Character Article URL: https://wiki.stararmy.com/doku.php?id=characters:yamatai:rachael_viviant&#rachael_viviant
Preferred Plot's GM: @CadetNewb
Preferred Plot's GM: @CadetNewb
Star Army
Star ArmyⓇ is a landmark of forum roleplaying. Opened in 2002, Star Army is like an internet clubhouse for people who love roleplaying, art, and worldbuilding. Anyone 18 or older may join for free. New members are welcome! Use the "Register" button below.
Note: This is a play-by-post RPG site. If you're looking for the tabletop miniatures wargame "5150: Star Army" instead, see Two Hour Wargames.
-
If you were supposed to get an email from the forum but didn't (e.g. to verify your account for registration), email Wes at [email protected] or talk to me on Discord for help. Sometimes the server hits our limit of emails we can send per hour.
-
Get in our Discord chat! Discord.gg/stararmy
Approved Character [NSS Sledge Mama] Rachael Viviant
- Thread starter Semjax
- Start date
CadetNewb
Well-Known Member
@Semjax
Overall, the character looks pretty good, but I'm left a little uncertain with a few things. I'm left wondering what her face actually looks like, since her skin color description is giving the impression she's multiracial. Some descriptions of the shape of her eyes, nose and lips would help. Right now, we only know that her face is flawless (without scars/deformities), is usually held in a scowl, and that her eyes are most oftentimes narrowed thanks to her disposition. These, you would actually put in the 'Distinguishing Features" instead. Basically, some more clarity to how she looks would help a lot, and because of that, just saying that her skin is caramel in color is fine too, since the terms used imply ancestry and therefore some degree of appearance.
Also, is she a miracle worker engineer or not? It kinda flip flops down there.
Overall, the character looks pretty good, but I'm left a little uncertain with a few things. I'm left wondering what her face actually looks like, since her skin color description is giving the impression she's multiracial. Some descriptions of the shape of her eyes, nose and lips would help. Right now, we only know that her face is flawless (without scars/deformities), is usually held in a scowl, and that her eyes are most oftentimes narrowed thanks to her disposition. These, you would actually put in the 'Distinguishing Features" instead. Basically, some more clarity to how she looks would help a lot, and because of that, just saying that her skin is caramel in color is fine too, since the terms used imply ancestry and therefore some degree of appearance.
Also, is she a miracle worker engineer or not? It kinda flip flops down there.
@CadetNewb
I have made the accommodations as such:
1) I have described the Eyes, Lips, Nose, and facial structure.
2) I have made a more detailed account of her Engineering abilities.
3) I has moved the explanation about the scars and the scowl down to Distinguishing Features.
4) I got rid of the ancestry implications and replaced it with just caramel.
If there is anything else you require of me don't hesitate to comment!
I have made the accommodations as such:
1) I have described the Eyes, Lips, Nose, and facial structure.
2) I have made a more detailed account of her Engineering abilities.
3) I has moved the explanation about the scars and the scowl down to Distinguishing Features.
4) I got rid of the ancestry implications and replaced it with just caramel.
If there is anything else you require of me don't hesitate to comment!
CadetNewb
Well-Known Member
@Semjax
I'm glad to see the changes were made quite well. Your character is Approved, but one of the other mods here, @Kyle , @Nashoba or @Wes in the forum will have to move this into the appropriate area. You can go ahead and post in Sledge Mama as you see fit, since we're currently in a downtime and in between combat. If you'd like, read up on what's happened so far.
See you soon.
I'm glad to see the changes were made quite well. Your character is Approved, but one of the other mods here, @Kyle , @Nashoba or @Wes in the forum will have to move this into the appropriate area. You can go ahead and post in Sledge Mama as you see fit, since we're currently in a downtime and in between combat. If you'd like, read up on what's happened so far.
See you soon.
