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[Neshaten] Rite of Honour

Kyle

Kyle

Insane Story Writer Foxy
Inactive Member
Submission Type: Basic Page
Submission URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=ne ... _of_honour

Faction: Kindom of Neshaten
FM Approved Yet? Yes, me.

For Reviewers:
Contains Unapproved Sub-Articles? No
Previously Submitted? No

Notes:

This is the page that details the Rite of Honour, a special event in the lives of the Neshaten. I know how controversial this could be, so I plan on requiring people to have to talk to me first about having their characters either going through with this or having a character that has already gone through.

It'll mostly be restricted to SARP Veterans however, but they'll still need to talk to me first.
 
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and everyone comes in attendance
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So the entire society stops what it is doing and comes to this... suggest rewording

Shukaren Laibe should be a wiki link. Anything that can be linked should be.

Also since this is not a conversation, contractions should be avoided.
 
Ahhh, seems I can't tell where I'm making those contractions are, can you point them out please?
 
and it's held
Although it's a ceremony,
determine why they've been chosen
It's essentially a mental
situation they've never been
it’s a symbiotic pairing
can't drink and the


oversee's the ceremony -> should be oversees the ceremony
 
I will approve this after this one last item is addressed.

Because it is a symbiotic pairing, neither can be too far from the other, so the two often serve together wherever they go.
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How far apart can they get? What happens when they get to far, do they keel over, or is their a warning aka they start feeling pain or crap. Basically need information so that a PC who gets in this situation knows what to expect.
 
Ok, rewrote the paragraph to explain that:

Because this is a symbiotic pairing, the two can not venture to far apart from another without feeling mental pain. The actual distance that a person can get depends on how strong the person is mentally, but at most indivisuals can get around three to four hundred kilometers away before either starts to feel pain, the further apart a pair is the more painful it becomes, eventually they can collapse due to the mental strain they have been placed under. It is for this reason why bonded pairs are advised to 'serve' together, either in a military capacity or while in a civilian workplace, such as a starship.
Click to expand...
 
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