 
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