Approved Character New Kohanian "Swift River"

This... isn't entirely complete I think, I just wanted to post this up for criticism and to show that yes, I am making a Kohanian

Because forbid I just love to put things off, a lot. (See "Very delayed" character)

https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=ch ... wift_river

Seriously though, I'm trying to focus on Bio and personality, and then make a proper wiki eventually.

I like the name, right off the bat. I am glad that you understood the pointers I gave you on that.

I'm going to go through and let you know the parts that don't make sense to me. It doesn't mean that they are wrong, just need explanation.

"Markings: Green"

I need a little description here, because the markings section was meant more for the "with a greyish underbelly" portion of the pelt color. Is the green his choice of color for war paint during times of that? What is the green for, Scot?


For Faction/Clan, you can put Guaeko, because that is his clan.

For Occupation, you could say that he wanted to become a Huntsmaster, as that is the highest rank of hunter and the one who provides for a village and / or family.

In his history, I think you mean that Great Oak was *wandering* from village to village. You put wondering.

Also, I know it's not part of the CCG, but you might want to think up a small inventory for him, so that we all can see what all he carries with him for his summoning, clothing style he prefers, and anything else that you think might enrich the other players experience with him.

It's an awesome sounding character though. I am very happy with how you took the small amount of information I gave you both on the wiki and in IRC, and really ran with it. Just look into the small things that I have listed, and I think this character will be quickly approved.

Thank you AoK!

The very little detail was in part by what was there I think, Marking Color doesn't really describe what it is, and figured it was kind of war paint myself. I'm thinking of some wolf symbol maybe on the forehead predominate as part of who trained him.

I also thought green for nature, but probably change as I was busy with other parts of the thing.

Pelt and Hair colors was confusing, I assumed they both were the same! But figured Hair was "Head hair."

Anyway, all I need to say before I make a revision later.

I like the names you picked for both your character and the NPCs in his past : )

One more spelling note in addition to "wandering".

The wolf became attached to it's canine cousin

Click to expand...

It's = it is.
Its = possessive form, which I think you were going for.

Don't ask me why that is...I tried rationalizing that puzzle just now and I couldn't.

Character is updated!

I'll go over some of it again later, what you guys think?

Here are a few items I've found.

First I fixed the Wiki link for the Kohanians on your page. (I hate red links.)

Typo under Physical Appearance
Physic should be physique

Under history

when an the hunters suggest when the hunters

Skills
Typo under Survival
pressence should be presence

Other than that, it looks good to me. make the last few typo corrections and if AoK is happy.
This character is pending final approval from AoK.

Sorry for the long time relooking at this scot, finals week = busy.

After looking it over again, I agree with Nashoba. When those things are addressed, I think your character will be good to go.

Done, added to markings as well.