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Rejected Submission [ON HOLD]ExO Synaptic Programming

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First, just right off the bat, please pop it out and run it through a spellcheck of some sort. There are a lot of little grammatical errors in the page, and most of them should be quick to fix.

The biggest thing, though, is that there's NO explanation for how this does any of what it says. It's just kinda handwaving that somehow we're now programming completely organic, natural growth with no explanation on what we're doing to make it happen, or why it hasn't been done before.

Outside of that... Who's developing it? Where? And why? Nepleslia already has its enhanced soldiers, Yamatai has its engineered ones, even Lor has an entire genetically guided caste focused on being soldiers. I honestly can't name a nation that has the technology to do something like this, that doesn't also have something better or at least similar.

In terms of the actual effects... How can they control the stimulus dampening? Or for that matter, is it controlled, or is it just inherent, turned on all the time? If it's on all of the time, that can be a HORRIBLY scarring condition, and it's one that occurs naturally. People with it tend to horribly injure themselves repeatedly throughout childhood. It tends to result from little stuff, like not realizing you're pushing into a sharp edge, and the like.

What causes the migraines? Typically, that's a sign of restricted blood vessels in the head, but nothing you've included would trigger that, so far as I can tell.
 
Wow. That was much faster than I was expecting. As you've noticed this needs some more work. I'll post up when its a little better
 
Its a little better now. I didn't see any spelling errors but I reworded a few of the sentences to make it easier to read.
 
There are still problems, one of which is that you don't have a general topic sentence under the main header - this sentence is a summery of the article, including also who manufactured/who it is for and also the date that it entered service.

Also, generally it is better to get a group approved 'first' before submitting tech to it :)
 
It's already being planned out with Wes. Literally there's not much to approve. Its a little underfunded R&D group who's lead scientist claimed he could improve a Nekos performance. Without the ExO SP for the Neko OS there isn't anything to really approve except the building and even that's nothing special.

I was actually expecting to have this sit a while before anyone reviewed it based on the current amount of tech reviews in progress. I was surprised when Andrie responded so fast.
 
I abridged your article.

Ordinarily, the pathways to decision making processes and actions are not as efficient as possible, rather - like genes - as efficient as they need to be. From a computational standpoint, they have huge room for improvement in terms of layout. Through the use of (you haven't explained what or how!!!), the digital pathways of a Yamataian's digital brain can be selectively abridged, removing unnecessary elements and pathways frequently used can be brought closer to one another.

The end result is clusters of artificially efficient nerves. These clusters tend to work faster (being more spartan in layout with less steps involved in actions) and can be carefully reprogrammed, granting specialist but highly constrained capabilities not unlike an idiot savant. As an interesting consequence, these clusters can be turned on and off -- and with that, information can be optionally forgotten or inputs which are normally utterly overwhelming (such as pain or noise) can be ignored for a time.

Unfortunately this mechanism has a few drawbacks: namely that the edges of these clusters can interfere with the operation of normal neurons. To clarity, while the brain classically speaking can deal with millions of bits of information, a person can only deal with seven to thirty or so -- with huge amounts of mental effort devoted to working what to ignore, rather than what to actually notice. These cognitive and sensory filters are interfered with, introducing background noise, giving a fuzzy quality to one's perception, thoughts and senses, giving a person's mind a tendency to wander or find specific stimulus painful (not unlike nails down a chalkboard).

In a nutshell, you still need to explain the mechanism at work here.
 
Rizzo, Planning it is fine, however the review process still has to be gone through and there are quite a few items that need attending to. I monitored the discussion with Wes about this, but chose to wait until it was here to voice issues since that is what the NTSE is for.

Here are a few items from the check list that apply to this

[ ] Needed and/or useful to the setting
  • How exactly is this needed or useful?
  • From reading what is available, this is more of a downgrade to the OS than an upgrade. Further there has never been any indication in roleplay that there is a performance issue with the Digital brain and the OS.
  • In fact many of the facets of this seem to be to make soldiers more mechanical which is opposite of the previous generational changes.
  • Also this organization is just being created, and yet you say "Using the Neko OS as a starting point, several modifications were made over the course of two years"

[ ] Lacking Detail
  • Where is this facility located? You can't just say the YSE gave them a facility, we need to know where it is. We also need more information about said facilility
  • Exactly what kind of Cloning Equipment was given to them. Hemosynth technology is a restricted tech not allowed outside of the military and YSE Government agencies.
  • Nekovalkyrja Operating System is the proprietary, considered a black box. As it is the core to the Nekovalkyrja which is also a restricted technology, why would they have access?
  • Programming requires Soul Transfer technology, this is also restricted to Military and YSE Government agencies.
  • What part of the government would violate Yamataian law to fund such a group and supply them with illegal tech?
 
Wow, new ideas really get beat up on these streets. That kind of info would've been real nice to know about a week ago. This isn't even worth the time to mess with anymore. Literally, this was never even an attempt to revolutionize or change the site. Since this type of idea seems to simply cause chaos I'll go ahead and spoil the end of the RP I was going to host, the reason why it was only going to be open to more mature RPers. Every one of these characters were intended to eventually die. No survivors, no respawn. Dead.

If the admins would like to delete this thread and any related ones I'd be much obliged
 
Rizzo you don't need to abandon this, but these are all valid questions that need to be answered in the article. As you said Wes is aware of this, so you can proceed, but we need these questions answered. It is possible that Wes wants this to be some sort of black op team operating off the books, that's fine, but someone in the gov has to know.
 
Rizzo, every submission has this level of scrutiny.

Its nothing to do with causing chaos or not causing chaos: Its to do with making sure you follow the guidelines and address each point. Doing this is how we've avoided the RP-entropy of people just introducing and abusing random items like all the other big RPs which would have killed the site years ago.
 
It's not the critique. My storyline just got blown apart again. Gotta rework it again. May as well just put this on hold.
 
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