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Approved Submission Nepleslian Prison

Edto Xar'Sivaree

Edto Xar'Sivaree

Lizard Freak!
Inactive Member
https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?..._cadillac_institute_for_the_criminally_insane

This is a submission to put the Anthony Cadillac Institute for the Criminally Insane on the Wiki and hopefully get it approved as a real place.

The name Anthony Cadillac is a butchery of Antoine de la Mothe Cadillac, who founded the City of Detroit. Given Funky City is where New Detroit was, I thought it would be clever. I could not find the names of any Nepleslian Government Officials or founders, so I made one up.

@Gunhand4171 @CadetNewb @Doshii Jun

I have tagged who I have been told are the people required for this decision. Please inform me if I have missed anyone.
 
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The submitted article is/has…
[ ] A very high level of overall quality - No
[X] A general topic sentence under the title header
[ ] Artwork (Required for new species; Strongly recommended for vehicles and hand weapons) - not needed
[X] Needed and/or useful to the setting
[X] In the proper format/template
[ ] Proofread for spelling and grammar - random capitalization
[X] Easy to read and understand (not a lengthy mass of technobabble)
[ ] Wikified (terms that could be a link should be a link)
[X] No red and/or broken links
[X] Reasonably scientifically plausible
[X] Reasonably neutral point of view

The submitted article is/does not…
[X] Overpowered (or cutting tech for a faction with little or no roleplay)
[X] Obtusely redundant
[X] Contain copy pasta descriptions of systems or interior compartments
[ ] Unauthorized by faction managers or player-controlled corporation
[X] Contain references to IC events that have not occurred (SM must authorize retcons)
[X] Use second-person language (“you” or “your”) unless it is an instructional guide aimed at players.
[X] Use bombastic language (“virtually immune,” “nearly indestructible,” “insanely powerful,” “horrible effects”)
[X] Use an unbalanced header/text ratio (many headers but sections are one-liners)
[X] Use major unapproved sub-articles that should be submitted separately
[ ] Lacking Detail
[X] Images hosted on sites other than stararmy.com (Photobucket, Imageshack, etc are not allowed)

The article has…
[NA] Speeds in compliance with the Starship Speed Standard, if applicable
[NA] Damage Capacity and Damage Ratings in compliance with the DR Guidelines
[ ] The in-character year of creation/manufacture. (Should be current year. Future years not allowed).
[NA] The Standard Product Nomenclature System, if applicable.


Summary
Note here if any serious issues are present. These are the issues that will hold up approval.
The submission lacks the expected amount of detail and needs to be edited for grammar. See the items above for the problems I found.

Pending

Notes
I remember that in ancient Nepleslia, some of the prisons were pretty brutal, basically being dog cages with not enough room to stand in.

I intend to finish this review by: 11/18/2016
 
The detail bit mostly refers to the sort of detail that enables something to be used in the RP. If an RP is to take place inside a prison, it's good to know the layout, guard uniforms, and probably a lot about the security, and how the place is run. Notable figures such as the warden are helpful, too.

Visitation rules and a description of the exterior would be helpful for RPs that go to it without being set inside it.

If it's meant to be a box of horrors, then a list and descriptions of the horrible people kept in there who could break out at a moment's notice (essentially a rogue's gallery, Batman-style) would be most useful, and information about the security could be kept vague.
 
Talking to Edto, I have to say that the intention of the article is to state that the prison exists and nothing more. It is not meant to serve as an RP location, and was simply background or backdrop to a Joint Post that they recently had done. The article was done as thanks, and because of that, I don't think it's proper to demand a full write up. To be honest, having the article in this basic state is preferable to not having an article at all, which is the current alternative.
 
I gave the article a proofreading pass. @Edto Xar'Sivaree please read this: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=guide:its


The submitted article is/has…
[X] A very high level of overall quality - No
[X] A general topic sentence under the title header
[ ] Artwork (Required for new species; Strongly recommended for vehicles and hand weapons) - not needed
[X] Needed and/or useful to the setting
[X] In the proper format/template
[ ] Proofread for spelling and grammar - random capitalization
[X] Easy to read and understand (not a lengthy mass of technobabble)
[X] Wikified (terms that could be a link should be a link)
[X] No red and/or broken links
[X] Reasonably scientifically plausible
[X] Reasonably neutral point of view

The submitted article is/does not…
[X] Overpowered (or cutting tech for a faction with little or no roleplay)
[X] Obtusely redundant
[X] Contain copy pasta descriptions of systems or interior compartments
[ ] Unauthorized by faction managers or player-controlled corporation
[X] Contain references to IC events that have not occurred (SM must authorize retcons)
[X] Use second-person language (“you” or “your”) unless it is an instructional guide aimed at players.
[X] Use bombastic language (“virtually immune,” “nearly indestructible,” “insanely powerful,” “horrible effects”)
[X] Use an unbalanced header/text ratio (many headers but sections are one-liners)
[X] Use major unapproved sub-articles that should be submitted separately
[X] Lacking Detail
[X] Images hosted on sites other than stararmy.com (Photobucket, Imageshack, etc are not allowed)

The article has…
[NA] Speeds in compliance with the Starship Speed Standard, if applicable
[NA] Damage Capacity and Damage Ratings in compliance with the DR Guidelines
[OK] The in-character year of creation/manufacture. (Should be current year. Future years not allowed).
[NA] The Standard Product Nomenclature System, if applicable.


Summary
Note here if any serious issues are present. These are the issues that will hold up approval.



Pending FM approval from @Gunhand4171


I intend to finish this review by: Completed
 
It's and its issues are likely due to my keyboard. I've been having troubles with the key.

Edit

Wait, where are you seeing the it and it's issue? I just went through the entire thing and neither my Grammarly or my Mk I Eyeball saw the issue.
 
Edto Xar'Sivaree said:
It's and its issues are likely due to my keyboard. I've been having troubles with the key.

Edit

Wait, where are you seeing the it and it's issue? I just went through the entire thing and neither my Grammarly or my Mk I Eyeball saw the issue.
Click to expand...
I already made edits to help improve the article.
 
@Gunhand4171

For now, I recommend against requiring a layout of the prison considering the article's purpose. At this time, it's only in the background and isn't a place of major RP. It's creation as an article is only meant to add some more detail to the setting and normally may go ignored in that regard. Additionally, if people wish to RP it in the future, this would give them the opportunity to create the layout as they see fit. Right now, it simply isn't being used that way.
 
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