First i'm not a character mod. though I can offer some suggestions
you really need to fill out your description for the physical and personalty. Complete sentences, it's hard I know, my chars took me forever to get right. hair color, natural is not a color, I have no clue what color or cut he has. Distinguishing Features, does he have a way that he stands? does his voice have an interesting sound, pattern to speech? You can jut delete the measurements bit, no need in a male char.
he has got to have more likes then just the one, I have chars that love jello, or pudding, the smell of a cheap cigar, the fragrance of a spring evening after a light rain.
the same for dislike.
the goals is good, though does he think about life after servant? does he want to find a lover? captain a ship?
the background as Kyle mentioned is impotent, again full complete sentences.
Please don't look at this as a huge nit-pick, what you have is a great start. hell I wish I could get that the first time with a new char of mine. just look at each bit one at a time.
good luck, and remember the irc channel has lots of folks that would be willing to help you with the building of you first char.