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Approved Submission [Nepleslia] Culture Intro

Ametheliana

Head in the Stars
Staff Member
🌸 FM of Yamatai
🎖️ Game Master
Submission Type: Culture page
Template Used: None
Submission WIP URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=wip:nepleslia:culture_introduction
Submission Destination URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=faction:nepleslia:culture_introduction

Faction: Nepleslia
FM Approved Yet? No @Gunhand4171
Faction requires art? No

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles? Yes
Contains New art? No
Previously Submitted? No

Unapproved Article:
 
Last edited:
This suggestion has been implemented. Votes are no longer accepted.
Holy shit, I love this so much. It’s hilarious.

Not gonna checklist you yet because I’m IN LECTURE NOT LISTENING but...

Entertainment: Why is the last sentence cut off?

BEST KEBAB: Love it. Too good. : ok_hand:
 
This review is for: Nepleslian Culture Intro Rework

The submitted article is/has…
[ Y ] A very high level of overall quality
  • 8/10. You'll see where I docked 2.
[ Y ] A general topic sentence under the title header
[ N/A ] Artwork (Required for new species; Strongly recommended for vehicles and hand weapons)\\
[ ? ] Needed and/or useful to the setting
  • There wasn't one before?
[ Y ] In the proper format/template
  • Is there a template for this?
[ Y ] Proofread for spelling and grammar
  • Light check. No glaring flaws.
[ Y ] Easy to read and understand (not a lengthy mass of technobabble)
  • However, lacking in meat.
[ Y ] Wikified (terms that could be a link should be a link)
[ Y ] No red and/or broken links
[ Y ] Reasonably scientifically plausible
[ Y ] Reasonably neutral point of view

The submitted article is/does not…
[ N ] Overpowered (or cutting tech for a faction with little or no roleplay)
[ N ] Obtusely redundant
[ N ] Contain copy pasta descriptions of systems or interior compartments
[ N ] Unauthorized by faction managers or player-controlled corporation
[ N ] Contain references to IC events that have not occurred (SM must authorize retcons)
[ N ] Use second-person language (“you” or “your”) unless it is an instructional guide aimed at players.
[ N ] Use bombastic language (“virtually immune,” “nearly indestructible,” “insanely powerful,” “horrible effects”)
[ Y ] Use an unbalanced header/text ratio (many headers but sections are one-liners)
  • I'll nitpick on this later in Lacking Detail.
[ N ] Use major unapproved sub-articles that should be submitted separately
[ Y ] Lacking Detail
  • Personal opinion: Lots could be expanded on. I know like...nothing about Nepleslia. First glance, no big links really catch my interest (except for BEST KEBABS which sounds so memey.) Also, reorganization can be in order.
  • Suggestion List...begin.
  1. Combine the "Holidays of Nepleslia" into suitable categories, such as Lewis Pasco Day going under Guns as part of their culture.
  2. It would be preferred for each subsection to have examples, such as Religion having example religions Nepleslia follows, linking to sports and recreational articles for Entertainment, examples of cybernetics for Medicine...
  3. You get it. I just don't see enough links to click through.
  4. Except for Technology. You could just put a link to Nepleslian Technology.
[ N ] Images hosted on sites other than stararmy.com (Photobucket, Imageshack, etc are not allowed)

The article has…
[ N/A ] Speeds in compliance with the Starship Speed Standard, if applicable
[ N/A ] Damage Capacity and Damage Ratings in compliance with the DR Guidelines
[ N/A ] The in-character year of creation/manufacture. (Should be current year. Future years not allowed).
[ N/A ] The Standard Product Nomenclature System, if applicable.



Summary
MOAR ELABORATION


Status: Pending

Notes
Sure, it follows all the requirements...but nothing more, really. Doesn't grab someone's attention. Not very good for prospective Nepleslians.

I intend to finish this review by: 11/11/2017
 
I’m not going to give examples for something like religion because it’s not practiced often enough to be warranted.

Moving the holidays does not seem like it solves any issues and would actually make the article look smaller.

Rest is A OK by me
 
Oh! The Festival of Bullets is missing from holidays!


From this: https://stararmy.com/roleplay-forum...ween-the-ye-34-2012-festival-of-bullets.8660/
 
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